They’re Turning The Frickin’ Penguins Gay

Penguins play before mating at Chile's military base Presidente Eduardo Frei, in the King George island, in Antarctica, on March 13, 2014.

A London aquarium has announced that two lesbian penguins will resist traditional sexual stereotypes while raising their adopted chick. Four-month-old baby Gentoo will be “the world’s first penguin to not have its gender assigned,” Sea Life London exulted. General Manager Graham McGrath, who removed Gentoo from his — her? zer? — biological parents and placed him with the Sapphic birds, explained, “While the decision may ruffle a few feathers, gender neutrality in humans has only recently become a widespread topic of conversation, however, it is completely natural for penguins to develop genderless identities as they grow into mature adults.” McGrath did not elaborate on how he had ascertained the “natural” self-perception of unconscious marine birds.

The Sea Life London announcement recalls a similar episode 15 years ago, when The New York Times fêted two allegedly homosexual penguins at the Central Park Zoo. “Roy and Silo, two chinstrap penguins at the Central Park Zoo in Manhattan, are completely devoted to each other,” wrote the Gray Lady. “For nearly six years now, they have been inseparable. They … have sex. Silo and Roy are, to anthropomorphize a bit, gay penguins. When offered female companionship, they have adamantly refused it.” The coupling inspired such enthusiasm that zookeepers eventually took an egg from another pair of penguins and gave it to Roy and Silo, who raised the chick Tango as their own. But nature won out in the end, and the pair disappeared from headlines the following year when Silo shacked up with a lady penguin named Scrappy. The Times later admitted no one ever actually saw Roy and Silo have sex.

Alex Jones’ famous lamentation that “they’re turning the frickin’ frogs gay” became a viral Internet meme, drawing mockery for its inaccuracy. Ironically, Jones’ diagnostic error was his modesty. In 2010, an EPA-appointed ecologist from Yale discovered that atrazine and synthetic estrogen in Connecticut ponds had produced frogs with both sperm and eggs in their reproductive systems. In fact, they were turning the frickin’ frogs transgender.

But then, even chemically induced deformities do not really constitute “transgenderism” in frogs because frogs lack the complex reasoning required to contrive an irrational idea such as transgenderism. We can’t read the minds of frogs, but that’s the point. Frogs can’t communicate their thoughts to us because they don’t have any thoughts. Frogs, like all animals, lack higher intellect and free will. The frogs suffer no inner turmoil over their gender identity because they have no sense of identity in the first place.

The Central Park zookeepers declared Roy and Silo a little light in the flippers back in 1998, the same year “Will & Grace” premiered on network television and marked for many the mainstreaming of homosexuality in American popular culture. Coincidentally or otherwise, gay penguins started popping up everywhere. A decade later, as gender ideology overtakes our institutions, even more imaginative maritime experts in London have robbed a penguin chick of his “gender identity,” whatever that means for a bird. Expect soon to read about whole waddles of transgender penguins. The discovery tells us little about the natural biology of birds, but it reveals much about the unnatural psyches of the zookeepers.