Yet again, an assassin tried to murder President Donald Trump. Naturally, the conversation around the latest attempt quickly swung to the obvious fact that it was a false flag operation designed to increase support for the new White House ballroom. That noted MAGA stalwart Rand Paul plans to introduce a Senate bill to get the ballroom built only lends credence to this totally plausible and not totally insane theory.
The ballroom, once a yuge topic of discussion, had fallen out of favor for resistance libs/”conservative” influencers. That crowd had moved on to other issues, mainly regarding Iran and Israel’s occupation of the government, though I’ve personally heard one claim that Trump’s health is failing and he’ll be forced to resign soon. This focus on other “issues” would work to Trump’s favor as he could do his building while people are distracted.
Now, though, it’s back to the fore, and people are once again seething about the Trump ballroom. This, of course, makes total sense, as having a dedicated and secure space at the White House for events such as the Correspondents’ Dinner is obviously fascism of some flavor, and Trump also assuredly wants to keep the focus on his favorite project, thus ensuring unnecessary roadblocks are placed in its way.
It’s almost kind of an understandable Rube Goldberg, if you hold your breath for a little too long and squint just right. Perhaps, though, the real estate mogul who currently occupies the White House is just really into real estate development. Sure, his tastes may be a little more flamboyant than most, but the man understands property. Also, and I know this is shocking, it’s not his ballroom. It’s a space that will be used by presidents who follow Trump, presumably some of whom will be Democrats.
If that goes against your anti-fascist, no kings sensibilities, well, allow me to retort. For starters, Trump is going to leave office; he’s not Nicolas Cage, and a ballroom is not the Constitution. It’s not a double-wide being placed on the grounds that one can simply load onto a trailer. This isn’t the Bill Clinton ballroom.
Second verse, same as the first, even if Trump were going to ferret the ballroom away with him when he leaves office, that is not a thing that is physically possible. It’s simple logistics, though if you have the know-how when it comes to stealing a 90,000 sq. ft. structure, please reach out. Architectural theft, particularly the theft of a building that one architect calls “too large,” is something I might be interested in. While the costs associated with said absconding would likely inflate the black-market price, one could still get a pretty penny nickel for a nicked ballroom.
Third, and this is the most important part, someone tried to kill President Trump for a third time. It should go without saying that politicians shouldn’t be assassinated, even those whom people really dislike. It’s not something to be treated as normal. We’re not the Roman Empire (yet), nor are we Russia. We’re America. We’re better than this.
We’re also better than immediately jumping to a conspiracy theory when a nutjob attempts to assassinate a man who is constantly demonized as Hitler, a tyrant, a fascist, and any other -ists that roughly translate to “politician who does things differently than I’d like them done.” Consider the possibility that such demonization might encourage the less mentally stable among us to take action.
Yes, Trump wants the ballroom. It would be a very visible part of his legacy. Would he go so far as to stage a fake assassination attempt in order to get it? No, and floating such theories reveals an abnormally high level of crazy. It also belies the whole fascist king thing, as fascist kings are known for just doing things rather than relying on libertarians to serve as project managers.
If you want to harbor such beliefs, though, and again I strongly encourage you not to harbor such beliefs, it’s best to keep those to yourself. Not only do they reveal a level of callousness one shouldn’t roll with, but they’re also totally retarded. And one thing no one should ever do is go full retard. Just ask Sean Penn.
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Rich Cromwell is a writer living in Northwest Arkansas. He produces the Cookin’ Up a Story podcast, which you can listen to here. You can also follow him on X: @rcromwell4.
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