Surging Kamala Crows: ‘This is Why I Slept My Way Into Politics!’ [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Future former presidential candidate Kamala Harris has made a new campaign promise in a tweet, which said—and this is a real quote, “When elected president, I will give Congress 100 days to put a gun safety bill on my desk. And if they don’t, I will take executive action.”

Miss Harris further says that when elected, she will wear a golden crown studded with rubies, and a flowing purple robe with a white ermine collar and will change the Constitution with a touch of her scepter, which will double as a magic wand.

Harris told reporters, “I didn’t sleep my way into politics to just stand around doing nothing once I have all that sweet, sweet power in my hot little hands. I envision a close presidential race that further inflames the division and anger tearing this country to pieces, swiftly followed by my destroying the rights half the nation holds dear.”

After her stunning performance at the debate, in which she unfairly implied Joe Biden was racist and sentimentalized the catastrophic policy of busing, observers say Harris has recaptured some of the feisty spirit that caused Willie Brown to call her “a terrific lay and well worth the 120-thousand dollar patronage job I had to give her for the privilege of getting my hands on her.”

Strategists in the Harris campaign say if their girl can just continue race-baiting and getting dewy about crappy leftist policies, she should have a shot at the White House where she’ll be able to follow in Barack Obama’s footsteps by demonstrating all the good that race-baiting and crappy policies can do for this nation.

Demonstrating her new energy in a speech to a group of homeless San Franciscans crapping on the sidewalk, Harris said, “As Senator from the formerly great state of California, I helped make this state the overpriced hellhole it’s become and I believe I can do the same for the entire country.”

As Willie Brown used to say: va-va-va voom!