A possible third term (calm down, libs, it was just a joke), Nicki Minaj twerking, and the biggest collection of Trump Derangement Syndrome sufferers all under one roof.
The White House promised President Trump would deliver a speech that was both “unifying yet vicious” at the rescheduled White House Correspondents’ Dinner. He did exactly that.
Three months after the original dinner was scrapped when yet another assassination attempt on Trump’s life unfolded outside the ballroom at the Washington Hilton, the annual black-tie affair finally returned Friday night.
This time, it was a very different scene.
The Secret Service dramatically tightened security, putting guests through airport-style magnetometer screenings before they entered the Waldorf Astoria, formerly the Trump International Hotel.
“It’s great to be back at a place that I know very well because I built it,” Trump joked as he took the stage.
The president immediately gave the room a taste of what was coming.
“But just like my presidency the second time is always better,” Trump said. “It’s always better. And the third time will be better yet. I’m only kidding.”
Trump then turned to the terrifying reason the original dinner was cut short, calling the attempted attack “an assault on our democracy itself” and praising the law enforcement officers who rushed toward the danger.
But he still found a way to get a laugh out of the chaos.
“After hearing the gunshots many people yelled ‘Get down get down,’ which caused Nicki Minaj to start twerking,” Trump jokes. “Do you believe it? Get down. She’s the only one that really understood what that meant.”
From there, nearly everyone was fair game.
Trump declared it “the largest group of Trump Derangement Syndrome people ever put together at one time.”
He then turned his attention to Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., trolling him about his roadkill controversies.
“I want you all to know that Bobby Kennedy who’s right here personally ran over the cow in his car,” Trump joked about the beef tenderloin served for dinner. “And he cut it up and he brought it here for you to eat tonight so it’s very fresh.”
He was not done.
“Bobby also suggested an appetizer featuring his favorite cut of male raccoon roadkill,” Trump added. “But we drew the line at that.”
Trump also took swings at Joe Biden, Gavin Newsom, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Adam Schiff, Rosie O’Donnell, Jake Tapper, Bruce Springsteen, Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and plenty of others.
Springsteen’s recent jabs at Trump earned him one of the harsher roasts of the night.
“What about Bruce Springsteen? What the hell happened to that guy? He looks like hell,” Trump said before joking that his tour had been renamed “Bored in the USA.”
The president even announced another run for the White House, at least for a few seconds.
“I’m pleased to announce my intention to run for a fourth term as President of the United States,” Trump said. “I will be doing that.”
He quickly made clear he was joking, though not before adding, “I won 3 times now, I’m gonna do it again.”
The jokes got the laughs, but Trump also made sure the audience left with the message he actually wanted them to hear.
He called the current moment “the golden age of America” and touted new investment, manufacturing, military recruitment, and falling crime in Washington, D.C.
Despite years of fighting with many of the reporters in the room, Trump ended on a surprisingly friendly note.
“Sometimes I don’t feel you treat me fair,” he said. “Maybe you do I don’t know I don’t feel that but sometimes you treat me very fairly.”
“I have a lot of respect for your profession,” Trump continued. “Your profession’s amazing and I just wanna thank you for having me and it’s been fun.”
Then came the familiar promise.
“We have made America great again and it’s gonna get a lot greater.”
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