News and Commentary

Meet Mr. Goxx, The Crypto-Trading ‘Hamster Of Wall Street’ Beating Out Warren Buffett

   DailyWire.com
Hamster with rolled up dollar bills on white.
Llgorko via Getty Images

An investor known as Mr. Goxx has been making headlines, with a lifetime career performance of gains of around 20 percent — gains which out-perform numerous professional traders and funds, including Warren Buffett and the S&P 500.

Oh, and Mr. Goxx is a hamster.

“Mr. Goxx is a hamster living in a loving and caring environment. Unlike other hamsters, he owns a fully automated high-tech trading office, directly connected to his normal hamster-friendly home (he can enter and leave it whenever he wants),” the hamster’s team explain on his Twitch profile. 

“By running in the wheel, Mr. Goxx is able to select certain assets and by entering one of the tunnels, he decides whether to place a buy or sell order, which is then sent over to a real trading platform via API (yes, real money involved),” the profile continues. “Patience pays off! Mr. Goxx carefully evaluates the right time for his trading activity and since he’s a Hamster — he prefers night shifts (night vision cam runs with indirect IR light).”

Mr. Goxx selects which cryptocurrency he’d like to trade by running in his “intention wheel.” Then, depending on whether he passes through a “buy” or “sell” tunnel, the corresponding trade is completed.

“We felt that everything keeps getting more expensive these days and building savings is super-hard to achieve with high rents to pay,” said the two men behind Mr. Goxx, according to BBC News. “It seems like most people from our generation see no other chance than throwing a lot of their savings on the crypto market, without having a clue what’s going on there.”

“We were joking about whether my hamster would be able to make smarter investment decisions than we humans do,” they added.

In the first month of trading, Goxx Capital was down 7.3 percent, but as of September 27, Mr. Goxx’s trading performance is up to 19.41 percent.

However, Mr. Goxx is careful to inform his followers that his trading decisions are for “entertainment purposes only,” and should not be taken as financial advice.

For example, in the early hours of September 27, Mr. Goxx tweeted, “Mr. Goxx has concluded his office hours for tonight with 1 order(s) placed.”

“Career Performance: +63.27 EUR (+19.41 %),” he added, before the disclaimer, “This content is for entertainment purposes only. Investments shown here are not financial advice.”

Given that trading is notoriously stressful, a section in Mr. Goxx’s Twitch profile relates to “Hamster Welfare.”

It may happen that Mr. Goxx was busy stuffing delicious seeds into his hamster cheeks before entering one of the tunnels. Sometimes he therefore is not able to pass through and needs a moment of rest or has to go backwards ;-),” the profile reads. “We do our best to make Mr. Goxx’s life as comfortable as possible. Nonetheless, hamsters are pretty sensitive creatures with a very limited lifespan. Anything can happen anytime (as it would in nature). The image you can see is created using indirect & invisible lighting conditions with the lowest power possible to meet his needs for lowlight activity. If there was anything about the office he doesn’t like, he can leave anytime. The floodgate is exclusively used for cleaning purposes!”

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