I know you’ll all be thrilled, and not just thrilled but also delighted, and not just thrilled and delighted but also apoplectic to learn that the Democratic Socialists of America have now published their platform, detailing their plans for the future of America.
As the warmth of collectivism spreads through the Democrat party like the radiant glow of the X-ray you get after you’ve been coughing heavily for several months until your wife says maybe you ought to have that checked out and then immediately texts her lover to tell him, “Change of plan, we may be able to solve this problem without resorting to violence,” it’s good to get a clear picture of just what these delightful Marxists want to accomplish once they gain power.
The Democratic Socialists of America website describes their beautiful vision and, so help me, these are real quotes:
“Imagine a future without capitalism. You have no debt. You don’t need health insurance. You don’t pay a mortgage or have a landlord, because comfortable housing is a human right. Your retirement is publicly funded. Food, education, energy, medicine, and transportation aren’t for-profit businesses; they are common goods and utilities.”
Now you might ask, “How are you going to pay for all that?” And then you might disappear without a trace, as has happened to people who ask questions in almost every socialist country. But disappearing’s not so bad if you like magic. And if you like magic, you’ll love socialism.
The website goes on to say — and again, these are real quotes: “For the working class to govern, we need a new political system. Replace the president and Supreme Court with an executive and judiciary chosen by and subordinate to Congress. Abolish the Senate and establish public ownership of the largest corporations.”
With that all-powerful Congress elected by illegals and felons, the DSA plans to save America by destroying America. Or as one DSA member put it — and again, I’m quoting: “The most important thing we can do is take America down from within.”
Now, I have to tell you, I found this socialist program so uplifting, I was inspired to write a campaign song that any Democrat party candidate from the DSA can use free of charge.
It goes like this:
“We hate you, so vote for us. You disgust us. So trust us.
We think your evil is profound. We hate you bitterly.
We’ll burn your nation to the ground, and we mean literally.
We will destroy you, so why not say, “Hip hip hooray for the DSA?”
Isn’t that great? In fact, I like that song so much, I think I’ll add a second verse:
“We hate you, so vote for us. We want to cut your throats. So give us all your votes.
We have a socialistic theory of Utopia that’s sure to turn the U.S. into Ethiopia.
That’s our agenda! So what do you say? Vote today for the DSA.”
Oh my goodness, I cannot wait for a time when workers govern us, instead of this unfair system where we govern ourselves. So what the hell, let’s do another verse. Sing it with me now!
“We hate you, so vote for us. We deride you, so let us guide you.
We favor genocidal Muslims over freedom-loving Jews.
So when you go into the voting booth, why, we’re the ones to choose.
We loathe this country, so don’t delay.
Vote today for the DSA!”
You know, when I look at the DSA’s lineup of candidates and see a thin, attractive light brown woman with big glasses and styled hair standing right there beside another thin, attractive light brown woman with big glasses and styled hair, coming together with yet another thin, attractive light brown woman with big glasses and styled hair, I am so moved by their diversity. And when I hear them speaking with such certainty and conviction about things they don’t understand even a little bit, why, I can’t resist singing one last verse of my DSA campaign song. Here we go!
“We hate you, so vote for us.
You nauseate us, so elevate us.
We’ll bring down every corporation and laugh ha ha ha
And then we’ll give you jobs from… la la la la la la la.
It’s never worked before but what the hey?
Sing hip hooray for the DSA!”
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