Feminist Suffering From ‘White Guilt’ Has INSANE Meltdown Over Her Own Dreadlocks

Annah Anti-Palindrome, a white feminist in the critical stages of White Guilt, wrote a heart-wrenching piece for America’s favorite feminist website that you thought was actually satire, Everyday Feminism. This white feminist explains how irresponsible she was as a young rebel rocking dreadlocks, after all, black people hold the patent on dreadlocks, or something.

Anti-Palindrome takes us through the stages of her meltdown, until she eventually cuts off her own dreadlocks in an act of disavowal of cultural appropriation; in the end she is obviously still an evil white person, but, hey, she tried.

Reminiscing on her time from Stage One White Guilt, the self-loathing feminist explains that her dreadlocks were mere rebellion, though guilt is still dripping from her own rationale: “I let my leg and armpit hair grow long, and I let the hair on my head spiral into a nest of cords, matts, and tangles (a hairdo I would later ignorantly and appropriatively refer to as dreadlocks).”

Anti-Palindrome goes further, saying that she wrongfully felt “empowered” by her dreadlocks, which were only supposed to be “offensive” to “The Patriarchy,” not black people.

“In navigating through a predominantly white, feminist punk subculture, I never gave a second thought to whether wearing my hair in dreadlocks was offensive — at least to any one other than to The Patriarchy,” she wrote.

Stage Two: The guilt really starts to set in as the feminist with dreadlocks feels “tolerance” which can apparently only be attributed to her “whiteness.”

I wasn’t followed around by security guards every time I went into a store. I wasn’t hassled by the cops for hanging out with my friends on street corners. I wasn’t hauled off to jail on the presumption that I was a gang member just because of my nonconventional appearance.

To further my point, being a white grrrl with dreadlocks, as well as someone who wore clothing scrappily held together by safety pins, dental fIoss and band patches, I was still considered employable and trustworthy.

Without any regard to personal qualifications, even with an incarceration record and no college education, I was often given responsibilities that put me in positions of authority over my co-workers of color.

Despite my rebellious appearance, I enjoyed a level of tolerance from authority figures and society at large that can only be attributed to my whiteness.

Increasingly disgusted with her so-called white privileged, and with the help of a gentle nudge from her feminist friends, Anti-Palindrome apparently read up on her faulty behavior and realized that she was “participating in the shitty reality that, for centuries, white people have felt entitled to taking pretty much anything their hearts desire – entire continents, human bodies, land resources, and, yes, whatever cultural trappings of the communities they colonized that were thought to be intriguing at the time.” Let’s go ahead and call this Stage Three.

“I realized that I was participating in the shitty reality that, for centuries, white people have felt entitled to taking pretty much anything their hearts desire – entire continents, human bodies, land resources, and, yes, whatever cultural trappings of the communities they colonized that were thought to be intriguing at the time.”

-Annah Anti-Palindrome

Conveying full insanity, the guilt-ridden feminist makes a list of all the “nonverbal statements” she was “making to folks of color” by wearing her hair in dreadlocks:

“Look! I can reject all of mainstream society’s expectations of me and still be treated with more respect than you!”

“Your legacies of cultural resistance are so irrelevant that they’ve become nothing more than a fashion accessory to help me evade the expectations of white womanhood!”

“I don’t care that my presence illicitness discomfort and sometimes communicates what is seen as blatant disrespect!”

“I don’t care that my hairstyle symbolizes the kind of white entitlement that has resulted in centuries worth of global, colonial violence.”

Finally, as Stage Four White Guilt begins to set in, there was only one thing left to do: cut those culturally appropriative dreads!

Anti-Palindrome recalls the joy she felt from cutting the dreads; she “literally and figuratively” felt “a dozen pounds lighter.”

“Cutting off my dreadlocks didn’t make me an instantly ‘good white person’ or even a trustworthy ally.”

-Annah Palindrome

But, because White Guilt is inescapable, Anti-Palindrome makes it clear that she is still an evil white person:

“Cutting off my dreadlocks didn’t make me an instantly ‘good white person’ or even a trustworthy ally, but it sure as hell dismantled some of the barriers that stood in the way of cultivating deep, meaningful relationships based on mutual respect, trust and solidarity,” said the feminist who still isn’t a “good white person.”

So there you have it: Don’t you dare dabble in other cultures — but if you do, be sure to ask for forgiveness, sacrifice at the altar of White Guilt and then make sure you realize you’re still not a “good white person.”

Feminism sure does seem like a blast, especially if you’re white!