Economist Paul Krugman has retired as a columnist for the New York Times, a former newspaper. Krugman published his final column Monday, and headlined it, “I will not be retiring from the New York Times,” in order to continue his unbroken record of being wrong about every single thing. Krugman began his column in January 2000 and won the 2008 Nobel Prize in economics for his discovery that money doesn’t really talk, that’s just a metaphor. He says he’s now going to cash in his investments in Kodak and Pets.com so he can afford to devote all his time to his tinfoil farm, where he grows the hats that help him communicate with the invisible spirits who see the economic future before it happens. In his final offering, Krugman reminisced about his most important columns, including his famous 2008 masterpiece, “Why the Good Times will Never End,” along with some older columns like “The Government Can Borrow as Much as It Wants As Long as the Moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter Aligns with Mars,” and some recent ones, like “Don’t Blink or You’ll Miss the Transitory Inflation,” and “What’s Everyone Complaining About? My Intel Stock is Poised to Go Through the Roof.”
After Krugman announced his retirement from the opinion page — which is sometimes fondly called by nicknames like Knucklehead Row or Fathead City or what a bunch of stupid a-holes — the Big Brains of the page honored Krugman with a retirement party. A wild time was had by all as Charles Blow showed off his intellectual prowess by buttoning his shirt correctly while David Brooks and Thomas Friedman competed to see which of them would be first to figure out how to turn his Super Mario hat so that the brim faced forward. As the bubbly flowed and the anti-depressants were passed around, the gang grew nostalgic talking about their own famous columns, like that insightful Charles Blow favorite, “White People Are Meanies,” and David Brooks’ book on the importance of character, called, “How to Dump Your Wife for a Younger Woman,” not to mention Thomas Friedman’s thoughtful essay for last month’s Sunday Magazine, “Basheer al-Assad, a Leader with Staying Power.” Meanwhile, Ross Douthat threatened to ruin the festivities by continually grabbing the arms of passersby and screaming, “Look at me! I’m a sane, rational man! I am not supposed to be here! Please send help!”
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
The task of finding a replacement for Krugman now falls to the Times editorial board, which includes such journalistic powerhouses as the Mango Tango crayon from the jumbo size Crayola Box, a wax replica of the miraculously preserved corpse of Vladimir Lenin and that guy who walks up and down 47th Street screaming at his mother in her home in the sky. The question before them is: how to create a column that can match the level of Paul Krugman’s wit and wisdom without it becoming a series of meaningless characters that only resemble words until you look at them closely. 
One idea is to brighten up the opinion page with a typical Times Relationship column that will give readers helpful advice on where to find the best porn, how to arrange a throuple with your soon-to-be-former friends, and how you can spice up your marriage by refusing to sleep with your spouse. Another idea is a column called “Poor Little Dirtbag,” in which every week a Times writer explains why we should feel compassion for a different terrorist, pervert, murderer or Times editorialist while forgetting all about the suffering of his victim or subscriber. And finally, the board discussed a possible column by Times Editor-in-Chief Blithering Prevarication the Third called, “Why I Hate Donald Trump So So Much,” in which every single day Mr. Third gives yet another reason why he hates Donald Trump so, so much. But that idea was rejected after the editors decided it would be indistinguishable from the current opinion page.
In a statement to Times readers, the editorial board wrote, “We hope all our devoted subscribers will take a moment off from playing Wordle, and say a fond farewell to Mr. Krugman. His departure will leave a dark empty hole where his column used to be, so probably you won’t notice any difference.”
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1613165536?ref_=dbs_m_mng_rwt_calw_thcv_3&amp;storeType=ebooks" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A WOMAN UNDERGROUND</a>,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Portraits Of The Economist Paul Krugman At The Rafael Del Pino Foundation In Madrid

Man Who Was Wrong About Everything Retires From NY Times

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The Kamala Harris campaign reportedly blocked reporters from speaking to voters at an event on Monday featuring Democratic governors Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan and Josh Shapiro of Pennsylvania.
“Harris campaign is blocking reporters from talking to voters outside the press pen here at Whitmer/Shapiro event in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania,” AP reporter Steve Peoples noted on X.
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Harris campaign is blocking reporters from talking to voters outside the press pen here at Whitmer/Shapiro event in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania.
&mdash; Steve Peoples (@sppeoples) <a href="https://twitter.com/sppeoples/status/1818007645825155288?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 29, 2024</a></blockquote>
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“I can attest this is true. Happened to me here too. Lame,” Washington Post reporter Maeve Reston, who went clothes-shopping with Harris during the presidential campaign in 2019, confirmed.
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I can attest this is true. Happened to me here too. Lame. <a href="https://t.co/98iTQA8n5f">https://t.co/98iTQA8n5f</a>
&mdash; Maeve Reston (@MaeveReston) <a href="https://twitter.com/MaeveReston/status/1818018452227150089?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 29, 2024</a></blockquote>
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In 2019, Reston gleefully tweeted, “We kind of forced @kamalaharris to try on this awesome oversized rainbow sequin jacket &#8230; She snapped it up. @alivitali perfectly named it as ‘the Mardi Gras Jacket.’”
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We kind of forced <a href="https://twitter.com/KamalaHarris?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@kamalaharris</a> to try on this awesome oversized rainbow sequin jacket &#8230; She snapped it up. <a href="https://twitter.com/alivitali?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@alivitali</a> perfectly named it as “the Mardi Gras Jacket” #2020 <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/SouthCarolina?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#SouthCarolina</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/CampaignFashionReport?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#CampaignFashionReport</a> <a href="https://t.co/2G0NFRkKL6">pic.twitter.com/2G0NFRkKL6</a>
&mdash; Maeve Reston (@MaeveReston) <a href="https://twitter.com/MaeveReston/status/1096806779030290433?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 16, 2019</a></blockquote>
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“Cuz that’s what unbiased media does; go shopping with presidential candidates,” one social media user <a href="https://twitter.com/colonelpowpow/status/1096843293873397760" target="_blank" rel="noopener">noted</a>.
Harris has had her own issues with the First Amendment; when she was California Attorney General, followed by Xavier Becerra, she enforced a policy implemented by Democratic Governor Jerry Brown to demand nonprofit organizations disclose their donors to the state attorney general. “Under Harris and Becerra, the California attorney general’s office was callous with the security of this sensitive information. The trial (Americans for Prosperity Foundation v. Becerra) disclosed extensive evidence that the California AG’s office &#8216;systematically failed to maintain the confidentiality&#8217; of donor lists,” National Review <a href="https://www.nationalreview.com/2021/03/guess-who-just-admitted-harris-and-becerra-violated-the-first-amendment/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reported</a>.
Harris has a reputation as a woman who is difficult to work for. “Those who have worked for her over the past decade report that she was a tyrannical boss who terrified her employees, cursed, discouraged direct eye contact and made employees stand at attention when she entered a room,” The Washington Times <a href="https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2024/jul/29/kamala-harris-employees-flee-in-droves-ex-staff-ci/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">pointed out</a>, adding, “In a new report by the watchdog group Open the Books, researchers quantified her human resources problem. They discovered a 92% staff turnover through payroll records.”
“Taxpayers can draw their own conclusions about Harris’ management or leadership style, but what we found corroborates comments from former staffers that the vice president is difficult to work for,” OpenTheBooks CEO Adam Andrzejewski said.
Harris is not only difficult to work for but also often inarticulate. As The Economist <a href="https://www.economist.com/united-states/2024/07/22/kamala-harris-lacks-charisma-and-time?utm_medium=cpc.adword.pd&amp;utm_source=google&amp;ppccampaignID=18200423674&amp;ppcadID=149194366064&amp;ppcgclID=CjwKCAjwnqK1BhBvEiwAi7o0X9L3P2y6PxPeu-71bTP9g_zaRJ1PG3_sObHcSSdEbCTgULvSKhNzIhoCORQQAvD_BwE&amp;gad_source=1&amp;gbraid=0AAAAADf4AbYAG2ySsDZtLC9OArNLfrv7d&amp;gclid=CjwKCAjwnqK1BhBvEiwAi7o0X9L3P2y6PxPeu-71bTP9g_zaRJ1PG3_sObHcSSdEbCTgULvSKhNzIhoCORQQAvD_BwE&amp;gclsrc=aw.ds" target="_blank" rel="noopener">acknowledged</a>, “Ms. Harris struggles as an extemporaneous speaker, one of the core competencies of political life. Even maths (sic) teachers might understand why she is mocked for her enthusiastic riffs about Venn diagrams.”

Vice President Kamala Harris Delivers A Keynote At The American Federation of Teachers’ 88th National Convention In Houston

Harris Campaign Blocks Reporters From Speaking To Voters

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Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) appeared to have no recollection of her recent — and lengthy — <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/feinstein-returns-to-senate-in-wheelchair-needs-lighter-schedule" target="_blank" rel="noopener">absence</a> from Washington, D.C., during a recent interview, scolding a reporter who mentioned her time away and claiming that she had been &#8220;here, voting.&#8221;
Feinstein, 89, was absent from the Senate for nearly three months while she recovered from a bout with the shingles virus — and since her return, she has been using a wheelchair and has kept a more limited schedule than she did prior to her absence.
She had just voted against a measure that would have nullified some D.C. criminal justice reforms and was nearing the elevator in her wheelchair when a reporter approached her, according to a <a href="https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-05-16/feinstein-absence-senate-washington-health" target="_blank" rel="noopener">report</a> published Tuesday by the Los Angeles Times.
&#8220;Aren&#8217;t you an eager one?&#8221; Feinstein greeted the reporter.
The retiring senator — who announced earlier this year that she would not seek reelection in 2024 — mentioned a problem with one of her legs, but said that she had been feeling better. But when the reporter asked about her recent return to the Senate and whether her colleagues had offered much in the way of well-wishes, the interview took a turn.
&#8220;What have I heard about what?&#8221; Feinstein asked.
&#8220;About your return,&#8221; the reporter prompted.
&#8220;I haven’t been gone. You should &#8230; I haven’t been gone. I’ve been working,&#8221; Feinstein insisted.
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The reporter assumed that the California Senator meant she had been working from home, and said as much — but Feinstein insisted that she had not been gone at all.
&#8220;You’ve been working from home is what you’re saying?&#8221; the reporter attempted to clarify.
&#8220;No, I’ve been here. I’ve been voting. Please, either know or don’t know,&#8221; Feinstein said, and brought the interview to an abrupt close.
Feinstein, at 89, is the oldest member of the Senate — and even before her recent battle with shingles, <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/colleagues-say-sen-feinstein-may-be-mentally-unfit-to-serve" target="_blank" rel="noopener">concerns had been raised</a> about her fitness to continue to serve in the deliberating body. Since she announced her diagnosis, those calls <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/gop-senators-revolt-against-democrats-bid-to-replace-feinstein-on-judiciary" target="_blank" rel="noopener">grew louder</a> — especially amid concerns that the Senate Judiciary Committee could have trouble advancing President Joe Biden&#8217;s judicial nominees while they were missing a tie-breaking vote.

Senate Intelligence Cmte Holds Hearing For Nat’l Intelligence Director Nominee

Feinstein Doesn’t Recall Being Absent From The Senate. She Was Gone For 10 Weeks.

Feinstein Doesn't Recall Being Absent From The Senate. She Was Gone For 10 Weeks.

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An ESPN veteran female baseball reporter was reportedly fired after calling another female reporter the c-word.
Marly Rivera , who had worked at ESPN for 13 years, was feuding with freelance reporter Ivon Gaete after Rivera told Gaete that Rivera had a planned interview with New York Yankees superstar Aaron Judge. Gaete — who happens to be the wife of MLB vice president of communications, John Blundell — also wanted to interview Judge, precipitating an argument in which Rivera called Gaete a “f***ing c***.”
“She no longer works here,” ESPN told <a href="https://nypost.com/2023/04/26/espn-investigating-marly-rivera-for-calling-reporter-f-king-c-t/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The New York Post</a> regarding Rivera, whose verbiage was caught on video.
Rivera reportedly tried to apologize after the incident but Gaete refused to accept the apology.
“I fully accept responsibility for what I said, which I should not have,” Rivera, who has appeared on Sunday Night Baseball telecasts and serves as an ESPN Radio MLB playoff game analyst, told The Post.
“There were extenuating circumstances but that in no way is an excuse for my actions. I am a professional with a sterling reputation across baseball and I do believe that I am being singled out by a group of individuals with whom I have a long history of professional disagreements,” she added.
Previous incidents in which Rivera had confrontations with other members of the media were revealed after her firing.
Two people informed <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2023/04/27/marly-rivera-espn-baseball-fired/?utm_medium=social&amp;utm_campaign=wp_sports&amp;utm_source=twitter" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Washington Post</a> that Rivera had called a reporter competing with her to take photos of a Hispanic player a “white b****.” Rivera also reportedly called a fellow Latino reporter  a “fake Hispanic.”
In July 2022, Rivera spoke with ESPN’s ”Front Row,” which <a href="https://www.espnfrontrow.com/2022/07/voces-latinas-across-snb-marly-rivera-reflects-on-latino-representation-on-espns-mlb-game-of-the-week/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">asked</a>, “What does it mean to you to serve as an SNB analyst on ESPN Radio?”
“It is an honor to have been selected as a sub for my colleague Doug Glanville, Rivera answered. “And knowing the voices that have filled that seat, it is a responsibility that I do not take lightly.  As the first woman baseball writer to be an analyst on a national broadcast – and only the second Latina to do so after my colleague Jess Mendoza – I hope to inspire one person out there who does not believe whatever they hope to accomplish in their own lives is possible.”
Rivera’s bio has been <a href="https://espnpressroom.com/us/bios/marly-rivera/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">removed</a> from the ESPN press room website.

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Man Who Was Wrong About Everything Retires From NY Times

Harris Campaign Blocks Reporters From Speaking To Voters

Feinstein Doesn’t Recall Being Absent From The Senate. She Was Gone For 10 Weeks.

ESPN Reporter Fired After Calling Another Female Reporter The C-Word