You know, I’m old enough to remember a kinder, gentler America, with safe suburban streets of well-kept houses where a kid could go out on his bike after school and not return until sunset around six years later after which he would just sit silently in a corner of the house staring into the middle distance and occasionally pulling the legs off a spider or a mouse or maybe his kid sister while dreaming of the day he’d be free to hunt and kill at will… or maybe that was just me.
But in any case, today’s America is so hostile and so divided, that I just wish we could find a way to build bridges of communication and even friendship between conservatives and the flaming dirtbags trying to destroy everything that good people hold dear.
It’s not that all progressives are sinister Communist authoritarian perverts looking to bring the nation to its knees by allying themselves with Islamist terrorists and illegal immigrant gangsters in order to reduce our civilization to ashes then seize power in the ensuing chaos so they can enchain us in yet another of their drab utopias where everyone is equally miserable except for the small cadre of bitter lowlifes who derive some small pleasure from imposing their own unhappiness on everyone else — well, okay it is that, but it’s also the smug look on the faces of these schmucks that just makes you want to squeeze their noses between the knuckles of your first two fingers and twist them like Moe used to do to Curly on “The Three Stooges,” except not playing around this time.
But as Christians, we have to remember that Jesus told us to love our enemies and, sure, a lot of good that did him, but still, it’s up to us to try to understand those of our fellow citizens whose deeply-held principles lead them to oppose anything that even smells remotely like common decency.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-1272-the-andrew-klavan-show?elementPosition=0&amp;row=0&amp;rowHeadline=Recent+Episodes&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
For instance, take Ilhan Omar. Here’s a woman who escaped the violence of civil war in the primitive hellhole called Somalia, an African word that means “please get me out of this primitive hellhole.” By the grace of a loving God who clearly just wasn’t paying attention that day, Omar’s family was granted asylum here in the United States, where she then rose to become a congresswoman in the corruption-riddled filth-pit of Minnesota, an Indian word that means, “Please get me out of this corruption-riddled filth-pit.”
Surely, such a woman must feel deep gratitude to a country so welcoming and generous and self-destructive.
And yet the other day, Congresswoman Omar said she was “incredibly proud” of her daughter Isra for traveling with other assorted snot-faced idiots to the Communist cesspool called Cuba, a Spanish word meaning, “Please get me out of this Communist cesspool.” The luxurious Cuban junket was intended, Omar said, to show solidarity with Cuba against the United States because the U.S. is cruelly attempting to free the Cubans from Communist cess-poolery. Omar went on to call her daughter a “brilliant young leader,” presumably referring to Isra’s arrest for demonstrating at Columbia University in support of the Iranian-funded rapist-murderers called Hamas, and also to the t-shirt Isra wore to Cuba celebrating the George Floyd-inspired burning of Minneapolis, an Indian word that means, “Please get me out of Minneapolis.”
So, in an attempt to build bridges of friendship with the congresswoman, I wrote her a polite email, saying, “Dear Communist terrorist witch-demon, shouldn’t you show more gratitude to the country that rescued you from a hellhole and elected you to Congress in a filth-pit?”
To give credit where credit is due, Congresswoman Omar did reply promptly, writing, “Your Islamophobia is not who we are as Americans. Who we are as Americans are people who allow a Somalian grifter to play us for suckers while she’s simultaneously plotting to crush us under the iron heel of Islamist Communism. That’s who we are as Americans, if by ‘we’ I mean you.”
So there it is, my friends, we really can learn to communicate with those on the other side of the political aisle. Just remember to wear a steel-tipped boot and aim for the ass.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

President Trump Delivers The State Of The Union Address

Yes, We Can Learn To Communicate Across The Political Aisle. Here’s How.

Andrew Klavan

Cuba

Democrats

Humor

Ilhan Omar

Republicans

Satire

According to the New York Times, a former newspaper, American forces are in deep trouble in Iran as the wily Iranians continue to attack our bombs with their leaders. According to the Times Middle East Bureau Chief, Omar Jihad Mohammed Jihad Jihad Mohammed, wave after wave of American bomb and missile attacks have been repelled by an Iron Dome of Iranian leaders, so that the weapons explode harmlessly against their bodies, destroying nothing but the Iranian Army, Air Force, Navy, missiles, drones, radar and, of course, the Iranian leaders, who are more than willing to sacrifice their lives to protect those Iranian people they haven’t yet murdered themselves.
In an exclusive interview at an undisclosed location, the New York Times’s Middle East reporter Omar Jihad Mohammed Fatwa Mohammed interviewed Iran’s Chief of Police Fatwa Mohammed Jihad Omar Mamdani, who said, “We have the Americans exactly where we want them since…” and while he was unable to finish his sentence because he was assassinated by Israeli Defense Forces, he was immediately replaced by his younger subordinate Allahu Akbar Mohammed Tucker Jihad Jihad Mohammed, who said, “As my predecessor was about to explain…” but he was unable to finish his sentence because he was assassinated by Israeli Defense Forces.
According to either Iranian officials or CNN reporters — it’s difficult to tell the difference — Iran continues to stymie American attacks so that the only thing keeping the American war effort alive is the fact that the French have refused to join the fight, so there’s no one who’ll surrender for us.
And now, the Iranians have achieved a “stunning moral victory,” according to CNN Chief Middle East Correspondent Vladimir Mohammed Jihad Death-to-America Carlson Mohammed Fatwa. In a move reflecting the enduring strength of the Iranian regime, the nation has replaced the fifteen levels of leadership who were wiped out by American and Israeli attacks by appointing as their new Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei, a one-legged homosexual who’s in a coma.
President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Mohammed Jinping Fatwa Bernie Sanders Jihad celebrated the appointment of Khamenei, saying, “This is a tremendous leap forward for Iranian Diversity Equity and Inclusion. By selecting an unconscious handicapped gay man to ruthlessly oppress their people, Iran has installed an Ayatollah who looks exactly like the sort of person for whom Hollywood has been making movies. We hope this will encourage more people to become one-legged comatose homosexuals so we can begin to fill up our theaters. Otherwise, there’ll be no one there to see it when Nicole Kidman finally manages to move her face again.”
American branches of the organization Queers for Palestine also celebrated the appointment of the gay Ayatollah, with queer house parties across the nation at which they honored Islamic tradition by climbing up to the rooftops and hurling themselves to their deaths. As Queer for Palestine leader Anatole Preposterous announced to his fellow queers, “Iran has struck a blow against the homophobic splat,” although I’m not sure if that was the last word in the sentence or just the sound he made when he hit the pavement.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/hosts/andrew-klavan?elementPosition=6&amp;row=2&amp;rowHeadline=Hosts&amp;rowType=Hosts+Portrait+Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
The organization Feminists for Palestine was also pleased by the Ayatollah’s appointment. FFP President Sally Ann Preposterous (no relation), said, “Although we’re disappointed Iran has not yet elevated a woman to leadership, as feminists, we feel that a homosexual in a coma will at least represent people who hate women without thinking, which is what feminism is all about.”
As for the new Ayatollah, though he has not yet been able to issue a statement of his own, the regime has released some of the old messages he posted on the website Sleeping-Gay-Amputees-dot-Com, which include such remarks as, “Must have good sense of humor,” and “If you like my picture, swipe right.”
Meanwhile, according to PBS Middle East Reporter Mohammed Mamdani Jihad Tucker Tucker Fatwa Jihad, Global financial markets continue to reel at the plucky Iranian attacks on the Strait of Hormuz. PBS interviewed surviving Iranian Naval Commander Mohammed Jihad Fuentes Fatwa Carlson, who said, “We will continue to attack shipping here until…,” but he was unable to finish his sentence because he was assassinated by Israeli Defense Forces.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

TOPSHOT-IRAN-DEFENCE

Iranian Leaders: We Have The Americans Exactly Where We Want Them

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei

Bernie Sanders

Iran

Israel Defense Forces (IDF)

Middle East

Tucker Carlson

Welcome to this week’s episode of “What is John Thune Doin’?” This is the show where we try to answer the questions, “Who is John Thune?” and “What is he doin’?”
To answer the first question first: John Thune, a Republican Senator, is the Senate Majority Leader. Now, those of you who aren’t familiar with how our government works may want to know: What does the American Senate do exactly? And the answer is: the American Senate does exactly nothing.
And you may say: “Well, if John Thune is the Senate Majority Leader and the Senate does nothing, then what is John Thune … doin’?”
Good question. That’s why we’re here.
To get to the bottom of this, our reporters met with John Thune for an hour-long interview. Unfortunately, shortly after the interview ended, they realized they hadn’t actually been talking to John Thune, but had instead interviewed the statue of Senator John Clayton in the Capitol Rotunda. In their defense, the statue just stands around all day, so it was an easy mistake to make.
Undeterred, our reporters proceeded to go to John Thune’s office, but accidentally ended up in a dark broom closet. There, they began to interview a mop, until they realized that couldn’t be John Thune, because a mop is actually good for something. Like, if your kid spills his juice on the floor, you can clean it up with a mop. Which is actually pretty useful. So definitely not John Thune.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-1270-when-will-it-ever-end?elementPosition=0&amp;row=0&amp;rowHeadline=Recent+Episodes&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
But here at the Daily Wire, we don’t stop searching just because we can’t find the answers. In fact, we don’t even stop talking when we can’t find the answers. In spite of all our setbacks, we were determined to learn: What is John Thune doin’?
To help us in our search, we developed this handy Q and A.
Q: What is John Thune doin’? 
A: Well, that’s what we’re trying to find out.
Q: But hasn’t President Trump asked John Thune to pass the SAVE America Act, which requires voters to have a picture ID?
A: Yes, he has. 
Q: And doesn’t the SAVE America Act have the support of, like, a million percent of Americans?
A: Give or take a few percentage points, yes, it does.
Q: So… What is John Thune doin’?
A: You keep asking me that. Look, to be fair, there are some controversial parts of the SAVE Act. For instance, it bans transgender surgery on minors. This is a very divisive issue because, while 100% of Americans understand that sexually mutilating children is a Nazi-level atrocity, as many as 37% believe that pretending it’s okay makes them seem nice. Likewise, while 71% of Democrat voters support requiring voter ID, 98% of Democrat politicians oppose it, because, as Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer has said, “The Democrat party is a criminal organization in which all the criminals are obviously crazy, so if we can’t cheat at the polls, we’ll never win another election.”
Q: Wait. Chuck Schumer actually said that?
A: Maybe that was a dream I had. I’m not sure.
Q: So if the SAVE Act is so popular, why can’t John Thune get it passed?
A: Because under the filibuster rule, he needs 60 votes, and the Democrats won’t budge because of what Chuck Schumer said in my dream.
Q: So why doesn’t John Thune get rid of the filibuster?
A: Ah, because without the filibuster, when the Democrats win back power, they’ll pack the Supreme Court and steal elections by making Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico into states.
Q: What will the Democrats do if they win back power with the filibuster in place?
A: Then they’ll get rid of the filibuster, pack the Supreme Court, and steal elections by making Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico into states.
Q: So… what is John Thune even doin’?
A: All right, this Q and A isn’t getting us anywhere. To get at the essential nature of John Thune, we’re just going to have to interview another statue. Really, any random piece of marble will do. Or just a rock lying around somewhere. Even an empty space. Personally, I’d be happy to interview an empty space, if only I could find John Thune.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

John Thune 3/03/26

Does Anyone Know What John Thune Actually Does?

John Thune

SAVE America Act

U.S. Capitol

U.S. Senate

Well, by now you’ve all heard the news. Shortly after the recent American bombing of Iran began, Secretary of State Marco Rubio came running into the Oval Office to tell President Trump: “The Ayatollah has been hit by Israeli missiles.”
President Trump said, “Khamenei?”
And Rubio said, “About five or six.”
So ended the life of the Supreme Leader of Iran. The Washington Post immediately ran an obituary for him that stated, and I quote, “With his bushy white beard and easy smile, Ayatollah Khamenei cut an avuncular figure… He was known to be fond of Persian poetry and classic Western novels, especially Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables.”
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Oh, Klavan, you marvelous, merry-making merchant of mirth, what a sparkling comedic imagination you must have to dream up a fantastical and absurd newspaper that would stock its obituary of a monster of mass murder and oppression with a description of his avuncular figure and sophisticated literary tastes. 
You must be saying: Oh, how we held our bellies and laughed hardy-har-har when you pretended that a well-respected journalistic institution like the Washington Post, which only recently fired 300 of the 800 people working in their newsroom, would nonetheless have kept on staff the sort of human-shaped but worm-souled font of scatological moral corruption who would spew such flattery at the corpse of a man who murdered tens of thousands of his own citizens, not to mention thousands of Americans. 
You’re probably thinking: Oh, Bravo and Five stars, you Klavan of Klavans, for inventing an implausible yet biting political satire of the Post worthy of Juvenal himself, if Juvenal had allowed his imagination to run amok, making him a Juvenal delinquent, ha ha ha.
But no, I am not making this up.
The Washington Post, where democracy dies in an ethical darkness so complete that even the fires of hell would be a welcome source of illumination, actually honored the Ayatollah with a description of his bushy white beard and avuncular smile that might have made their readers think, Oh no, now that the Ayatollah is dead, who will fly around the world on Christmas Eve to deliver toys to all the good little children?
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/hosts/andrew-klavan?elementPosition=6&amp;row=2&amp;rowHeadline=Hosts&amp;rowType=Hosts+Portrait+Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
And the Washington Post was not the only outlet that lamented the death of a tyrant whose personality was, in fact, greatly improved by his being blown to smithereens. Tucker Carlson was outraged that a man he called “the Pope of Shia Islam” had been killed by Jews, those wascals. After all, why are we making an alliance with wascally Jews, when we could be friends with an actual Pope like the Ayatollah?  What have the Jews ever contributed to society besides the Old and New Testaments, modern physics, the great old Hollywood that spread American values around the world, countless technological and medical breakthroughs, including a cure for polio, and all the really good Christmas Carols? 
Tucker was especially angry that Donald Trump had celebrated the death of Pope Ayatollah. Trump claimed the Santa-like Shiite Pope had tried to have him assassinated. But no. Carlson, citing anonymous sources close to Candace Owens’s imagination, revealed for the first time that the intelligence proving the Shiite Pope had tried to kill our president was unreliable because it had come from Israel, if by Israel you mean the FBI, where maybe the I stands for Israel, I’m not really sure.
But really, many prominent Jews have also come out against the killing of Khamenei, including Chuck Schumer and Bill Kristol, who were strongly in favor of killing Khamenei until Donald Trump actually helped do it, whereupon they changed their minds so fast that their brains ricocheted off the inside of their heads and flew out their ears, leaving them so brainless that they were reduced to being Chuck Schumer and Bill Kristol.
But you know, maybe these people have a point. As good Christians, we should restrain our celebratory guffaws at the admittedly hilarious image of the Ayatollah being particlized by his Israeli enemies, and only emit those occasional snorts or snickers that we find impossible to suppress as we wag our fingers at the Israeli Air Force and sternly say to them, “Boo-yah, you friends of humankind!”
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Santa Claus Aya

The Washington Post Writes A Christmas Card To The Ayatollah

Donald Trump

Santa Claus

Washington Post

You know, between the rapid pace of news events these days and the ubiquitous proliferation of media outlets, it’s very easy to get so overwhelmed with information that you lose your focus and let your mind drift to meaningless side issues like whether if you continually rewind &#8220;The Housemaid&#8221; so you can watch the Sydney Sweeney sex scene over and over, it will somehow show up on the feed so your wife will find out when she goes to watch one of those movies she likes where none of the women even takes her shirt off so what the hell’s the point.
I’m sorry. What was I talking about?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you can lose your focus — and not even realize that you don’t really understand the issues in play. So now and again, we here at the Daily Wire like to take a moment to try to explain to you some of the important subjects that we ourselves know absolutely nothing about.
For instance, President Trump says the economy is doing great, but polls show that many people disagree. So today we want to try to unpack the principles of economics so you can answer basic questions, like who’s right, who’s wrong, how the hell should I know, and why can’t you people just leave me alone?
Economics is a science, like pinball or craps. The word comes from the Greek root “omics,” meaning “something you read in the newspaper that is so ridiculous it makes you laugh.” That’s the same root that gives us words like “comics,” and “New York Times opinionomics.”
Now, here at The Andrew Klavan Show, we know that some people in our audience are functionally illiterate, but the rest of our audience can only aspire to being functionally illiterate, so in order to explain the principles of economics in the simplest possible way, we’re going to take you through an ordinary day in the life of an economist.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-1268-the-andrew-klavan-show?elementPosition=1&amp;row=6&amp;rowHeadline=Latest+Episodes&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
Ordinary economist Wolfgang Startle wakes up a little after 6:00 AM. He opens the shades in time to see the sun cresting the eastern horizon. “Oh my God,” says Wolfgang Startle, “what the hell is that?”
“That’s the sun coming up in the morning,” says Mrs. Startle.
“Wow,” says Wolfgang. “That’s surprising. Yesterday, I predicted that artificial intelligence would cause the moon to turn to blood while the sun refused to shine. So this development is very unexpected.” 
Soon after, Mrs. Startle puts breakfast on the table. “Whoa!” cries Wolfgang Startle. “Are these fried eggs? I did not see that coming.”
“But I make you fried eggs every morning,” says Mrs. Startle.
“Yes,” says Wolfgang. “But last week, I predicted that Donald Trump’s tariffs would drive the price of eggs up way beyond what we can afford, so this is completely unexpected.”
An hour later, Wolfgang Startle arrives at work at the Wall Street Journal, where he’s greeted by his editor, Hyman Panic. “I’m sorry, Wolfgang,” Panic says. “I’m going to have to let you go, because every single prediction you make turns out to be wrong.”
“Well, this comes totally out of the blue for me,“ says Wolfgang Startle. “I predicted that Trump’s anti-immigration policies would cause a minor rise in unemployment&#8230; for some reason&#8230; but now my unemployment is unexpectedly at 100%.”
And just wait till you see how startled Wolfgang Startle is when he gets home, because he did not predict that Mrs. Startle would unexpectedly run off with the guy who writes the horoscope pages for the New York Post, after she discovered that his predictions were more accurate than Wolfgang’s, so he still has a job.
I hope this glimpse into the daily life of an economist has given you a better sense of whether you should believe Donald Trump when he says the economy is great, or your wife when she tells you she had to sell the kids for rent money.
The important thing to remember is that whether you vote for Trump’s Republicans or for the people who want to reduce America to dust while destroying every vestige of our prosperity and freedom, you can never be totally sure about the future, unless you read the horoscope page in the New York Post.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Stressed businessman overwhelmed by work

Economics Is A Science, Like Pinball Or Craps

Economics

When I ponder the deeper aspects of love and intimacy, I sometimes like to consult the wisdom of our left-wing thought leaders, in the same way I sometimes like to stick a pencil in my ear to see if I can make it come out the other side of my head, then slam the ball-peen of a hammer down on my kneecap with full force before finally jamming a lit stick of dynamite between my buttocks and blowing my own ass off.
For far too long, stodgy conservative influencers like Matt Walsh and God have defined human love as that relationship in which a man and a woman come to realize that the jigsaw complementarity of male and female bodies has become a fleshly symbol of the harmonic convergence of their individual souls, so that they seek to come together through the sacrament of an indissoluble lifelong marriage, in which she submits to the authority of a member of that gender with some semblance of a capacity for reason, while he includes within the circle of his own happiness the happiness of a member of that gender that can never be made happy or if they can it just costs an absolute fortune.
But unlike the sluggish thought of conservatives, the wisdom of leftism never allows itself to become mired in the stagnant tar pit of moral and physical reality. Leftism is progressive, like emphysema or one of those horrible degenerative diseases that you don’t even want to think about because it’s so much like leftism, it makes you wonder how a good God could ever allow such a thing to exist. No. Leftists have now moved beyond restrictive, outdated categories like the essential nature of the human condition, and they’ve discovered all kinds of new wrinkles to human love that past generations never even conceived of without getting arrested.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/hosts/andrew-klavan?elementPosition=6&amp;row=2&amp;rowHeadline=Hosts&amp;rowType=Hosts+Portrait+Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
For instance, through the brilliant writings of leftist academics who have dedicated their lives to the selfless work of saying ridiculous crap that only some idiot like a journalist could possibly fall for, we now know that your gender is not determined by what gender you are. That wouldn’t be fair. You didn’t ask to be born. And if you did ask to be born, you sure didn’t ask to be born with every cell of your body evolved over slow millennia to either create and nurture the next generation, or to drag your ass to work so the next generation and their mother don’t starve to death while they’re home playing Candy Land or whatever the hell they do all day when you’re slaving away to keep them in onesies with maybe a few bucks left over for a date night at the Olive Garden so you don’t go out of your freaking mind.
NOW, leftists tell us, you can change your gender by simply lopping off the relevant body parts, then bullying all the sane people into pretending that did the trick, until the gnawing suspicion that everyone is lying to you causes you to spray a crowded room with gunfire before blowing your head off.
And for those people who aren’t into meaningless self-mutilation — for some reason — leftists are also able to assist you in intimacy by recommending some fruitless sexual fetish that is sure to improve your love life if your love life currently consists of lowering baskets of lotion into an oubliette.
As an example, there’s a new movie out called &#8220;Pillion&#8221; which charts the sado-masochistic affair between two gay bikers. The Wall Street Journal calls it a “classic rom-com with warm and fuzzy feelings.” The Washington Post calls it a “surprisingly sweet BDSM romance.” And the New York Times hasn’t reviewed it yet, because their reviewer is still in the theater watching it over and over again. 
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against defining love as a man submitting to wearing a dog collar for another man, any more than I’m against defining dinner as repeatedly smacking a sirloin steak into your forehead. I just wish our leftist cultural overlords would occasionally heap such praise on a movie about, say, a wife submitting to the authority of a husband who makes her happiness his own. But they can’t. Because no one ever makes that movie.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Modern love

Love, Leftism, And The Tar Pit Of Physical Reality

Dating

Entertainment

Gender

Marriage

Movies

Relationships

This article originally appeared in <a href="https://thenewjerusalem.substack.com/p/why-more-weimar">The New Jerusalem</a> on Substack.
* * *
In the minds of most journalists, all human history can be summed up with the words, “Rome fell, then Hitler came.” A few more accomplished scholars among the chattering classes might be able to distinguish between the fall of Rome’s republic, followed by the empire, and the fall of the empire, followed by a thousand years of hideously faith-infused darkness. But basically, to journalists, all signs of political or cultural decadence — whether it’s a Republican being elected or some other Republican being elected — are omens that American Rome is about to collapse followed by the rise of American Hitler.
“A Confessing Church for America’s Weimar Moment,” reads a headline in The Dispatch. “We must not let the shooting of Charlie Kirk become Trump’s Reichstag fire,” writes a genius at The Guardian. “Welcome to Weimar 2.0,” headlines a book excerpt by the catastrophist Robert D. Kaplan in Foreign Policy. And that’s not even counting the continual Hitler forecasts on cable TV. One could almost feel sorry for der old Führer, his psycho ass getting dragged out of hell every ten minutes to serve as a warning to us all.
And look, yes, it’s true, the United States is in one of those periods of dissolution and transition that come upon every nation from time to time. So too was Weimar, the unstable republic that rose up in the wake of Germany’s crushing defeat in World War I. Such periods are often marked by polarized politics, destructive sexual profligacy wrongly celebrated as liberation, and art forms informed by and infused with the general cultural decay. So with America. So with Weimar.
Beyond that, however, the comparison is a shallow one. For one thing, the image of Weimar among our clerisy is skewed with bias. Watch any movie set in the era — the musical Cabaret is a good one — or any television series — Babylon Berlin is my favorite — or read histories like Peter Gay’s famous Weimar Culture. You’ll get the sense that you’re learning about a time of delightful but doomed sexual and artistic creativity, with benign but hapless socialists slowly falling beneath the darkening Nazi shadow.
But no. The undisciplined sex lives, the anti-freedom politics of both the left and the right, and the shocking but ultimately ephemeral cultural productions were all one thing, all part of the same process of decay. Weimar — and the world wars that preceded and followed it — marked the end of a civilization — the greatest civilization that has yet existed on planet Earth — the civilization that was Europe from around 1345 to 1914. It was this, in fact, that gave Hitler his rhetorical super power: he diagnosed the decadence correctly. He just didn’t realize he was its ultimate manifestation. Ah well. Even a mass murdering racist lunatic can’t be right all the time.
<div id="attachment_1044519" style="width: 745px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1044519" class="size-large wp-image-1044519" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/02/GettyImages-156480264-735x576.jpg" alt="Charles Chaplin movie art for the film 'The Great Dictator', 1940. (Photo by United Artists/Getty Images)" width="735" height="576" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/02/GettyImages-156480264-735x576.jpg 735w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/02/GettyImages-156480264-300x235.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/02/GettyImages-156480264-768x602.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/02/GettyImages-156480264.jpg 1024w" sizes=" (max-width: 735px) 100vw, 735px" />Charles Chaplin movie art for the film &#8216;The Great Dictator&#8217;, 1940. (Photo by United Artists/Getty Images)</div>
So the United States is in a decadent state and so was Weimar, and decadence anywhere looks like decadence everywhere. History does repeat itself.
But it repeats itself for a reason. It’s the same reason a person’s life tends to repeat itself. The human race, like each of its individual members, has a nature, a character. Like everything that exists, character is bounded by its defining limits. Those limits cause it to express itself in a finite number of patterns. Over time, those patterns are certain to reassert themselves in recognizable forms.
The patterns of a healthy society or person will be shaped something like a rising spiral. Certain arcs of activity will recur over and over, but they will recur in increasingly wise, creative and productive ways. There will be periods of dissolution but they will be what is sometimes referred to as “chaos leading to a higher plane.” You can trace such a pattern in the plays of William Shakespeare. You can find it in the history of England between Elizabeth and the end of World War II.
The history of a rotten society or person will form a descending spiral, the repeated arcs of foolishness and evil growing ever darker and more self-destructive. The life of every tyranny is like this. The life of every addict too.
Then there’s the history of an ignorant or neurotic society or person. This will simply look like a circle. The subject goes round and round on a level track while uttering occasional gasps of wonder at having found themselves at a place they’ve passed a hundred times before but have a hundred times forgotten. You know people like this. Every now and then, they announce they’ve had some smack-the-forehead revelation that will change their lives forever. Then they return to the exact same ideas and behaviors they’ve had before. Perpetually primitive tribes are also like this, no matter how we want to romanticize them.
In short, times of dissolution will indeed be followed by a transition. But Hitler — get ready for it — is not the only possible outcome. The time surrounding the French Revolution in Great Britain showed many of the usual signs of decadence, but the Victorian era that followed was arguably Britain’s greatest age. So with the United States in the 1920’s and 30’s. Those decadent days led to the mighty 1950’s and a new American half century. As with each individual, what follows a nation’s dissolution all depends on the essential health of the nation’s character.
Where then are we?
It seems obvious to me that the primary cause of our current decline is the falling away of the Baby Boomers. My age cohort has dominated the political and cultural landscape for seventy years. Now, we’re played out and heading for the exits. Our accomplishments were many. We made hypocritical virtue signaling an art, introduced self-destructive drug use to the general population, slowed the rise of black Americans by burying them under the smothering dependencies of the Great Society, and wasted all the money accumulated by every generation before us along with some money that will be accumulated by the generations to come. We also popularized the personal computer so, like, yay for us.
What the United States will become when we are gone is, of course, not yet clear, but it’s a good bet it will be defined by the way we use the new forms of communication that have been and are still being generated by technology. Who or what will dominate those engines of culture is largely what all the current division, panic, bullying and violence is intended to decide.
Periods like this are often resolved by the rise of a powerful personality. Will this person shape the coming Zeitgeist or merely ride its wave? Your answer will depend on whether you agree with Thomas Carlyle that “the History of the world is but the Biography of great men,” or with Tolstoy who said, “great men—so called—are but the labels that serve to give a name to an event.” Like the question of nurture or nature, this question is impossible to resolve, probably because, like the question of nature and nurture, the binary itself is an illusion. But as I say, contra the journalists, Hitler is not the only model for such era-defining personalities. George Washington and Queen Victoria are far more benign examples of the breed. Luther and Napoleon were mixed blessings. History is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.
When we scan the horizon for the coming definitive personality, it’s pretty hard to see the horizon with the gigantic Donald Trump standing in the way. So yeah, maybe he’s the guy. He has no coherent ideology so his effect may not be a lasting one. But he does bear all the marks of a Tolstoyan Godzilla. Like that monster created by nuclear blasts, Trump is the product of our generation’s eruption of materialist vulgarity. But he is also the avatar of the American everyman in our time. Like that character — much maligned by the elites who feed off his bounty — he is blunt, common sensical, creative, independent and bold. If he uses these traits to blast away such fatal nonsense as open borders, transgenderism and socialism — if he restores our simple patriotism and can-do spirit — the imprint of his nature may well be Trump’s legacy to the new age.
But this is still America. Perhaps the great figure that will shape our 21st Century is not Trump or any other individual, but we, the people. In that case, Weimar, with its sexual libertinism, its artistic Dadaism and its polarized politics, actually does serve as a guide — a guide to what each and every one of us should not do.
Let we, the people, then, like healthy men with healthy minds, eschew the habits of decadence.
Get your sex life in order. Give up porn and feminism and other such perversions, and yoke your desires to their natural purposes: the creation of families, the solidifying of marriages and the maintenance of self-governing homes.
In politics, murder your isms. Follow the facts instead. Do what works, what keeps people free, what makes free people happy, what encourages the wealthy but protects the poor. Our founding principles are still the best guides ever invented to achieving those ends. Use them. Make our leaders use them too.
And in the culture, forget the overrated shock of the new. In the arts as in life, follow one rule: Make something beautiful. Whether it’s a movie or an invention, a business or a family, a community at peace or simply a life lived lovingly and well. Turn your back on every ugliness and cruelty. Head down the path of beauty and, like the prodigal son, you will see your Father running to greet you from afar.
And that’s another thing — one last thing — love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind. In general, they neglected to do that in Weimar and ended up worshipping the devil instead. No matter what anyone tells you, those are the only two choices. Choose right, and I guarantee you, Hitler will stay in hell — or on cable TV, which amounts to the same thing — where he belongs.
* * *
This article originally appeared in <a href="https://thenewjerusalem.substack.com/p/why-more-weimar">The New Jerusalem</a> on Substack.
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

President Hindenburg

Why More Weimar?

Adolf Hitler

Europe

Germany

Nazi Germany

Opinion

Roman Empire

Social Issues

In the past few months, The Daily Wire has promised members more shows, more entertainment, and more exclusive content — and we are delivering.
In January alone, The Daily Wire released over 250 pieces of content, and this month promises to be even bigger. And tonight, more huge content is coming to DailyWire+ with the premiere of Season 2 of “Ben After Dark.”
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/ben-after-dark" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Ben After Dark — Season Two</a>
You already know debate Ben. You know professor Ben. Now meet after hours Ben. The intellectual who explains the headlines all week is back to burn them down. Ben After Dark is what happens when Ben stops taking the week’s news seriously and gives it the unhinged treatment it deserves. Not everyone will love it. That’s kind of the point. Late night just met its match, and it’s filled with naughty words and wearing a yarmulke.
The combination of Friday the 13th and Valentine’s Day weekend was the only sign we needed to launch season two of Ben After Dark. Ben returns with his trusty sidekick Savy and releases the rage with Ben Destroys, unsolicited recommendations from Clay Travis, and it wouldn’t be Valentine’s without a visit from Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger. <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/ben-after-dark" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Watch tonight</a> at 6:00 p.m. ET, only on DailyWire+.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-pendragon-cycle" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Pendragon Cycle</a>
The reviews are in, and “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-pendragon-cycle" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Pendragon Cycle: Rise of the Merlin</a>” is a huge hit. The 7-part epic fantasy is in full swing, with the first five episodes available to stream right now on DailyWire+. In “The Pendragon Cycle,” Merlin emerges not as the wizard we remember from typical Arthurian retellings that lean on medieval imagery and rote chivalry, but as a complex prophetic figure caught in a world of spiritual warfare, political chaos, and the dawn of Western civilization.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/real-history-with-matt-walsh" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Real History with Matt Walsh</a>
On January 18, Daily Wire host Matt Walsh released the first episode of his highly anticipated series “Real History.” The first episode, which dove into “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/rhs-260118?elementPosition=0&amp;row=0&amp;rowType=Vertical+Show+Episodes+Carousel" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Real History of Slavery</a>,” showed that what you were taught in high school and college history courses wasn’t the whole story.
Walsh’s new show is challenging, questioning, and reexamining the decades of propaganda you’ve been force fed. Episode II, “The Real History of the American Indians,” premieres on February 23.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/dwn-260212?elementPosition=0&amp;row=0&amp;rowHeadline=More+Episodes&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Finding Nancy Guthrie </a>
The Daily Wire’s first true crime podcast features reporter Lynden Blake diving into the disappearance of Nancy Guthrie, and “Finding Nancy Guthrie” is already a top-20 true crime podcast.
As the deadline to save Nancy Guthrie passes, questions arise — Is the 84-year-old’s disappearance truly a kidnapping or something more sinister? Are the carefully crafted ransom notes part of a larger deception? And troubling new developments as key family members seemingly vanish from view.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/hosts/matt-fradd" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Pints Last Call</a>
Daily Wire’s newest host, Matt Fradd, has a brand new show on DailyWire+, “Pints Last Call.” In the latest <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/plc-260212-sub?elementPosition=0&amp;row=0&amp;rowHeadline=Recent+Episodes&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel" target="_blank" rel="noopener">episode</a>, Fradd sat down with Brian Holdsworth to discuss the Catholic Church’s teachings on fasting and how to strike the balance between challenging yourself this Lent without overcommitting.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/hosts/matt-fradd" target="_blank" rel="noopener">New episodes</a> of “Pints Last Call” drop every Thursday night.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/bar-fight" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Bar Fight with Michael Knowles</a>
Sit back and watch a different kind of fight night on Saturday with “Bar Fight,” as Daily Wire host Michael Knowles goes head-to-head with challengers from across the aisle in a no-holds-barred, high-energy debate show. The <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/bfs-260207-sub?elementPosition=0&amp;row=0&amp;rowType=Vertical+Show+Episodes+Carousel" target="_blank" rel="noopener">latest episode</a> of “Bar Fight” featured Knowles facing off with viral liberal commentators Harry Sisson and Chris Mowrey.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/friendly-fire" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Friendly Fire </a>
The show that brings our hosts together and tears them apart is dropping multiple episodes each month. “Friendly Fire” features Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, Michael Knowles, and Andrew Klavan shooting from the hip. No moderator. No safe words.
The <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ffs-260211-sub?elementPosition=0&amp;row=0&amp;rowType=Vertical+Show+Episodes+Carousel" target="_blank" rel="noopener">latest episode</a> of “Friendly Fire” dropped this week, with the guys trying to understand Bad Bunny and bad culture.
Even More News Coverage
The Daily Wire’s news team is going full throttle, chasing leads, breaking stories, and dragging facts into the light before the spin machine can dress them up like something they are not. Last month, while the news team kept you updated on Trump’s moves in Venezuela, our White House correspondent Mary Margaret Olohan <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWNuS0tRVbY" target="_blank" rel="noopener">broke down</a> how Trump captured Nicolás Maduro in 88 minutes. Daily Wire immigration reporter Jennie Taer also <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/dwn-260120">rode along with ICE agents</a> in Minneapolis last month, and reporter Brecca Stoll was <a href="https://www.dailywire.com/news/what-i-saw-in-minneapolis">on the ground in Minnesota</a>, covering the protests and interviewing demonstrators.
In February, The Daily Wire has kept you in the know on important news, such as the continued ICE operations in Minneapolis and the uprising in Iran. The Daily Wire will also be live from Washington, D.C., for President Trump’s State of the Union address on February 24.
***
It’s only the beginning of 2026, and there’s never been a better time to <a href="https://get.dailywire.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">become a DailyWire+ member</a>.

Ben After Dark

Ben Shapiro

Daily Wire

Matt Walsh

Michael Knowles

The Pendragon Cycle

Well, last week we talked about the Oscars, and this week, it’s the Grammys. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Please, God, kill me now, before I have to hear about the Grammys. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to drown this out by sticking my fingers in my ears and whistling Dixie, which may give people the impression that I support the Confederacy when, in fact, I think holding your fellow human beings in bondage, branding and flogging them before selling their families is a horrible thing, and if I were forced to choose between life as a slave and watching the Grammys, I would pretend to think about it, then suddenly break my chains and escape through the alligator-infested swamps of Mississippi, never to return to slavery until the award show was over.”
Okay, maybe that’s not exactly what you’re thinking. I mean, only a degenerate would think something like that. Even just saying it out loud is morally disgusting, though obviously not as bad as the Grammys.
But this year, the Grammy award show was not just the usual self-celebration of a collection of semi-talented drug addicts who set disgustingly explicit words to simplistic and atonal music. This year we got to hear what these addicts think about politics. How great is that?
For instance, Billie Eilish, who won “Best Performance by a Dumpy Person with a Weirdly Skewed Face who Sings as if Even She Doesn’t Want to Hear her Crappy Music,” denounced ICE agents’ arrest of illegal migrants, by saying, “No one is illegal on stolen land.”
In response, the native American Fugawe tribe requested Eilish return her $3 million Los Angeles mansion, since it stands on land that belongs to them. The tribe promised to repay Eilish by burning her heart as a sacrifice to the Great Spirit, after they had devoured her body in a traditional indigenous ceremony. Eilish politely refused as she ran screaming from the award show, explaining that if everyone in California gave their land back, the Native Americans would return the state to poverty, primitivism and savagery, and that’s Gavin Newsom’s job.
<div class="image"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></div>
Bad Bunny won this year’s Grammy for Best Album by a Puerto Rican Drag Queen. Mr. Bunny immediately demanded that Federal immigration officers stop enforcing Federal Immigration law or else. ICE officers responded by crying out in agitated, high-pitched voices, “Oh no, Bad Bunny is angry at us, whatever shall we do?” then went back to work.
Now, the Super Bowl is this Sunday, and Mr. Bunny is scheduled to do the half-time show at that all-American display of manhood by wearing a dress and denigrating America. So NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was asked to comment on Bunny’s speech. Goodell said, “We at the NFL gave the half-time show to Mr. Bunny to make a strong statement, namely that we have so much money we really don’t give a rat’s ass what our audience thinks, and we will continue to mock the deeply-held beliefs of ordinary Americans while dining on lobster, caviar and champagne served on the naked backs of former Athletes, whose brain injuries have rendered them useless for anything but acting as furniture for the people who got rich off destroying them. Enjoy the show.”
Singer Kehlani won this year’s Grammy for “Most Desperate Attempt to Extend an Evanescent Fifteen Minutes of Fame by Writhing Around Virtually Naked so No One Would Notice She has no Talent.” 
Kehlani also denounced ICE, saying, “It is important for artists to speak out, because our opinions matter to the sort of brain-dead 12-year-olds who listen to this crap. I for one want to inspire the young minority men in our audience to stand up to law enforcement agents with violent and aggressive tactics, which is going to work out great for you. And when you’re in prison, we’ll have your back, or actually some muscle-bound thug in Gen Pop will probably have your back, but at least you can think about how much money we’re making for inspiring you to take action.”
Now, personally, I thought these speeches were boring, conformist, ignorant, destructive, and foul-mouthed displays of misbehavior. Or maybe that was the songs. No, it was the speeches. Or maybe the songs. Whatever.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

68th GRAMMY Awards – Show

What Do You Call A Gathering Of Self-Absorbed, Semi-Talented Drug Addicts? The Grammys.

Bad Bunny

Billie Eilish

Grammy Awards

Grammys

Well, it’s Oscar season again, that time of year when Hollywood honors those amazing films that bravely went on playing in theaters, even though no one was sitting there except Nicole Kidman, desperately trying to move her face. For myself, I couldn’t look forward to the award ceremony more. I really couldn’t. I’ve tried everything. But before you know it, that spectacular gala will be preempting something you actually wanted to watch, so some of you may be thinking… “Sure, if I watch the award ceremony, there’s no doubt I’ll be riveted to my TV, because obviously, if I weren’t, I’d just walk away and do something else. But what I’m really wondering is what’s the inside skinny on how you win this coveted award.” So just in case you’re one of the sad little people whose life is so empty that you would actually think something as pathetic as that, the Daily Wire will now take you behind the scenes for an exclusive look at what it takes to win the Oscar. 
If you want to walk away with gold on Oscar night, you can’t just stand around waiting for someone to watch your movie because, let’s face it, that’s never going to happen. What you have to do is draw attention to yourself by giving interviews in which you express political opinions that are shockingly different from those of someone with even a minimal knowledge of world events. At the same time, of course, it’s important that your shockingly different opinion is exactly the same as everyone else’s opinion in Hollywood, otherwise you can kiss that statuette goodbye. 
For instance, Ethan Hawke has been nominated for his performance as Lorenz Hart in “Blue Moon,” which, in all honesty, would have been the best piece of acting anyone saw this year if anyone had. So clinging to the laughable delusion that the best actor award might go to a white man, Hawke gave an interview in which he reacted to immigration enforcement for all the people in America who woke up that morning thinking, “Gee, I wonder what that guy who played Lorenz Hart is thinking about immigration enforcement.”
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-1264-the-andrew-klavan-show?elementPosition=1&amp;row=5&amp;rowHeadline=Latest+Episodes&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
Hawke told an interviewer, “Never before in America have I felt so afraid to speak my mind that I wouldn’t even dare to say what I’m saying right now. But in my role as a man with moral courage, I must come forward with the exact same opinion as everyone else in Hollywood and suffer the consequences, which I hope will be that sweet, sweet statuette. At a time when we in the movie industry are overcome with a sense of crisis totally out of keeping with reality, it’s incumbent on us to speak truth to power, as long as it’s not the sort of power that could keep me from getting the award I should have gotten for “Training Day,” but which instead went to Jim Broadbent, whom no one has heard of, in a movie no one saw about Iris Murdoch, whom no one has read. So please, please, this year, I was in an obscure movie about an artist no one remembers, and now I’m standing here degrading myself by slandering my country and pretending to be afraid for some reason, so please, just give me the award, all right? Please, I’m serious, please.”
Even a front-runner has to campaign for the prize. For instance, “Sinners,” received a record 16 Oscar nominations, including most over-nominated picture, and best picture with a moderately entertaining first half before the second half dwindles into muddled anti-historical theorizing and shameful anti-white racism. Nonetheless, “Sinners” best actor nominee Michael B. Jordan still felt compelled to give a campaign interview, telling reporters, “So help me, if they give my Oscar to that fay cracker in the ping pong movie, I’m gonna slap Chris Rock in the face so hard, he’s gonna change his name to Will Smith so no one will remember who he is either.”
So there you have it. Thanks to this exclusive inside Hollywood reporting from the Daily Wire, you’ll be able to turn on your TV on Oscar night and really enjoy whatever it is you’ll be watching instead.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Academy awards

How To Win An Oscar Without Anyone Watching Your Movie

Academy Awards

actors

Ethan Hawke

Hollywood

Michael B Jordan

Oscars

In a tense confrontation reminiscent of the Cuban Missile Crisis, except without Cuba or the missiles or, really, the crisis, the United States has narrowly avoided a harrowing war with Denmark.
The crisis or whatever began when Donald Trump demanded Denmark hand Greenland over to the United States and issued a saber-rattling threat in which the sabers were made entirely of Legos just to add insult to injury. Trump said: “Since you lousy Danes have repeatedly refused to give me the Nobel Peace Prize, I see no reason why I should continue to be peaceful if I don’t get a prize for it. And the Nobel Prize I received from that kooky Venezuelan dame with a name like a Spanish dance number doesn’t count, because people just laugh when they see it, so I’m sending it back and taking Greenland instead.”
When Secretary of State Marco Rubio explained that the Nobel Peace Prize is given in Norway not Denmark, Trump became so enraged he appointed Rubio the King of France so he’d have his head cut off. When he found out the French no longer cut people’s heads off, he appointed Rubio the first lady of France and leaked the news to Candace Owens.
Panicked by the threat of invasion, the Danish Prime Minister whose name no one can pronounce and who might even be a chick for all I know, ordered four brigades of the 101st Hans Christian Andersen Division to sail to Greenland on one of those cute little sailboats like the one in &#8220;The Little Mermaid.&#8221; This increased the tension because, despite its small size, the Danish military is renowned for its tough training, though it’s mostly in folk dancing.
Meanwhile, the administration got to work preparing for war by testing out various battle cries like, “Damn you Danes, no one can even understand what you’re saying!” and “Give us Greenland, Denmark, and none of your stinking Danish tricks!” and “In America, we eat Danish for breakfast, so ha ha ha!”
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-1263-the-andrew-klavan-show-member-exclusive?contentProgram=The%20Andrew%20Klavan%20Show&amp;contentType=ShowEpisode&amp;elementPosition=2&amp;location=Home%20Tab&amp;row=0&amp;rowType=Home%20Featured%20Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
The administration even prepared a new aggressive Greenland national anthem more suitable for an American colony, with rousing lyrics like, “Oh Greenland, it’s the nicest place you’ve ever seen-land, Where no one’s a wimp, and we’re proud of our shrimp. Oh, Greenland, our home sweet home.”
The news of the impending American attack so upset global elites at their annual gathering in Davos, Switzerland, that they were forced to suspend their usual business of trying to impose obnoxious, useless, and oppressive ideas on people who’d rather pinch their elite noses and twist them like Moe used to do to the other two Stooges than listen to a word these privileged melon-heads have to say. Instead, European leaders and other obscure non-entities took to the stage to make angry speeches as a way of passing their last remaining moments in power before they’re tossed onto the dustbin of history.
The prime minister of Canada, for instance — and I can’t bother to find out his name so just make one up yourself — told the gathering, “There has been such a rupture in the world order that we’re barely able to debank the working class citizens who protest our policies, or arrest anyone who uses Grok to make hilarious pictures of us naked or persecute the saints who pray silently near abortion clinics. If Donald Trump does not restore this world order immediately, Europe will be forced to ally itself with China. After all, China’s a one-party nation with no free speech and a small minority of white people, so it’s basically a European nation already.”
Donald Trump conceded the Canadian’s point and issued a new statement saying, “I war on Denmark declare,” but then found out it was the WORLD order the Canadian premier was complaining about not the WORD ORDER, and Trump issued another declaration, saying, “Oh, it screw.”
As the hour of decision drew ever closer, audiences around the world sat tensely before their televisions, mostly watching &#8220;What’s in the Box?&#8221; Fortunately, at the last minute, Trump decided to make a deal when he realized a war with Denmark might last longer than he thought and interrupt a full half of the AFC Championship game, instead of just the first ten minutes.
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

U.S. President Trump Attends World Economic Forum In Davos

How The United States Narrowly Avoided A Harrowing War With Denmark

Denmark

Greenland

World Economic Forum

The Supreme Court this week heard major cases on whether men who think they’re women because they’re mentally ill should be able to play sports with women who think they’re women because they’re women. The cases were a chance for the court to explore the question: is it fair for men who feel like women to play women’s sports or are we living in reality where that would be the sort of question only a nerdy nine-year-old boy would ask just before cracking up at his own joke and then making a series of snorting noises that ends with his accidentally blowing snot on his I Heart Stranger Things T-shirt?
In the event, the case was argued before a gathering of fine legal minds and Ketanji Brown Jackson. The trans-athletes were represented by the famous attorney Foster Closterfockolus who was hired by the Roland Dinghead Memorial Fund, which was named in honor of the famous trans-athlete, a girl who identified as male and joined a men’s boxing club, then sadly died.
Mr. Closterfockolus made the argument that — in theory — there are no real advantages to men who play women’s sports, so we should all live in theory instead of on earth where the idea is completely absurd. Judging by their responses to his argument, the justices seemed divided between those justices with IQ’s higher than a bowl of Cheerios and Ketanji Brown Jackson.
The highlight of Mr. Closterfockolus’s argument was when he conjured up the cherished memory of transgender athletes from the past, like Abner Skullfog, a girl who identified as male and joined the local men’s ice hockey team, then, sadly, died. Mr. Closterfockolus said that to ban boys who identify as girls from girls’ sports would be to betray the memory of such pioneers who gave the last measure of devotion to free us from the shackles of sanity and common sense. Mr. Closterfockulus actually fought back tears as he went on to tell the story of another historic transgender innovator, Henry Blither, a woman who identified as a man and managed to join an NFL football team, then, sadly, died — though not before breaking through the Steelers’ offensive line to sack Aaron Rodgers.
<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/episode/ep-1262-the-andrew-klavan-show?elementPosition=1&amp;row=2&amp;rowHeadline=Latest+Episodes&amp;rowType=Horizontal+Show+Episodes+Carousel"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="size-large wp-image-974735 aligncenter" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg" alt="" width="1024" height="171" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg 1024w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-300x50.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-768x128.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now-1536x256.jpg 1536w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2025/09/Klavan-watch-now.jpg 1800w" sizes=" (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></a>
When Mr. Closterfockolus concluded his arguments, he was peppered with incisive questions by the brilliant justices and one from Ketanji Brown Jackson. Jackson asked, “If a man wears a skirt that’s a really soft shade of pink and has girly pleats with maybe a flower pattern, like little roses weaving in a kind of floaty, dream-like feminine way, and that skirt makes him very attractive to the sort of burly man who walks around with his shoulders and arms swinging, and then suddenly he sees this boy in his pretty pink skirt, and okay, it doesn’t develop into anything, but he takes a second look before becoming disgusted with himself, couldn’t we then say that the first boy is as much a female as that gruff detective on the HBO show about Easttown or is the whole scenario of three different local women getting kidnapped by the same man just too unbelievable?”
The next probing question came from Justice Alito who asked the attorney, “What the hell is that moron talking about and how in God’s name did she get on the Supreme Court?”
Throughout the questioning, the Justices tried to be respectful to the defendants by using their preferred pronouns without giggling, which unfortunately proved impossible.
After the question period was over, the attorney for the states banning men in women’s sports, Joan Dark, stood before the justices and wept quietly for twenty minutes before answering questions, including another intricate inquiry from Alito, who said, “Why couldn&#8217;t that dementia-riddled puddlehead of a president find a black woman who had been to law school, or could at least form an English sentence?”
But the final argument startled the justices when it came from a resonant disembodied voice that shook the courtroom, saying, “I created mankind in my image, male and female, and if you’re wondering why I didn’t ask your opinion about it, it’s because I’m omniscient and I knew there would one day be a justice on the Supreme Court who was dumber than a bowl of Cheerios.”
* * *
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “<a href="https://www.dailywire.com/show/the-andrew-klavan-show" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Andrew Klavan Show</a>.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/After-That-Cameron-Winter-Mysteries/dp/1613166869/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3EGZUC370LG46&amp;dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Y_NI0mDOKeowShheDQTVx5NH-fAeimJoCD56_T0Acpl8C0mup7uJf-nGGSRLEItaaekoDnvS2vWLMa4Zd2UBXQ8Y-g-P502jOWz-Y8IX3ZQsdlO7WMLrg1xIhNoKmjCorSWUR4C2l_RbiZ7apJ1MfPzGOrrEf7AdAXX6xwnJRVP_XqUfWuMuVthTWscaU3P4vgmS86-96n-721enHfX12CFQWTajqFbVnrsDkexfUf4.6_gTH6h1Bb9Pn375QdF_VAVZSayDvjQBBKGXE-MTiFo&amp;dib_tag=se&amp;keywords=klavan&amp;qid=1754049918&amp;sprefix=%2Caps%2C80&amp;sr=8-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">After That, The Dark,</a> is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: <a href="https://x.com/andrewklavan" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@andrewklavan</a>.
The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

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