I grew up in an age of assassinations. The President, John F. Kennedy, was gunned down in 1963, when I was nine years old. His brother, Robert Kennedy, was killed five years later, little more than a month after I saw him at a campaign event in my home town. That was the same month Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered. Malcolm X had been killed three years before.
Americans often speak proudly of our peaceful transitions of power, but that is because we are only thinking in terms of political power. Yes, compared to the violence that often accompanied the change of rulers in imperial Rome or medieval England, our transfers of leadership are relatively tranquil. Our system of free elections circumvents the need for violent revolution.
But in a democratic republic, political power is bestowed by the people, and the ideas of the people are shaped by the culture. When cultural power changes hands in the U.S., that’s when the shooting starts. The Civil War did not begin because Abraham Lincoln threatened to free the slaves. He didn’t. The war began because his election telegraphed to the slave states that the tide of the culture was shifting against them.
The 1960s marked the dawn of another such shift. A leftward swing was in the making, a rebellion against the post-war consensus. New voices were rising in the academies and in the arts, voices that challenged the efficacy of capitalism, the treatment of minorities, the roles of women, and traditional norms of language, behavior, and dress. It was as that shift was forming, that leaders who spoke even moderately of change began to seem threatening, that rhetoric became inflated and incendiary, and that dealing death began to seem a reasonable political action in the worst of minds. It didn’t work. If anything, it destroyed reasonable leaders like the Kennedys and MLK, and allowed them to be replaced by radicals and grifters.
Today is also such a time.
For at least the last thirty years, American culture has been all but monopolized by the Left. The news media are almost exclusively located in left-wing coastal enclaves. Journalists’ political donations go to Democrats by a huge margin. The news coverage of Donald Trump’s largely moderate policies is relentlessly negative, not to mention hysterical, childish, and absurd. In Hollywood, outspoken conservatives are vanishingly rare. Those less entrenched than, say, Clint Eastwood and Jon Voight keep their mouths shut and, when they don’t, it hobbles their careers. In the academies, conservative speakers are routinely greeted by demonstrations and violence. Liberal arts courses are no longer liberal: they are indoctrination centers where leftist critical theory drowns out the voices of classic writers and thinkers of the past.
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-1247-the-opposite-of-murder?elementPosition=0&amp;row=5&amp;rowHeadline=The+Andrew+Klavan+Show&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
Only such a cultural monopoly could have spread the radical ideas of the left and bullied businesses and citizens into pretending to believe their ridiculous untruths. People can’t change sex. Dysfunction in black communities is caused by black culture, not racism. Women have grown steadily unhappier under feminism. Homosexuality is not a source of pride. Facts are not hate speech, and what some may call hate speech is protected under the First Amendment. These are not bigoted, mean, radical opinions. To those who break through the fog of leftist narrative, there are obvious conclusions drawn from the evidence of our own eyes. The years in which the Left was able to declare these self-evident truths unspeakable were years of cultural tyranny.
But now, the leftist cultural monopoly is crumbling. New media — like the Daily Wire, Elon Musk’s X, and the Megyn Kelly and Joe Rogan podcasts — have risen to prominence in spite of widespread attempts by the government and social media outlets to censor us, demonize us, and starve us out. We have not yet developed the cultural power of radical left-wing institutions like the New York Times, Yale University, and Disney, but we are able to debunk the distortions of those institutions almost as fast as they can produce them.
On the night Donald Trump was re-elected, it was immediately evident that the tide had turned. The ceaseless news stories calling Trump an authoritarian, the banana republic lawfare with which the powerful tried to imprison him, the media-wide (and mordantly hilarious) attempts to depict first Joe Biden then Kamala Harris as viable presidential candidates — all these strategies and more were not enough to create a narrative the majority of voters would believe. Like the American Revolutionaries who inspired us, our ragtag band of culture warriors had beaten back an Empire of Lies.
Charlie Kirk was the next generation of that effort. He believed in God, in family, and in American liberty, things that most Americans have believed for nearly 250 years. He utilized techniques of open debate pioneered by forerunners like Ben Shapiro and Steven Crowder to invade the academic enclaves of the left and create free conversations that freed minds. Inscriptions on the bullets in the gun that killed him suggest the killer believed Charlie to be a fascist. The killer is responsible for his own actions, but that utterly false belief was impressed upon him through the power of a culture too long dominated by radicals.
That culture is over. That power is changing hands.
I sometimes joke to my wife that I am the Ernie Pyle of the Culture War. Not a speaker-slash-debater like Ben. Not an activist master of samizdat like Matt Walsh. Not a future politician like Michael Knowles. Just a writer in the trenches who tries to get an up-close view of the fight and report what’s happening.
This is what’s happening: We’re winning.
Watch your six.
* * *
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is now available for Pre-Order. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>

MixCollage-12-Sep-2025-03-22-PM-3225

In America, Violence Arises When Cultural Power Shifts

In America, Violence Arises When Cultural Power Shift

Andrew Klavan

Charlie Kirk

Conservatives

Culture

Democrats

Leftists

Murder

Political Violence

Recently, some of you may have noticed the Cracker Barrel restaurant and gift store chain changed its logo. They removed the picture of the so-called “Old Timer,” who was meant to represent the chain’s southern-style comfort food and old-fashioned country store feeling, and left that space blank to represent the pit of fiery eternal damnation loud with the shrieks of the condemned into which the chain had fallen by supporting child sex changes, drag shows for children, and racist hiring practices.
The move was supposed to help the struggling chain’s finances by ensuring that no conservative customer entered one of their venues ever again. Those alienated customers would be replaced by large numbers of imaginary progressives just waiting for an old-fashioned, down-home, southern-style restaurant catering to pedophilia-adjacent homosexuals with a hankering for crunchy fried chicken.
But Right-wing activists loudly protested the logo change, and when it turned out the new imaginary customers were paying for their imaginary meals with imaginary money, Cracker Barrel was forced to replace the Old Timer in the empty space, in the hopes they could keep their usual customers and avoid the eternal shriek-filled pit of sin-tortured souls the empty space represented.
Now, at this point, the flaming shriek-filled pit of sin-tortured souls known as the American news media, began to express their opinions, which were all the same opinion, because all the American news media’s opinions are decanted from a single brain, which is kept on a lightning-lashed altar in the fog-shrouded cave-dwelling of Chernabog, who was the demon from Bald Mountain in Disney’s Fantasia, before he left to take a job in Disney’s animation department.
The opinion of the news media was that conservatives were oh-so-very silly to make such a big fuss over a meaningless logo change at a failing chain restaurant, and how far, oh how very far, American culture had fallen from those golden days when real intellectuals like Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley exchanged sparkling ideas by screaming slurs and threatening to punch each other in the face, while the Left swarmed over our institutions like locusts, devouring everything from Christianity to the First Amendment. Just how stupid could these Fox-News-Watching Neanderthals be that they would waste their energies trying to cancel an innocent restaurant that was simply trying to take their customers’ money to fund actions their customers found contemptible?
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
And I thought to myself: Oh, American news media, how right you are! Who cares about these little meaningless changes in the culture? In fact, just for fun, I would like to suggest a few meaningless cultural changes of my own.
For instance, how about conservatives buy the rights to the gay situation comedy “Will and Grace” and reboot the show, but this time, Will embraces Catholicism, and hilarity ensues as gay Will struggles with his physical desires in order to live a life in keeping with his faith. I’m sure the elite news media wouldn’t mind a meaningless little culture change like that one tiny bit.
What about color-blind casting? The current rules are, it’s okay to have Jesus Christ portrayed by a black woman, but it’s very bad to have a deaf character portrayed by an actor who can hear. So how about, as a change of pace, we have Jesus Christ portrayed by a Jewish actor who’s deaf, and when the left says, “Hey, he’s supposed to be a black woman,” the actor can say, “What? I couldn’t hear you! I’m deaf!” I’m sure the media wouldn’t complain about that at all.
Or, I know. Let’s reboot the hit 1970’s slavery drama “Roots,” only in this version, instead of a white man heading into the African interior to capture slaves, the white slaver just waits in his ship like in real life until the black Africans bring their black slaves to him so he can take them to a country where hundreds of thousands of white men will ultimately die to free them, about fifty years before white imperialists force their African colonies to free their slaves as well. I’m sure the news media would love that fresh, original take on an old favorite. 
In fact, just for giggles, let’s change all the Left’s favorite franchises so that they represent something the Left truly despises: the American people.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is now available for Pre-Order. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Cracker Barrel Redesigns Its Logo

The Easy Way To Ensure No Conservative Will Ever Visit Your Store

Corporations

Cracker Barrel

Humor

Legacy Media

Restaurant

Satire

Woke Culture

The Democrat National Committee held its summer meeting in the smoldering ruins of Minneapolis’s George Floyd Plaza this week, where they rented a hall from the local chapter of the Crips, next to the homeless encampments erected amidst the charred timbers of what once were local businesses, so Democrat officials could try to uncover the mysterious reasons why support for their party is in a decline so sharp, it reminds Americans of the decline in their children’s well-being after Teachers Unions introduced cartoon homosexual pornography into their kindergartens in preparation for changing the children’s sex without telling their parents.
The unfathomable mystery of why the Democrats are losing so many voters was addressed during the last three minutes of an hour-long panel discussion, which was all the time that was left after fifty-seven minutes of land acknowledgements paying tribute to the indigenous tribes who once held ceremonial dinners on that spot whenever they could find someone to eat.
Among the ever-so-puzzling riddles the Democrats sought to answer were: Why are Donald Trump’s anti-crime measures so popular with people who don’t want to be killed?
DNC Chairman Ilhan Jihad Mohammed Pazuzu Mohammed Jihad Jihad, whose pronouns are “They,” “It,” “Snookums” and “Death-to-the-Jews,” addressed the gathered Democrats from a bullet-proof booth in the hall’s Conference Room Number MS-13, renamed the Kilmar Abrego Garcia ballroom for the occasion. Ms. or Possibly Mister Pazuzu Mohammed Jihad Jihad said, “Donald Trump can garner quick headlines by bringing down crime with cheap tricks like putting more law officers on the streets, but we have to find real solutions, like setting criminals free without bail. When you put, say, an accused murderer in prison just because he can’t afford bail, all you do is make him so angry, he would kill again, if he weren’t, you know, in prison. Also, we need more youth programs and anti-racist training because that sort of useless crap has been very successful for us in the past, or if it hasn’t, at least there’s no one left to tell the tale. And we have to address the root causes of crime like poverty and racism, and sure, while we’re diddling around with that nonsense, we may lose some voters in the occasional weekend massacre, but remember this: Not only will each murderer we set free become a Democrat voter, but so will his victims.”
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
The Democrats also addressed the brain-busting conundrum of why so many men are abandoning the Democrat party, clutching their testicles in self-defense until they can escape to a red state where they’ll be safe. To get the male perspective, Governor Tim Walz was brought in to speak openly as a straight man, instead of what we all know he actually is. Governor Walz said, “Everyone talks about the divisions in our party, but so what? There are divisions in my family, with my wife constantly complaining about how sick she is of dressing up like Timothy Chalamet just to get some attention. But the guy’s a great actor, right? Who the hell doesn’t want to sleep with Timothy Chalamet? And as my wife always says, ‘Diversity is our strength.’ Or maybe she says, ‘divorce is our strength.’ It’s hard to make out the words when she’s wearing the Timothy Chalamet mask.”
The party conference did become contentious when Democrats were divided between two different declarations on the war in Gaza, one calling for the immediate slaughter of Israeli Jews, and the other calling for their agonizing demise slowly over time. Ultimately, the two sides settled on a compromise calling for a two-state solution: the state of Israel, and the state dedicated to wiping Israel off the map if it’s the last thing they ever do.
In the words of DNC Co-Chairman Jasmine X. Stalin, “When Hitler killed the Jews, the Jews were good, but now that Jews are killing the people who killed the Jews, the Jews are Hitler and good is evil. And that’s what the Democrat party stands for: good, by which we mean evil.”
The Democrats say they will continue searching for the hidden reasons for their unpopularity until they can win elections again and get back to destroying the country.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is now available for Pre-Order. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Texas Democratic Lawmakers Flee State In Effort To Halt Redistricting Legislation

Democrats Wonder Why So Many Men Are Abandoning The Party

Minnesota

Voters

Ten years ago, The Daily Wire burst onto the scene. With the support of its loyal members, it has become a leader in the conservative movement — reshaping American culture and politics.
To mark the 10th anniversary — and to thank the members who keep us fighting — Friendly Fire launches September 10 on DailyWire+. Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, Michael Knowles, and Andrew Klavan are back together on screen, delivering sharp social and political commentary — and the kind of fiery, unmoderated debates only they can spark.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
Introducing “Friendly Fire” &#8211; the unfiltered show where Shapiro, Walsh, Knowles, Klavan &amp; more of your DW favorites debate politics, culture, and the general chaos of the day’s headlines🔥
Celebrate 10 years of The Daily Wire with the live premiere Sept. 10 on DailyWire+ <a href="https://t.co/PBY7tWrcIi">pic.twitter.com/PBY7tWrcIi</a>
— Daily Wire (@realDailyWire) <a href="https://twitter.com/realDailyWire/status/1960054017742020759?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2025</a></blockquote>
&nbsp;
A lot has changed since September 2015. Donald Trump was elected president (twice), a pandemic shook the nation, Democrats and Big Tech cracked down on the freedoms of conservatives, and gender ideology and DEI spread through schools, businesses, and government.
But common sense and conservative values kept fighting back. Shows from Shapiro, Walsh, Knowles, and Klavan helped conservatives stay engaged and politically potent. And millions of Americans who followed and subscribed to The Daily Wire helped us push back against the cultural decline accelerated by the Biden administration and its leftist allies.
<a href="https://get.dailywire.com/subscribe/plus/?utm_campaign=summer&amp;utm_content=editorialsummersale&amp;utm_medium=website&amp;utm_source=editorial" target="_blank" rel="noopener">End of Summer Sale – Get 40% off New DailyWire+ Annual Memberships</a>
The fight isn’t over. That’s why DailyWire+ is rolling out more content: films like <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/videos/journey-to-the-ufc-joe-pyfer?row=0&amp;elementPosition=2&amp;rowType=Square+Show+Carousel">Journey to the UFC</a>, Jordan Peterson’s <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-jordan-b-peterson-podcast">Answer the Call</a>, Michael Knowles’ docuseries <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-pope-and-the-fuhrer-the-secret-vatican-files-of-world-war-ii">The Pope and the Führer</a>, and <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-isabel-brown-show">The Isabel Brown Show</a>, premiering September 8.
It’s been a decade of disruption and growth. But the best of The Daily Wire is yet to come. <a href="https://get.dailywire.com/subscribe/plus/">Join us</a> for the next decade.

Friendly Fire

The Boys Are Back: Daily Wire Hosts Celebrate A Decade Of Success With Launch Of New Show

Ben Shapiro

Daily Wire

DailyWire+

Matt Walsh

Michael Knowles

The Left-wing cable news network MSNBC will soon be changing its name. It will also soon be wearing a false beard and a putty nose in an attempt to disguise the fact it’s still the same old crap geyser of socialist lunacy. The name change comes as MSNBC prepares to break away from NBC News, and become part of a group of more obscure networks that will include the Golf Channel, Oxygen, the Sicilian Mafia, and several Mexican Drug Cartels.
From then on, MSNBC will be known as MS-NOW with the letters standing for My Source News Opinion World, signaling that this will be the go-to network for people who can’t form complete sentences. 
To come up with the name change, MSNBC Executives consulted branding experts at the marketing agency of Blundering, Wakoff and Shmoe, who have launched such famous brands as New Coke and McPizza as well as running the ad campaign: “Blockbuster Video, The Unspooling Face of Tomorrow.”
Agency leader Prodigious Wakoff recently spoke of the MS-NOW name change to a gathering of former CEO’s at the San Diego Former CEO Home and Soup Kitchen. Wakoff told the gathering, “We wanted to come up with a new name that sounded like a cross between a 1980’s PC operating system and a fire alarm in a clinic treating progressive diseases. That way, we could communicate MS-NOW’s exciting mission of transforming outmoded ideas into a future of crippling decline. MS-NOW preserves the network’s core identity while allowing NBC News to quietly scuttle off into the darkness, pretending they never had anything to do with this horrific crap fest.” 
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-1244?elementPosition=0&amp;row=2&amp;rowHeadline=Latest+Episodes&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
Not everyone is happy with the changes coming to the leftist network. For instance, Joy Reid’s show has been canceled, leaving Reid to continue her unique brand of commentary at more welcoming venues like homeless encampments and padded cells. In a recent rant on an imaginary podcast that was really just her standing alone and screaming into the bathroom mirror, Ms. Reid said, “Canceling my show was an obvious attempt by the white establishment to silence strong black women who stand up fearlessly for psychopathic distortion in the service of complete ignorance. The fact is, the white man stole all his ideas from advanced black civilizations of the past like the nation of Wakanda, because the white man has never invented anything himself, except advanced black civilizations of the past like the nation of Wakanda, which, okay, was totally the figment of some white guy’s imagination. But other than that, everything was invented by the black people in Wakanda.”
But while MSNBC will be losing its status as the sister station of a major broadcast news network, it will otherwise not be sinking any lower because that would violate the laws of physics. So, for example, after the network changes its name, it will still feature Rachel Maddow, though she will also be changing her name and will now call herself Bret Baier in the hope someone will take her seriously.
Ms. Baier-nee-Maddow recently commented on the changes at MS-NBC on a media podcast called “Former News Networks and Whatever Happened to Them.” Ms. Baier-Maddow said, “MS-NBC is needed MS-NOW more than MS-EVER. Donald Trump represents a fundamental threat to Democracy not to mention a threat to South American gangsters, Islamic terrorists, teacher union pedophiles, dead voters and incarcerated minority males who are presumed innocent and should therefore be set free to kill again. And when I say not to mention all that, it’s because I plan not to mention any of it when I talk about the threat to Democracy Donald Trump represents in my imagination, a beautiful fairyland where John Brennan and Adam Schiff eternally walk hand in hand through a dreamlike field of wildflowers and lies. We commentators on the Left are running out of time, as well as evidence and ideas, and we need to make sure our voices are heard by our audience above the noise of their irrational gibbering and howling.”
Network Executives say the new MS-NOW name should be in place sometime between the end of this year and the moment shortly thereafter when the network disappears completely from our TV screens as well as our collective memories.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is now available for Pre-Order. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Philadelphia Prepares To Host Democratic National Convention

NBC Finalizes Divorce Proceedings As MSNBC Rebrands To MS NOW

MSNBC

The following is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
* * *
With the first female umpire now working in baseball, it’s time to take a look at how women have made historic strides in the world of professional sports by ruining everything.
You see, in the past, professional sports provided a safe method for wives to get their husbands out of the damned way by placing them in front of the television where they could watch something completely meaningless that wasn’t porn. That way, the wives could get their work done, and if they occasionally dropped in on the TV room with a sandwich and a beer, their husbands would happily devote the rest of their lives to their support and happiness. Later, over dinner, the husbands could describe every play of the game in agonizing detail, which would give the wives time to mentally organize their schedules for the week, since they didn’t have to listen to a word their husbands were saying because it was just about a guy on TV hitting a ball with a stick for some reason. At least their husbands hadn’t spent the day watching some naked girl pretend to enjoy getting strangled during sex, which would only give them bizarre ideas about how they should spend the rest of the weekend.
Now all that has changed. Women are invading every aspect of sports so that men can watch other men doing useless things for no reason while thinking about sexual strangulation at the same time. For instance, after ball games, attractive female sportscasters are now assigned to interview players so male viewers can listen vaguely to some athlete saying, “You’ve gotta take it one game at time,” while simultaneously wondering what the female sportscaster would look like if she were wearing some ridiculous leather contraption and a pair of handcuffs.
Having more women athletes on the field has also changed the nature of sports by ruining everything. Sports used to reflect masculine values like winning and also more winning. But now sports also have to reflect female values which run the gamut from incomprehensible to non-existent depending on the woman’s mood on any given day. For example, when gymnast Simone Biles quit the Tokyo Olympics because she had some girly problem called the twisties, most men felt this was tantamount to losing which, according to many sports analysts, is approximately the opposite of winning. But no. The men were swiftly informed that, in fact, Simone Biles had been very brave to quit like a girl over her girly twisties. And ever since then, Olympic women’s gymnastics has included Quitting as an event, along with Crying, Hugging the Winner as if You Were Happy for Her, and Giving Men a Look that Says they Better not say Something Insensitive or There’ll be Hell to Pay.
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
In women’s basketball, Caitlin Clark has completely transformed the game by causing people to realize there’s such a thing as women’s basketball. To thank her, black women players have been repeatedly beating the living crap out of Clark for being talented while white. This turns out to be a game that men will actually watch because it involves women wrestling with each other, so now men are showing up at women’s basketball games and hurling sex toys down at the court, which has also made the women’s game more popular by including sex toys. Even so, a woman’s basketball game remains the least popular American event that isn’t a colonoscopy, and when the players recently marched outside the stadium holding signs that said “Pay us what we’re worth,” they discovered they actually owed the league $15,000 apiece.
To prove that it’s not only women who ruin everything in sports, the NFL’s Minnesota Vikings have hired two male cheerleaders. So now, instead of an occasional amusing glimpse of pretty girls prancing around the sidelines in an intriguingly suggestive way, Vikings fans are being treated to two prancing homosexuals, something no sentient creature wants to see except other homosexuals who aren’t even watching sports because they’re homosexual.
And as for the first female umpire, so far her ball and strike calls have been about one and a half percent less accurate than the average male’s, which is being hailed as really great for a girl, and should transform the sport completely, by ruining everything.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is now available for Pre-Order. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
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Indiana Fever v Connecticut Sun

Caitlin Clark Penalized For Being Talented While White

Baseball

Simone Biles

Sports

Women

Women's Basketball

Young Americans and other ignoramuses seem to be moving to the political Left. A new poll shows that 62% of Americans aged 18 to 29 now hold a favorable view of socialism — and the percentage is even higher among 18- to 29-year-olds who wear rings in their noses because they couldn&#8217;t locate their ears.
In on-the-street interviews with young people or just people with enough tattoos to qualify as glitches in the evolutionary progress of humankind, the subjects interviewed gave various reasons for their leftward shift.
For instance, one young man named Sketchy Boardslide told a reporter, “I believe in socialism because if you ran a metal wire into my left ear, it would come out my right ear without touching anything in-between. As a result, I’m so shallow that my shallowness goes down very deep, a sentence that doesn’t even make any sense, which should give you some idea of just how incredibly stupid I am. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to guide my battery-powered skateboard to a voting booth in order to help elect someone who will destroy every vestige of what good men hold dear, whatever a vestige is. Bye, Felicia.”
A woman we interviewed who is either between 18 and 29 years old or just so ignorant it’s hard to tell the difference, told our reporter, “When I look at all the inequality and suffering in the world, I care so much it really makes me feel good about what a warm-hearted person I am. Believing in socialism is a way for me to express the precious tenderness of my heart without actually having to do anything for anybody, because that would take time away from making videos about opening boxes of cosmetics while pouting with surgically modified lips so big they look like a cross between a gravy boat and some unidentifiable kind of roadkill. If I vote socialist, everyone will admire my compassionate nature until the country collapses in a catastrophe of poverty and oppression and is overrun by barbarians so that I become part of some savage’s harem, which has been a big fantasy of mine ever since I read a novel in which all the men had bat wings and did rough sex with women who were beautiful, fragile fairies but really strong in some kind of magical way.”
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
Pollsters have found that the move toward socialism among young people and other dunderheads has opened up a gender gap between women, who make good money and are completely miserable, and men who scratch their armpits in public and are working on developing an organizational chart of the Marvel Comics Universe. Some psychologists say the divide may be caused by sex differences that have been socially constructed in every society that has ever existed and ever will until the end of time.
For instance, studies show that young women experience higher levels of anxiety and stronger feelings of vulnerability, while young men are far more likely to chase women down the street, shouting, “Hey, baby, give me some of that hot stuff, the way they do it in porn,” diverse sex traits that some scientists believe may be mysteriously connected.
One gender scientist, Dr. Bartholomew Creepy, says these sex differences, which are not at all innate but simply socially constructed everywhere always and forever, may give clues to why young women are increasingly socialist, while young men believe Spiderman is actually a real person but you never see him because we don’t live in his section of the multiverse. In a speech to a convention of middle-aged men who subscribe to Teen Vogue for some reason, Dr. Creepy said, “Young women have been shown to exhibit higher levels of agreeableness and tender-heartedness which are conducive to socialism when combined with their almost total inability to reason. I hope to deliver deeper insights into this phenomenon in my latest study of young women with its focus on their uncannily smooth and shapely legs.”
Older people, conservatives and anyone else with a lick of sense are hoping to avoid the consequences of the leftward trend among the young by praying for death to mercifully carry them away before the next election.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is now available for Pre-Order. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Portrait of confident male hipster standing against pink background

New Poll Finds People With Nose Rings Love Socialism

Gen Z

Social Issues

Socialism

Young people

The following article was originally posted on “<a href="https://thenewjerusalem.substack.com/?utm_source=substack&amp;utm_medium=email" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The New Jerusalem</a>” on Substack.
* * *
In October, 2015, Vanity Fair magazine ran a feature story about television’s late night comedy talk shows. It was headlined “Host-to-Host Sensation.” The accompanying fold-out photo of ten top talk show comics caused a sensation of its own. Much imaginary ink was as if spilled over the shocking fact that all the hosts were men. But, of course, there was nothing shocking about that. Women aren’t funny. Even the funny ones aren’t that funny. As many another foolishly honest man has pointed out, women don’t need to be funny, not at a professional level at least. Overlooked, unathletic, angry high school boys need to be funny. If they’re not funny, their genetic strain will likely die with them. That’s the kind of urgent motivation that’s required to create a grown man with the insane courage to make jokes onstage and risk being met with dead silence.
But there was something that really was shocking about the Vanity Fair picture, something very few people who were not me bothered to mention. Every single comedy talk show host depicted — all ten of them — had exactly the same political opinions. They were all Left-wingers, and they would all come to detest and despise Donald Trump.
Now, you might say that was to be expected. The Venn Diagram of overlooked, unathletic, angry little men and Left-wing men is basically a circle with a small crescent of Nazis bulging out of one side. But what was shocking — and really kind of despicable — was this: the corporations who platformed these angry little funny leftists apparently saw no reason, financial or otherwise, to hire anyone to entertain the half of the audience who held more conservative views. Their idea seemed to be that they could make all the profits they needed by amusing one half of the audience at the expense of the other. They must have thought that was good business. They must have thought it was morally acceptable. They must have thought: “Screw you, half of America. We hurl disdain in your general direction!”
Well, strange to say, this business model did not perform all that well over time.
Listen, I’m a Christian man. I try very hard not to take pleasure in the misfortunes of my philosophical opponents. But in this case, I just can’t help it. The smug entitlement of an elite monoculture that despised the common man and woman — the men and women who, in the words of George Bailey, “do most of the working and paying and living and dying” in this country — was just begging for a comeuppance. And that uppance has come.
Stephen Colbert’s The Late Show on CBS has been cancelled and will go off the air next May. The show was making 40 million fewer dollars a year than the 130 million dollars it cost to produce. And while Colbert’s paltry ratings were the highest among his Left-wing colleagues, he and they were regularly being beaten by Greg Gutfeld, the libertarian smart aleck on Fox News. That’s cable, where the shows reach around half of the network audience, and where production costs are considerably lower.
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
Now, Colbert was not born talentless. His Jon Stewart spin-off show, The Colbert Report, in which he satirized conservative commentators like Fox’s Bill O’Reilly, was often amusing. But once he landed the CBS late night spot in 2015, the laughter died. Maybe it was the big money. Maybe it was the Trump Derangement-fueled rage. Maybe it was being flattered by hand-picked audiences cheering wildly for unfunny rants. But something went sour inside Colbert. Lines like “The only thing Trump’s mouth is good for is being Putin’s cock holster,” might have seemed hilarious to the kind of ten-year-olds who laugh through their noses. But to adults — especially adults weary of having self-satisfied show biz millionaires insult them with a wholly undeserved tone of moral superiority — they seemed a tad juvenile.
But Colbert’s abilities are beside the point. Stephen Colbert was bad for America. Not on his own, maybe. On his own, he was just another Hollywood putz who mistakenly thought he had something important to say. But as a brick in a solid wall of Left-wing entertainment, he did more damage than any laughter could rectify.
Networks broadcast on airwaves that are a public trust. Their stations are licensed by a federal agency, the FCC. If the monologues on network late night comedy shows can be said to have any kind of higher purpose, surely it has something to do with bringing us together, helping us laugh in the evening at the politics and passions that drive us apart during the day. If you ridicule Barack Obama, then I’ll be willing to see what’s ridiculous about Donald Trump. If you make jokes about Ted Cruz, then maybe leftists will be able to find something funny about AOC. Fair both-sides comedy has the power to soften our angry certainties with self-awareness and humility.
But if instead, you declare late night a one political party zone, what comity can your comedy produce? If you think a crafty Chicago machine pol like Obama is so perfect that there is “not a flaw or hook that you can caricature,” (as one Saturday Night Live writer put it), why should I be amused when you hammer Trump for his many peccadillos night after night after night?
During the monologue in which Colbert announced his cancellation, he turned to the camera and told President Trump, “Go f&#8212; yourself.” But hadn’t he been saying exactly that for these many years to all the tens of millions of Americans who voted for Trump, who thought him, in their good will and wisdom, a better choice than the candidates Colbert supports?
What exactly did Colbert think he knew that allowed him to dismiss so many of his countrymen? Insult each night so many of his countrymen? Disparage and belittle so many of his countrymen by continually mocking their candidates while at the same time using his mouth as a cock holster for any lying, corrupt, incompetent, third rate Democrat lucky enough to come on his show?
What angel visited Stephen in the quiet of his cultural sequestration and told him it would be all right for him — and for every single one of his corporate comedy colleagues — to consider those tens of millions of Americans as nothing more than the butts of their jokes? If they had intended to convince those voters to change sides, wouldn’t it have been wiser to spread the jokes around even just a little? But that wasn’t their intention. They despised those voters. They hectored them out of the audience. They sent them a clear message: You are not worthy of being amused.
And, of course, it’s not just the comedians. It’s every morally flatulent entertainer who ever accepted his or her Oscar or Emmy or Grammy with a speech denouncing the politicians half the electorate prefers. As the writer tells the actress in the classic show biz film All About Eve: “I shall never understand the weird process by which a body with a voice suddenly fancies itself as a mind.”
For more than twenty years, I’ve been making speeches to conservatives, telling them they should pay more attention to the arts. To movies, to novels, to music and so on. I quote James Joyce to them: artists “forge the uncreated conscience” of a people. I quote Percy Shelley: “Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.” I tell them that complaining about movies and music and publishing will get them nowhere. The arts can only be redeemed by those who love them.
But maybe I was talking to the wrong people. Maybe I should have gone to the artists themselves. The arts aren’t leftist by nature, but they are liberal by nature. They find worth and dignity even in the Other. In the West, they always have. The Greeks mourned for the Trojan women. The Crusaders sang the nobility of their Muslim foes. Shakespeare reinvented the stock Evil Jew of the medieval Easter Play by granting him his full humanity.
Is there nothing of that spirit left in Hollywood? Or in publishing? Where conservative actors and writers have to talk in whispers? Where even to be a white male is to risk being barred from your vocation? No. They will not even award the Pulitzer to an iconic photograph depicting Trump’s courage under fire. They will not even put our glamorous First Lady on the covers of their fashion magazines. Ideology has made our cultural gatekeepers petty and small and mean.
Well, forgive me if that meanness has made me mean as well. The backlash is coming and has come, and I am glad to see it. With all my striving toward good will, the best I can muster for Stephen Colbert is to repeat to him the immortal words of a man more relevant, more daringly counter-cultural and, yes, a whole lot funnier than he is: “You’re fired.”
* * *
The following article was originally posted on “<a href="https://thenewjerusalem.substack.com/?utm_source=substack&amp;utm_medium=email" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The New Jerusalem</a>” on Substack.
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1">After That, The Dark,</a> is now available for Pre-Order. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>
The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert Was Bad For America

comedian

Comedy

Stephen Colbert

Economists have long predicted that Trump’s tariff and trade policies would cause an economic disaster. But in reality, it now seems Trump’s plans could lead to spectacular success. So economists are trying to learn from this experience and find out: What is this thing called reality, and why does it keep getting everything so terribly wrong?
To find the answers, the Daily Wire used the latest technology to actually shrink our crack team of investigative reporters until they were so small they could fit inside the worldview of an academic. We then injected them, one by one, into the minds of America’s top economists — except for reporter Spencer Lindquist, who seems to have dripped out somewhere, so watch your step as you’re walking around and if you hear a crunching noise, call a very small ambulance.
Our first interview was with Princeton economist Dr. Herkimer Fudd, who was awarded the 2017 Nobel Prize in Economics for the most creative use of the word “unexpectedly” in explaining why all his financial predictions turned out to be wrong. Dr. Fudd told one of our tiny reporters, “Economics is a science, and as with any science, we first formulate a theory, then test the theory against the facts, and if the facts disprove the theory, then we simply declare that anyone who disagrees with the theory is threatening to cause another Great Depression. In fact, in a little while it’ll be the centennial of the Great Depression, and Economics Departments across the nation will be celebrating a hundred years of not having to change our minds about anything.”
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-2241-a-fantastic-four-america?contentProgram=The%20Andrew%20Klavan%20Show&amp;contentType=ShowEpisode&amp;elementPosition=2&amp;location=Home%20Tab&amp;row=0&amp;rowType=Home%20Featured%20Carousel">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
Another economist interviewed by our microscopic reporters was Harvard Professor Theodolphus Querulous who won the Pulitzer Prize for a series of videos for the Wall Street Journal in which he simply shrieked the word “Tariffs” over and over in a high-pitched voice and then dissolved into a puddle of tears. Dr. Querulous explained, “Tariffs are an absolute disaster. Yes, they incentivize American manufacturing and open up new markets for American products, thus freeing us from the Chinese-dominated supply chain that was threatening to leave us defenseless against a rapidly growing Communist war machine, but they’re going to make it impossible for me to afford a new Mercedes and if I have to drive around Cambridge in some crappy Chevy like a shmuck, it will threaten to cause another Great Depression and I can’t afford the Zoloft either.”
We also spoke with Yale Economics Professor Dr. Claperton Drivel, who was recently awarded the Nemmers Prize in Economics for proving that a penny saved is not actually a penny earned but really just a worthless anachronistic coin that will probably sit forgotten in a jar with a lot of other pennies until your children have to figure out what to do with them after you die. Dr. Drivel told our micro-reporter, “Donald Trump is playing fast and loose with the international trading system, whereas we were playing a game called I’m an American Idiot So Please Punch Me Repeatedly in the Face Until a Few European Oligarchs Escape to Switzerland with their Fortunes and Everyone Else has to Learn to Speak Mandarin. Trump’s reckless approach could cause the entire world financial system to come crashing suddenly down around our ears, instead of slowly, slowly draining the nation of its life’s blood, which would at least give me time to cash out my portfolio and retire to Thailand where you can marry a 15-year-old and live like a king for $60,000 a year.”
To demonstrate that Trump’s real world successes could have disastrous theoretical ramifications, an international team of economists has come together to build a model demonstrating how a stack of billions of dollars in Tariff revenues could tip over, knocking a swinging boot into a bucket that would then release a marble down a zig-zagging staircase until it strikes a pole with a ball on top that will drop through a bathtub onto a seesaw, flipping a diver into a barrel that dislodges a cage balanced on another pole so that the cage shimmies down on top of a plastic mouse.
This doesn’t really prove anything, but at least it’ll keep the economists entertained while Trump saves the country.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1613165536?ref_=dbs_m_mng_rwt_calw_thcv_3&amp;storeType=ebooks" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A Woman Underground.</a>” His most recent nonfiction release is “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Kingdom-Cain-Finding-Literature-Darkness/dp/0310368340/?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_w=nMYjR&amp;content-id=amzn1.sym.bc3ba8d1-5076-4ab7-9ba8-a5c6211e002d&amp;pf_rd_p=bc3ba8d1-5076-4ab7-9ba8-a5c6211e002d&amp;pf_rd_r=133-8344803-2786917&amp;pd_rd_wg=7a8J3&amp;pd_rd_r=5791ea0f-6d96-4732-9d6a-3a4e6b348bb5&amp;ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Kingdom of Cain: Finding God in the Literature of Darkness.</a>” (May 2025, Zondervan/HarperCollins). Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

TOPSHOT-US-POLITICS-CONGRESS-BUDGET

Economists Say Trump’s Real World Success Could Have Disastrous Theoretical Ramifications

Economists Say Trump's Real World Success Could Have Disastrous Theoretical Ramifications

Economy

President Trump

As you know, I’m a simple man — not as simple as you obviously, but still, there are times when the issues of the day grow too complex for me to comprehend. And, in those moments when I feel lost and confused, then, just like you, I look for answers in the wisdom and moral insight of men like Hunter Biden.
For example, take the recent controversies over illegal immigration. In my charming, dimple-cheeked innocence, I always thought, hey, no one is above the law, illegal immigrants have broken the law, ICE is authorized to enforce the law, so what’s the problem? But then, I consult the wisdom of Hunter Biden, who recently said, (and this is a real quote) “People are really upset about illegal immigration? Eff you&#8230; How do you think you have food on your effing table? Who do you think washes your dishes? Who do you think does your effing garden?”
And, of course, when I realized it was illegal immigrants who put food on our tables and wash our dishes and tend our gardens, I immediately had my wife deported.
But Hunter Biden is not our only source of political wisdom in this crazy world. We can also turn to Hollywood actors. Because surely, if Hunter Biden’s life is an example of probity to us all, then Hollywood actors have many important ideas. Jeff Daniels, for instance, is an actor so talented, he can make even the most implausible characters seem vividly real, like when he played James Comey as an honest man. 
A shallow observer like myself, or even a shallower observer like yourself, might look at the second Trump administration and see massive tax cuts, secure borders so my wife can’t sneak back into the country, billions in tariff revenues, low inflation, no nuclear weapons for Islamists who believe the end of days will come just as soon as they get nuclear weapons, and you might think, wow, I’m sure glad I voted for Trump.
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
But not Jeff Daniels. Jeff says — and once again I’m not making this up. In fact, I couldn’t make this up — he says, “I still think about Kamala, and how I think she would have been a good choice. Because she would have done what Lincoln did.” And how can anyone disagree when you remember Lincoln at Gettysburg, when he said, “At what point do we uplift and highlight the consumer’s right to expect that the innovation would also be weighted in terms of solving their everyday problems, which are beyond my craving for Doritos.” Which Lincoln followed with that unbearable high-pitched cackling laughter of his. Or that might have been Kamala. I get them confused because Jeff Daniels can’t tell the difference.
And finally, after you’ve consulted Hunter Biden, and after you’ve studied the political thought of Hollywood actors, you can always turn to the searing insights of corporate comedians like John Stewart, who responded to the cancellation of fellow corporate comedian Stephen Colbert by saying, and once again, these are Stewart’s exact words, “Go eff yourself. Go eff yourself. Eff eff eff yourself. Go eff yourself.” 
Now friends, that kind of witty commentary on the news of the day, demonstrates the wisdom of having every single comedian hosting a corporation’s television show hold the exact same political opinion as every other comedian hosting a corporation’s television show, because if comedians with left wing opinions are not entitled to monopolize every single corporate comedy job in show business, that would mean that corporations should hire comedians with a range of opinions wide enough to entertain an audience large enough that their corporate employers won’t have to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on network shows that get their asses kicked in the ratings by Greg Gutfeld on cable.
So in conclusion, if you ever find yourself lost on the winding road of life, remember, you only have to turn to an entitled, overpaid midwit spouting the received opinions of the Democrat party as if that were an act of daring or intelligence, and then you will truly know where our elites want the rest of us to go and what they want us to do to ourselves when we get there.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1613165536?ref_=dbs_m_mng_rwt_calw_thcv_3&amp;storeType=ebooks" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A Woman Underground.</a>” His most recent nonfiction release is “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Kingdom-Cain-Finding-Literature-Darkness/dp/0310368340/?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_w=nMYjR&amp;content-id=amzn1.sym.bc3ba8d1-5076-4ab7-9ba8-a5c6211e002d&amp;pf_rd_p=bc3ba8d1-5076-4ab7-9ba8-a5c6211e002d&amp;pf_rd_r=133-8344803-2786917&amp;pd_rd_wg=7a8J3&amp;pd_rd_r=5791ea0f-6d96-4732-9d6a-3a4e6b348bb5&amp;ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Kingdom of Cain: Finding God in the Literature of Darkness.</a>” (May 2025, Zondervan/HarperCollins). Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Hunter Biden On Capitol Hill To Challenge House Republicans

When I Need Wisdom, I Consult With Hunter Biden

Hunter Biden

Jon Stewart

Knowledgeable sources say the Trump administration is being torn to pieces by its mishandling of the Epstein scandal. Although in its first six months, the administration has scored a string of successes so long you couldn’t read it in the time it took to achieve it, knowledgeable sources on both the Left and the Right are saying that the poor handling of the Epstein story should erase all those successes so that commentators can continue to scream in outraged tones with the veins in their necks bulging out while their audience clenches their fists and shouts, “Yeah!” in gravelly voices even though they’re listening to complete crap.
Although Trump has tried to argue that all is well in an administration that has closed the border, helped neutralize Iran, and operated the government at a surplus for the first time in over twenty years, knowledgeable sources report that, in fact, everything is coming apart at the seams, if indeed everything has seams, which remains just one more open question in the Epstein case.
One knowledgeable source, for instance, says that FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino recently clashed with Attorney General Pam Bondi, vowing that he would unleash a vengeance more horrible than her wildest imagination if Bondi did not release more information about Epstein or at least stop wearing those pants suits that keep reminding him of Hillary Clinton which is just making him crazy in the head. The knowledgeable source says Bongino then put Bondi in a choke hold and the two rolled around on the floor in a cloud of dust with various articles of jewelry and clothing flying out of it, until a stalemate was declared and they moved on to the next agenda item, which was a potato sack race.
Another knowledgeable source reports that FBI Director Kash Patel’s girlfriend obviously must have enlisted him in the Israeli intelligence agency Mossad, because how else can anyone explain why a woman that beautiful would go out with a guy who looks like Kash Patel, especially when the knowledgeable source was sitting right there in plain sight and would have gladly worked for Mossad or anyone else if Kash Patel’s girlfriend or just some woman who looked like Kash Patel’s girlfriend had simply leaned in close to the knowledgeable source and murmured in a sultry voice, “Come and work for Mossad?”
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
Still another knowledgeable source reports that a voice coming from somewhere within the administration has spoken to him through the fillings in his teeth and revealed that the end of days has come — or possibly a friend of Dave’s has come, it was hard for the knowledgeable source to hear because the reception in his fillings has been very spotty lately despite the fact that he’s been wearing rabbit-ear antennae on top of his tinfoil hat. In any case, if it turns out that it’s not the end of days that has come but a friend of Dave’s, then no action is currently required, except maybe putting out some snacks and a pot of Chamomile tea, which Dave’s friend particularly enjoys.
Another knowledgeable source has revealed exclusively to Tucker Carlson that the Epstein cover-up is all the fault of the Jews, although Tucker’s knowledgeable source loaned HIS rabbit-ear antennae to the end-of-days knowledgeable source so the cover-up may have actually been all the fault of the Juice, since no one’s seen O.J. around recently and who knows what he&#8217;s been getting up to. In any case, Tucker gave an impassioned speech to TPUSA, saying, “Why should it be forbidden to blame it all on Israel? Somehow, Israel is the only country on earth you’re not allowed to blame for anything. That’s why you have all these Israelis walking around happy-go-lucky without a care in the world — it&#8217;s because no one ever blames them for anything. Well, I’m not afraid of being called antisemitic. After all, that’s where the big money is.” 
Trump supporters are hoping the president will see to it that more information is released soon, because knowledgeable sources are going to continue to spread the inside story about the Epstein scandal until someone finally tells us the freaking truth.

Donald Trump, Karoline Leavitt

‘Knowledgeable Sources’ Say Only Epstein Matters, And Everyone Should Ignore Trump’s Numerous Wins

Donald Trump

Jeffrey Epstein

Trump Administration

Some political observers are saying that New York Democrat mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani is a sleazy, two-faced, peddler of political snake-oil whose Communist agenda would only demonstrate yet one more wearisome time the capability of Marxism to reduce a city striving toward prosperity and peace to a rubble-strewn ruin of homelessness, crime and poverty in order to create an urban hellscape that would express through the human misery of others, a leftist like Mamdani’s virulent hatred of God, America, the Jews, humanity and himself even while he continues to disguise that hatred behind a smile of chilling insincerity and the sort of vague, Obama-like bromides of deceptive political oration that anyone but an idiot or a Democrat would recognize instantaneously as the mesmeric lies of a man whose heart has been poisoned by a diabolical socialist ideology that transforms every natural human instinct toward goodness into a bubbling black tar of destructive evil.
Other political observers are saying other things. Like, “What’s on TV tonight?” or “I wonder if it’s too late to get a reservation for dinner.” Because watching Mamdani’s rise to front-runner in the New York mayoral race is so disturbing, they’d rather think about practically anything else.
Left-leaning New York politicians are uncertain whether or not they should endorse Mamdani and have been nervously tracking the opinions of a mob of naked, blood-drenched maniacs who at first seemed to be the extras who played the rage zombies in “28 Years Later” but instead turned out to be the Democrat base. As New York Senator and career corruptocrat Chuck Schumer said, “I am one hundred percent in favor of Zohran Mamdani if that shrieking mob of naked blood-drenched zombies supports him, but if they would prefer to rampage down Fifth Avenue killing and devouring anyone who gets in their way, then I’m in favor of that instead. In other words, a lifetime of ideological pandering has left me a hollow doppelganger of the man God created me to be and I’ll basically do anything for just one more term in power before delivering the husk of what was once a human being into the hands of the Satanic overlord who owns the flaming ashes of my former soul.”
<h3><a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show">WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show</a></h3>
On the other hand, shapely-but-evil New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has endorsed Mamdani enthusiastically, telling her supporters, “Men have sleep-walked into self-destruction while gazing at a hot rack like mine through all of human history, I don’t see why this mayoral election should be any different.”
Some journalists have temporarily roused themselves from the sleep of reason that produces monsters to report on some of Mamdani’s little peccadillos, like the fact that he’s a Jew-hating, Islamist-appeasing, anti-American dirtbag who once gave the finger to a statue of Christopher Columbus, and wants to defund the police, seize the means of production, transform the state of Israel into a rerun of the holocaust and reduce New York to a socialist slave-city on the order of 1970s Detroit.
But Mamdani answered those accusations in a charming speech to a vast collection of matrix-like pods that contained residents of Park Slope Brooklyn, who were happily living in a dream that the world was like it is in the New York Times while their brains were being drained of electricity in order to power the Democrat machine. Mamdani said, “Sure, I’ve got some ideas that would make New York City look like it had been trampled by a Stalinist Godzilla, but, you know, Ronald Reagan used to say that a person who agrees with you 80 percent of the time is a friend and an ally, and in the same way, a person who agrees with me 80 percent of the time will soon be lying in the gutter in a pool of his own vomit wishing he’d paid closer attention to that other 20 percent.”
The Park Slope residents greeted this speech with thunderous applause and then went back to dodging bullets in slow motion because they were dreaming they were in a New York Times editorial that said yes, Mamdani’s crime-infested New York would be riddled with gunfire, but don’t worry, just take this blue pill, and you’ll be able to dodge the bullets in slow motion.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1613165536?ref_=dbs_m_mng_rwt_calw_thcv_3&amp;storeType=ebooks" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A Woman Underground.</a>” His most recent nonfiction release is “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Kingdom-Cain-Finding-Literature-Darkness/dp/0310368340/?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_w=nMYjR&amp;content-id=amzn1.sym.bc3ba8d1-5076-4ab7-9ba8-a5c6211e002d&amp;pf_rd_p=bc3ba8d1-5076-4ab7-9ba8-a5c6211e002d&amp;pf_rd_r=133-8344803-2786917&amp;pd_rd_wg=7a8J3&amp;pd_rd_r=5791ea0f-6d96-4732-9d6a-3a4e6b348bb5&amp;ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Kingdom of Cain: Finding God in the Literature of Darkness.</a>” (May 2025, Zondervan/HarperCollins). Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

US-POLITICS-NEW YORK-MAMDANI

Intifada! Communism! Cannibal Rage Mobs! It’s Just Another NYC Election Season

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