First off, my thanks to Ben and Jeremy for such a kind welcome. It is wonderful to be an official part of the Daily Wire family, and I thought that for my first official piece I would try something different. I hope you enjoy my little ditty…
“Merry Trumpmas to Sore Losers (Especially the Media).”
Your safe space is triggered, down came the Potemkin Blue Wall,
occupied by deplorables, who use words like “y’all.”
Your mood is down low, but way up is the Dow.
That’s right, even Nate Silver can’t save you now.
You chose Hollywood’s Rob Reiners over coal country’s miners.
What does your autopsy say about losing the Carolinas?
You exalted a twerker, belittled the worker,
then callused hands shut down Colbert and Stewart’s smirker.
And as is required, you hauled out the tired,
pretentious old rock stars, no longer admired.
But the smokescreen of Springsteen came with a cost,
for when votes were counted, even Bruce got bossed.
You indulged Wall Street’s Dillers and those BLM killers,
now reap a Rustbelt reckoning from millers and drillers.
Bubba went Davos, Chelsea turned out worse,
Hillary looks like she sleeps in a hearse.
You screamed KKK, and were so certain that Bey,
would smash the glass ceiling for pantsuited decay.
But as strategies go, that’s pretty gay.
Now Obama’sCare’s doomed. Hip-Hip hooray!
Even your media’s old bag of tricks,
thanks to us hicks, has met the River Styx.
That destructive swindle of demographic destiny,
has just Chappaquiddick’d the party of Ted Kennedy.
You’re Ben & Jerry, while I’m concealed carry,
say bye to that failed legacy from Barry.
The One broke his vow, my insurance he did take.
How’s this for a plan, go bake your own Goddamn cake.
Your butt it does ache, so you now scream of ‘holocaust,’
my heart it does sing, cuz Hill won more votes and still lost.
She bungled Benghazi, your rape-denying hasbeen,
‘scuse me while we go Make America Great Again.
To cancel out my ballot using an illegal voter,
no ID would be required in your New World Order.
And if we dare protest, you scream racist! with glee,
and now your despair makes me laugh until I pee.
Even though you were warned to never trust males made of beta,
how smug you were wielding The Upshot’s “pro-science” data.
You’ve lost and now you riot in your very own backyards.
Say, can you smell the irony of calling us Trumptards?
Lick your wounds by clicking on that Post which is still Huffing,
balm your sadz with the New York Times, forget they know nothing.
Do turn to Cherokee Warren to make your dreams come true,
cuz that’s the ticket back to power, one more old, white shrew.
Never forgive their treachery, the soulless media elite,
left-wingery masked as journalism, do relish their defeat.
These diseased supremacists, shrill peacocks no one elected,
their power to persuade went poof, truth exposed the infected.
The Washington Post dissolved into a red-baiting Truther,
NBC News pins its hopes on a rigged-election Boother.
Spawn your hate-crime hoaxes, your blacklists cloaked as “fake news,”
marinate in the failure of your polls and their skews.
You fact-checking grifters, we’re all just hating you back,
you impotent stooges, who only quack, flack, and hack.
You fascists, you crybullies, you speech-policing thugs,
how sweet to see the know-it-all slapped from your smug mugs.
As far as what powers this Mighty Trump Train,
now it’s time for me to throw you a Voxsplain.
Our fuel comes from the bitter tears that rain,
when your pompous privilege turns to luscious pain.
You’ve smeared me as an idiot since I can’t remember when,
and yet I’m not the “woke” dumbass who believed CNN.
But since the word “Christmas” gives your pinched faces twitches,
let me close by saying this: Merry Trumpmas, Bitchez.
Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC