Democrats Order Holiday Shut Downs to Stop Dangerous Spread of Christianity [Satire]

Democrat governors continue to shut down their states and cities in the hope they can bring virus levels down to where they are in Florida, where everything has remained open. Democrats say that Covid-19 — or as it’s sometimes called the Chinese Flu or the Kung Flu or the Commie Whommy or the I Don’t Feel Swal-Well…

What was I saying?

Oh yeah.

Democrats say that the Red Death is a particular threat at Christmas time because families and friends might gather together to worship the only son of the living God and realize that virtually everything the Democrats believe is a hideous perversion of the design of the Creation and then vote the Democrats out of office en masse.

To prevent the dangerous spread of Christianity, Democrats say they must ban outdoor dining, indoor eating, making money, having opinions and loving anyone who is not in government.

Plus churches must be demolished, preferably in the middle of services.

In New York City, Mayor De Blasio told reporters, “I do understand New Yorkers like Christmas a lot, but the mayor, who lives just north of Brooklyn, does not. The mayor just hates Christmas, the whole Christmas season. Now please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.”

The Mayor was then taken to the hospital to be treated for a heart that’s two sizes too small.

In California, Governor Gavin Newsom says he will prevent dangerous Christmas gatherings by flying on his leathery wings above the city and shooting fiery rays from his pitchfork at anyone trying to enter a church, gather in prayer, worship silently while sitting alone or failing to sacrifice a child to a fifty foot golden statue of Baal that looks remarkably like Governor Gavin Newsom.

In Minnesota, Governor Ubersturmfuhrer Gretchen Whitmer said she would try to make Christmas lockdowns fun by adapting the annual tradition in which NORAD tracks the flight of Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve.

This year, Whitmer says, they’ll also shoot him down.