“Saturday Night Live” kicked off its new season over the weekend and surprisingly took aim at President Joe Biden and the Democrats on Capitol Hill.
In the cold open, new cast member James Austin Johnson nailed Biden, imitating his cadence, the lean-in to the microphone, and even his ever-widening eyes. The skit mocked Biden’s failed attempts to win passage of his $4.7 trillion infrastructure and spending package.
“How’s everybody doing? What’s cooking? What’s good?” Johnson’s Biden says. “How was everyone’s summer? Mine was bad. Not Cuomo bad but definitely not Afghanistan good. Everybody keeps razzing me about that drone strike. But on the bright side, I went the entire summer without falling down the stairs once. It’s pretty darn good.”
“Unlike our last president, I try to stay out of the limelight — like an oil change you don’t think about me until you absolutely have to. Right now Americans need me, Democrats need me. Got major infrastructure and historic social bills I have to get past. So now I’m bringing together the Democrats like Voltron. Sure, they’re all different colors but fundamentally, they’re robots” Biden says.
Johnson then introduces Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ), played by Cecily Strong, who says: “What do I want from this bill? I’ll never tell. I didn’t come to Congress to make friends, and so far, mission accomplished.”
Biden responds, “Is it just me or does she look like all the characters from Scooby Doo at the same time?”
He then introduces Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV), played by Aidy Bryant, who Biden calls a “pain in my keister.”
“I am a Democrat from West Virginia. If I vote for electric cars, they are going to kill me,” Bryant says.
Biden then introduces members of the progressive caucus, including Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN), played by Ego Nwodim, who says, “Thank you Joe, for not calling me Kamala.”
“For those of you who don’t know me, I was designed in a lab to give Tucker Carlson a heart attack,” she says.
Then Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), played by Melissa Villaseñor, appears, saying, “It’s me, the Cruella of the Met Gala. I wore the dress that said, ‘Tax the rich.’ Then spent all night partying with the rich. Oops.”
Biden then tries to get the two sides to work out their differences, telling them “we’re all saying the same damn thing.”
“That’s right, I’m saying we need at least $300 billion in clean energy tax credits,” AOC says.
Then Manchin replies, “And I’m saying zero.”
“See — same page,” Biden says.
“There’s a lot of good stuff in this bill like 12 weeks of paid family leave,” Biden says.
“Six days,” Sinema says.
“Six whole days of paid —” Biden says.
“Unpaid,” Manchin says.
“Unpaid six whole days,” Biden says.
“Nights,” Sinema says.
“Six nights of unpaid family half leave,” Biden says.
When Biden asks what exactly progressives want in exchange, AOC says, “What about a child tax credit?”
“Great idea, why don’t we say children don’t pay taxes,” the president responds. “It’s a lot of math.”
Manchin breaks in to say, “If we give children too much leeway, how are we going to get them to work in the mines. We need their tiny hands to dig. All the big pieces are gone. We need kid fingers to gather the little pieces.”
The skit continued, with the two sides arguing. Finally, Biden asks Sinema to “just tell us … what do you like?”
“Yellow Starbursts. The film The Polar Express. And when someone eats fish on an airplane,” she says.
Then AOC asks, “Can’t we compromise on anything? Isn’t something better than nothing?”
Sinema replies, “Look, as a wine drinking, bisexual triathlete, I know what the average American wants. They want to be put on hold when they call 911. They want bridges that just stop, car falls down. They want water so thick you can eat it with a fork. And I will fight for that, no matter what. Unless my foot hurts, then I will go back to Arizona.”
Sinema left Washington, D.C., on Friday, in the middle of stalled negotiations, to reportedly see a doctor after having broken her foot during a marathon over the summer.