Dems Demand Trump Stop Solving Nation’s Problems So They Can Impeach Him [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Democrats continue to toy with the idea of impeaching Donald Trump. On the one hand, it seems easier than trying to defeat him in an election. But on the other hand, there could be a lot of paper work involved plus they’d have to find a place to park near the Capitol building.

Congressman Jerry Nadler was interviewed while hiding under a bridge in hopes of devouring one of the three billy goats Gruff and he said, “We have fallen into a terrible imaginary crisis while voters just stand around apathetically admiring their new jobs or their new cars or the fact that they can now feed their families. We need to make these people understand how hysterical I am or else we can’t even begin to tear this country apart over nothing.”

Congressman Adam Schiff stood on the Capitol steps waving a sealed envelope and telling reporters, “I have in this envelope absolute proof that Donald Trump colluded with the Russians, and if he didn’t collude with the Russians he obstructed justice and if he didn’t obstruct justice he said racists were fine people and if he didn’t say racists were fine people then why I am standing here waving this envelope?”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi remains uncertain on the matter of impeachment, and in a statement made to the statue of Sacagawea in the Capital rotunda, said, “The questions we have to answer as a nation are ‘Where am I?’ and ‘Why is there a lipstick stain on my forehead?’ Because before we can move forward with a matter as important as impeaching George W. Bush, I need to know why I locked myself in the broom closet last week, and if not then, when?”

President Trump meanwhile has introduced a proposal to revamp the current immigration system, but Democrats say that’s just a cynical ploy to try to distract voters from the matter of impeachment by solving the nation’s problems.