The following is satirical.
As the long Chinese Flu crisis created by China drags on, different sorts of Americans are handling it in different ways.
Republican President Trump says he is forming a commission to examine how to get the country back to work again.
Conversely, Leftist columnist Paul Krugman of the New York Times, a former newspaper, says Trump is wrong and we should instead despair and die, languishing in our homes until the food runs out and we devour first our pets, then our children, after which only those people who wear tinfoil hats so they can receive messages from heaven, which is located on the planet Bingbong, will be allowed to emerge into the light of a new tomorrow and build an entire society of people named Paul Krugman, who work for the New York Times, a former newspaper which will have now become Thoth, the many-eyed destroyer of worlds.
In Texas, Republican Governor Greg Abbot is preparing to gradually lift lockdown orders and reopen the economy.
In Michigan, Democrat Governor Gretchen Whitmer has ordered ten thousand dollar fines for anyone who looks out of their window or believes in God, and has signed into law a decree allowing her to wear military uniforms including a large Napoleon-style hat with a peacock feather in it. The law also requires anyone who thinks of her to remark out loud how attractive she looks in her new hat and how powerful yet merciful she is in her complete control of every aspect of Michigan life. Those who do not will be executed, along with anyone who takes a walk or seems hopeful.
Several Republican Governors have issued no lockdown orders at all, fearing it might violate the public’s Constitutional rights.
Democrat Governors, meanwhile, gathered in a Chicago strip club to celebrate their ascendancy to absolute power over American life by getting the haircuts and massages they require to keep them relaxed and attractive as they rule the universe like gods.
So a pattern is beginning to emerge.
Related: ‘Lied Since Day 1’: More Than 150,000 Sign Petition To Recall Gov. Whitmer