Cries of pain and sadness could be heard across the country yesterday when Doritos announced it would be making chips designed to appeal more to women. PepsiCo global chief Indra Nooyi, one of history’s greatest monsters and a traitor to her gender, said that women typically dislike their product because it is loud and messy. The new “Lady Doritos,” as the internet started calling them, would hopefully address that problem by being less crunchy and coated in less of the neon orange powder that, for the sake of argument, we will call cheese.
News of this injustice spread rapidly. Feminists and feminist allies like myself exploded in outrage and fury. It was decided that the chips are not only in bad taste but are also sexist and patriarchal and misogynistic and anti-science. Doritos is engaged in a conspiracy to silence women. As The Washington Post put it, Doritos is sending the message that “you should never hear a woman crunch.“
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