The following is satirical.
Many on the left are saying that the current crisis is demonstrating the virtues of socialism. For instance, they say, “Since we need big government spending now, that shows we should have big government spending all the time,” or “Since government has to support health care now, that shows government should pay for health care all the time.”
Now, I always agree to the logic of the left because it keeps them pacified and gives me a chance to back away slowly before suddenly hitting them on the side of the head with a two-by-four so I can run away before they muster a mob of balaclava-wearing knuckleheads looking to kill anyone with a differing opinion.
So I’ve decided to live by these brilliant leftist arguments for the foreseeable future or until this article ends, whichever comes first.
For instance, if you should come down with a serious case of the virus and end up in a hospital bed with a ventilator mask on and tubes running in and out of every orifice of your body, that shows you should live like that all the time, and maybe put your leg in a cast as well just for good measure.
If your city has suddenly turned from a vibrant center of culture and commerce into an empty series of stone canyons in which the most entertaining thing happening is a crumpled piece of paper caught in a swirling updraft, then you should abandon the city all the time and return to the land where you can use your many agricultural skills like excavating your left nostril while watching Netflix.
And if you’re an outgoing social butterfly who suddenly finds yourself huddling alone in a room hoping a loved one will find your body, you should live like that all the time or until you turn to useful mulch.
Thus by applying leftist logic to all the actions taken during an emergency, it turns out we really can learn something: namely, never to use leftist logic at all.
Related: CURL: COVID-19 In The U.S.: Doomsday Numbers Just Don’t Add Up