A popular health information site has started using the word “front hole” instead of “vagina” in an effort to be inclusive of trans and non-binary people. The LGBTQIA community has been advocating for this gender-inclusive term for a while now.
Like most normal Americans, I read this news and immediately adjusted my vocabulary accordingly. I will especially make sure to remember the new terminology when I’m wearing my Front Hole Hat at the Women’s March next year. But I fear this change does not go far enough. There are many other parts of the human body, and almost all of them could be a source of grave offense to someone. Eventually, every hole, appendage, and organ will need to be renamed. To get the ball rolling, I have come up with new names for five of the most archaic anatomical features:
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