A new study shows that the vast majority of married couples that stay together even when there is unhappiness end up being happy that they didn’t divorce.
The study, conducted by the Marriage Foundation, found that of the 70 percent of couples remain married despite such problems following the birth of their first child. 68 percent of them said that 10 years later, they were happy to have remained together.
“Contrary to popular belief, staying in an unhappy marriage could be the best thing you ever do,” the Marriage Foundation’s Harry Benson told the UK Telegraph.
Benson is correct. Here are seven reasons why.
1. Patience is key. As the Telegraph piece notes, it’s not uncommon for marriages to have problems. But unless the problems involve abuse or an affair, over time the problems that arise in a marriage can be ironed out.
“Talk to anyone who has a satisfying relationship 20 years on and they will tell you that it has had to be forged by sensitive, hard work by both sides over time,” Sir Paul Coleridge, the Marriage Foundation’s founder, told the Telegraph. “Keeping your relationship working and going forward is the far and away the best and most important ingredient in your child’s development.”
2. Divorces can be rather expensive. The Huffington Post notes that the average divorce costs somewhere in the $15,000 to $20,000 range, as the following costs have to be taken care of:
- Attorney’s fees (which can vary by state)
- Court costs (also varies by state)
- Costs for parent education classes
- Fees for early neutral evaluations
- Mediation costs
And if there is real estate involved, you can also expect to pay:
- Refinancing costs
- Record deed fees
- Added hourly attorney’s fees
Between the aforementioned costs and the cost of child support, divorce can result in a lot of money being lost.
3. Divorces are a long, drawn-out process. According to the Telegraph, the divorce process can only take a few weeks if there are no disagreements, but since that’s unlikely divorce proceedings typically take at least a year to occur.
4. Divorces can shatter a person’s confidence. Freelance writer Sharilee Swaity points out that “divorce is the ultimate rejection” since it means that one failed at maintaining a relationship with what they thought was their life partner. It also prompts people to dive into new relationships as soon as possible to restore their dating confidence and it can make them hesitant to engage in a new commitment.
“When I was dating my husband, he was very reluctant to make a commitment to marry,” Swait writes. “In fact, it was terrifying to him. You see, he had ‘failed’ at marriage once, and he did not want to fail again.”
5. Divorces can alienate one social’s circle. Swaity notes that it can be awkward for those who were friends with both of the people in a marriage to choose between one of them and hang out with them. It can also be uncomfortable for a married couple to hang out with someone who is divorced. Divorces also mean spending significantly less time with in-laws.
6. Divorces have a detrimental impact on children. Children of divorced parents are often caught in the middle, as they have to divide their time–and emotions–between both parents and possibly even have to move to accommodate a divorce. There’s also the fact that the drain in financial resources will affect children of divorces as well, and studies show that even if parents are happy in their post-marriage, their children do not share that happiness.
According to Swaity, children of divorce “are affected by it forever”:
In fact, Judy Wallerstein, a well-known advocate of children of divorce, stated that even 25 years later, children of divorce were 40% less likely to marry. They had romantic problems many years after the divorce.
Another study, “The Effects of Divorce on America,” found staggering correlations between problems in children and divorce. Divorce was linked to higher drug abuse, lower grades, and higher suicide rates. These are only a couple of examples; there are have been many other studies done on this subject as well.
7. There is a direct correlation between broken families and higher crime. Radio host Larry Elder explains that is largely due to the lack of a father figure, and breaks it down here.
This is not to say there aren’t valid reasons to have a divorce; abusive marriages, affairs or the realization that it just isn’t meant to be are certainly acceptable reasons for a divorce. The research, however, shows that most relationships do survive in the long-run as problems can be solved.
Follow Aaron Bandler on Twitter @bandlersbanter.
