Opinion

Goodbye Underwater Basket Weaving, Hello DEI Major! Wharton’s New Degree Is Dumbest Ever

   DailyWire.com
The logo for the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School is displayed at the campus in San Francisco, California, U.S., on Friday, Feb. 3, 2012. The University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School, the 131-year-old business school in Philadelphia, is counting on a new West Coast campus to raise its high-tech profile.
(David Paul Morris/Bloomberg via Getty Images) (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

In “Politics & The English Language,” George Orwell warns writers to avoid using dying metaphors that have lost “all evocative power.” For example, making fun of hippie liberals for getting a “degree in underwater basketweaving” is now a bit outdated.

Well, fear not because thanks to the Wharton School of Business, we have a newly invented metaphor that might be even better to describe useless college degrees: The DEI major.

Beginning in 2023, you can now receive a Master of Business Administration in Diversity, Equity & Inclusion (DEI).

You’ll have to take classes in courses such as “Business Economics and Discrimination” and “Leading Diversity in Organizations,” but once you complete the required number of credits, you can proudly walk out that door saying, “I did it, Mom. I am now one step closer to completely scamming the system as a DEI consultant.”

Of course, it isn’t entirely clear that you need a major in DEI at all to make money off that grift. You just need to understand that so long as you are pushing anti-white measures in whatever company, organization, or non-profit you are working for, then you are advancing DEI.

For example, if you copy companies such as Google and start a fellowship that’s only available to minorities, white people excluded, then you’re increasing diversity. If you’re firing people based on whether or not they are part of an “underrepresented population,” such as the Minneapolis school district does, then you’re pushing equity. If you’re asking white people to leave a designated multicultural safe space at the University of Virginia because their presence makes some people feel excluded, then you’ve fostered inclusion.

At the risk of offending Paleolithic feminists — it’s so easy, a caveman could do it.

There is decent money to be made in a DEI career. We know the Biden administration is intent on forcing it into every aspect of the federal government, so if you get a DEI degree, chances are you can get a cushy government job.

Or, if you learn how really work the system in the name of DEI, you could wind up as a chief diversity officer at any woke corporation. Those folks make quite a pretty penny.

“The average Chief Diversity Officer salary in the United States is $227,900 as of September 26, 2022, but the range typically falls between $196,200 and $275,700,” according to salary.com.

At this point in the article, some people might be wondering what the Three Stooges featured in the cover photo have to do with any of this.

There are three reasons:

1. The Three Stooges are just hilarious and a true American classic.

2. The math equation on the chalkboard, “2+2=3” sounds like it could come from a DEI major. After all, a 2021 report revealed that a California school curriculum was teaching that it is racist to correct math mistakes. In woke math, the answer isn’t objective. That instruction came from a document titled, “A Pathway to Equitable Math Instruction: Dismantling Racism in Mathematics Instruction.”

3. The story is reminiscent of the Three Stooges episode titled, “Violent Is the Word for Curly.” The short film features the classic song, “Swinging the Alphabet.” In the episode, Larry, Moe, and Curly somehow convince a prestigious school that they are three esteemed professors. Of course, they are a bunch of knuckleheads. Instead of actual education, they teach their class how to “swing the alphabet” with a nonsensical song.

The DEI major is, of course, equally silly to any lesson plan taught by the Stooges. Regardless, if you swing the D-E-I alphabet, you’ll note you get D-I-E.

This comparison might be in violation of Orwell’s aforementioned dying metaphor rule, but we could all use a laugh in this crazy, woke-filled, DEI major populated world.

“Swinging the Alphabet” can be seen here:

The views expressed in this piece are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

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