Flowcharts to check if your costume is racist, counseling for students offended by your costume, bans on dressing as Pocahontas, schools cancelling costume parades, Lena Dunham; not even Halloween can escape the poison of political correctness. Time to Make Halloween Great Again!
Looking to turn a few heads at this year’s Halloween party, ruffle a few feathers, melt a few snowflakes? If you’re brave enough to suffer the consequences, then try any one of these “10 Best Political Costumes For 2017” on for size.
1.) A SAFE SPACE
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Now snowflakes can have their very own portable outlet to vent their hurt feelings on when someone shows up to the party wearing a MAGA hat. Simultaneously offensive, yet simultaneously soothing, this costume is a double-whammy!
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Trench Coat
- White Shirt
- Coloring Books
- Crayons
- Puppy Photos
- White Paper or Shirt Paint
- Tape
Making this costume is relatively simple. Just tape or clip the various safe space items (crayons, coloring books, puppy photos) inside a large trench coat, then create a sign that says “SAFE SPACE” using either white paper or some shirt paint, if you have it. Every time someone asks you what your costume is, just open the trench coat and voila. Just be sure to offer them tissue to dry those leftist tears.
2.) THE GENDER UNICORN
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A cutesy little “Gender Unicorn” in the vein of “Barney the Purple Dinosaur” has been popping up on college campuses across the country, offering students a snowflake-friendly way to learn about the gender spectrum. Apparently, some genius thought that the best mascot to represent the non-binary gender cause is a mythical figure that doesn’t exist. Go figure. Let’s breathe some life into this dead horse.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Purple Clothing
- Streamers
- Cardboard Tube
- Gender Spectrum Cardboard Sign
A puffy purple jacket with some purple pants will do. If no purple clothing, then wrap yourself in some purple paper. To create the mane, attach the various purple streamers onto the back of your head, neck and back; for the horn, cut the cardboard tube into a pointed shape. If you have paint on hand, you can paint the horn rainbow or just wrap it in rainbow streamers. So people will know that you are not just a unicorn, but THE GENDER UNICORN, erect your very own “Gender Spectrum” picket sign to educate your unenlightened guests.
3.) A SNOWFLAKE
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No better way to melt snowflakes than actually dressing as one yourself. This relatively simple costume offers plenty of laughs for a limited cost.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Cardboard Sign
- Cardboard
- White Paint
- Glitter
- White Pajamas
Should you not wish to go through the hassle of making this costume, snowflake attire can be purchased just about anywhere, but since making it is all the fun, here’s what you can do: 1.) Cut a piece of cardboard into a snowflake that can attach to your back, paint it white and sprinkle it with some glitter; 2.) Make a cardboard sign containing some snowflakey catchphrase like “Speech Is Violence”; 3.) Wear white pajamas or any other white clothing laying about.
4.) THE MAGA MAN
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Here’s a little something for all you gamers out there. The famed video game character “Mega Man” has expanded his team of heroes to include the new “MAGA MAN,” sworn enemy of George Soros and his Antifa cronies. Political correctness stands no chance against this patriotic hero.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Adult Mega Man Costume
- MAGA Swag
- Trump Wig
Unless you have the skills to create your own “Mega Man” costume, you’ll have to shell out some cash for this one. Adult costumes are going for $39.99 on Amazon right now. Some costumes also come in red to evoke a little more of that MAGA spirit. Once you have the costume, then all that’s left is pinning on the MAGA swag wherever you see fit; any standard Trump wig will complete the ensemble.
5.) #TAKEAKNEE
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Ungrateful athletes taking a knee during the National Anthem have rightly angered many sports fans. What better way to vent your anger than to satirize the living daylights out of them while taking the kids out for some trick or treating. Just don’t act too surprised when you’re met with an onslaught of “BOOS” when walking down the sidewalk.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Colin Kaepernick Jersey
- Picket Sign
- iPhone
- Knee Pads
Though a Colin Kaepernick jersey would really tie it all together, any NFL player will do. Just make a cardboard sign with some half-baked message about why protesting the flag is what true Americans do and use your iPhone to play The Star-Spangled Banner on occasion. The knee pads should help with the discomfort, ‘cuz you got a whole bunch of kneeling to do before the night is through.
6.) ‘SPICEY!’
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Melissa McCarthy’s parody of Sean Spicer was by far the best SNL had to offer in 2017. Now that “Spicey’s” retired from the MAGA train, the character will most likely never return again. This Halloween, you can give “Spicey” the retirement he deserves. This costume works best when worn by a lady.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Business Suit
- GI Joe
- Barbie Doll
- American Flag Lapel Pin
Once you can get your hair to mimic Sean Spicer’s iconic receding hairline, this costume is rather simple. Just put on the suit and use your “dollies” to tell the “fake news” press a thing or two about President Trump’s new travel ban.
7.) ‘THE MOOCH’
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He came, he saw, he conquered. Though Anthony Scaramucci lasted barely two weeks as communications director for Trump’s White House, he lives on forever in our memories.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Ridicuoulsly Expensive Suit
- Ridiculously Expensive Watch
- Ridiculously Expensive Sunglasses
- Ridiculously Expensive Shoes
- Ridiculously Expensive Car
- Ridiculously Expensive Cologne
- Ridiculous Amounts of Pomade
You got to be filthy rich with a penchant for blowing large wads of cash on ridiculous things to pull this costume off. On the record, off the record; just come ready to speak your mind and lay some of that thick New York charm onto those suckers in the press pool. Be sure to keep on the lookout for John Kelly.
8.) WOMEN’S MARCH
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Uh, oh! Look out, patriarchy. It’s the angry feminists of the “Women’s March.” This “Nasty Woman” in a “pussy hat” is the scariest costume by far this year. Keep it away from children. Pregnant ladies, be warned.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Nasty Woman Shirt
- Pink “Pussy Hat”
- Picket Sign
- Cat Paws
The creativity in this costume is whatever anti-patriarchal, misandrist, craziness you can fit on your picket sign. Threatening to blow up the White House is already taken.
9.) TRUMP’S WALL
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Trump’s long-promised border wall may have an uphill battle facing it, but that doesn’t mean we can’t erect our own for the time being. You want the wall, you got the wall … So long as you can get your Mexican friend to pay for it.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- Cardboard
- Markers
- Paint
- Trump Stickers
- American Flag Toothpicks
- Wire
Paint a slab of rectangular cardboard until it resembles a big, beautiful wall that can attach to the torso. This wall was built by President Trump after all, so be sure to include as many stickers of his face alongside the “Keep Out” signs. Loop the wire at the top to mimic the concertina and place the American flag toothpicks at the corners.
10.) Cultural Appropriation
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With this costume, you become a hodge-podge of all the various cultures leftists have deemed too taboo to wear. If you don’t mind going home from the party with a black eye, and if you’re brave enough to endure the onslaught of onlookers denouncing you as “racist,” then this costume is just for you.
ITEMS NEEDED:
- As many cultural symbols or pieces clothing the left has deemed taboo that you can fit onto your body.
The trick here is fitting as many as you can.
BONUS: ‘COVFEFE’
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Trump did say he had the “best words.” It just turned out to be a word that none of us could figure out. What in the world is “Covfefe”? A late-night typo? A code-word to activate Trump’s Russian cells? What Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett Johansson at the end of Lost In Translation? We don’t know, and this costume is all up to the imagination. Here are a few suggestions on Twitter to get you thinking: