You know, we’re so politically divided in this country, I feel it’s incumbent upon me to search for ways to bring us together. But how can we unite Republicans, with their deep commitment to discerning the central principles of the ordinary American and then selling them out to the first corporate lobbyist who offers them a Rolex and a campaign contribution, and the Democrats, with their bottomless creativity in inventing beautiful ideals like equity, social justice and women’s rights in order to legitimize racism, looting and infanticide?
Well, I thought about it, and after long hours of serious cogitation and enough alcohol to make an elephant think he’s a gazelle with cellulite, I finally realized that there is one thing that brings both Republicans and Democrats together, and that’s their abiding love of sexual degradation.
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