Today, I’m taking a break from politics, because I want you guys to hear my biggest pet peeves — in no particular order, I actually hate all of these things with equal passion — so we can jump right in.
Number one: Fake birthday posts.
You know what I’m talking about. It’s your best friend’s birthday and you post a picture with them in which you look really good, but the person whose birthday it is looks really bad. You just want to post yourself, so you go, “Happy birthday to my amazing friend! I love you. It’s been like the best year,” but your friend looks really bad, and you just really wanted to post that picture of yourself looking good. Please stop doing it. It’s their birthday. Don’t post a bad picture of them. If you want to post one of yourself, just do it. Don’t use someone else’s birthday as an excuse.
Number two: Food on the floor in kitchens.
I have such an aversion to food being on the floor in kitchens. I can’t stand when you’re walking barefoot in a kitchen and people have just cooked and there’s that slimy feeling. I think after you eat, you really should vacuum or swiffer the floors. Just do something to the floor in kitchens!
Number three: Modern model poses.
I cannot stand this. It’s a new, I guess, artsy fartsy trend. But all of a sudden, when you’re buying stuff online, the models are posed in weird, almost gymnast-style poses. You’re trying to buy a shirt and they’re upside-down. I want to buy the shirt, but I can barely see it because of the model’s pose! Look, I don’t really care if your model can do the splits, so please, let’s stop this trend. It’s really bad.
Number four: Everything being automated.
I can not stand that technology has gone so far forward that we’re basically backwards. I’m tired of looking like I’m doing karate in the bathroom because I have to try to turn on the water faucet, or because I’m trying to get a piece of paper out of the paper towel. It especially sucks, because people always try to talk to me in bathrooms, like they’ll say ‘Oh my gosh, Candace I love you,’ and I’m doing karate and everyone looks ridiculous down the line. So, you know what?
Please stop with the sensor technology in bathrooms, OK?
Number five: ‘Basic bitch’ captions.
Can I say that? I guess I’m saying it. I cannot stand basic bitch captions on the internet. Captions like “I hate #Tuesdays Am I right?” No, you’re not right. What are you right about? It’s Tuesday. Or “I’ve got that Wednesday feeling.” Anything that sounds really annoying and whiny, I can’t stand. Please stop using those kinds of hashtags.
Girls, I know it’s a culture on Instagram, but please stop with the Tuesdays. Am I right? No, you’re wrong.
Number six: Disorganized grocery carts.
This is just a crazy Candace thing. My husband thinks I’m crazy. But I cannot stand it when I go to the grocery store and people are not organized in their carts. I am so organized when I go there: I put the fruits and veggies in one section of the cart, and I actually will stop the bagger and ask them if I can do their job. In fact, in another life, I feel like I would have crushed it as a grocery store bagger because I cannot stand it when people are not organized and they’re throwing things everywhere.
Number seven: Styrofoam.
I can’t stand styrofoam because… I don’t need a reason. Humanity was not meant to ever do styrofoam. It’s not right.
Number eight: Bridal showers.
If I had to rank my most annoying pet peeve, it would definitively be bridal showers.
I don’t know what we’re doing with bridal showers these days, but it’s weird. It’s really, really weird. Let me take you through what happens — for those who have never been to a bridal shower. The bride goes online and picks out everything she wants, right? And then you get invited to her bridal shower and have to go online and buy whatever it is that she wants. But then she wants you to wrap it up and bring it to her at a shower. She sits in a pretty little chair and she opens the gifts one by one and pretends to be surprised by each gift that she picked for herself. And then we all have to go, ‘Awww,’ and then she opens another one.
I think it is one of the creepiest, weirdest things in general. Being a bride is a bratty experience for a lot of women, but I think bridal showers hold a special place in my heart when it comes to the things I am passionately against. Just have your friends over and celebrate being married, but please don’t make us sit through you opening the gifts that you got yourself like you’re a four-year-old.
Let us celebrate the fact that you’re getting married and stop being a spoiled brat. Long story short, don’t invite me to your bridal showers.
The views expressed in this opinion piece are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.