Satire

Why America’s Journalists Are Wholly Unqualified To Report The News

Some are now suggesting that "60 Minutes" may have edited Bill Whitaker’s recent interview with Kamala Harris.

Andrew Klavan
Why America’s Journalists Are Wholly Unqualified To Report The News
JIM WATSON/AFP via Getty Images

After watching the news media’s coverage of this year’s presidential election, some people are saying that America’s journalists are wholly unqualified to report the news and should find more suitable employment, like cleaning the port-a-sans on those construction sites with very low sanitation standards until even the managers of these disgusting venues can no longer tolerate the steaming piles of unmitigated crap these journalists produce and not only fire them, but leave such scorching denunciations of their work on social media that they become unemployable and wind up wandering the deserted streets of some crumbling Democrat-run urban hellhole until, at last unable to tolerate the shame of being an American journalist, they hurl themselves into the nearest river where a crowd of the very audience they lied to gathers to watch them struggling against the tide and murmurs to one another, “Hey, isn’t that that sneering girly man who fact-checked Donald Trump’s facts with falsehoods during the last debate,” and other similar remarks that ultimately raise their level of righteous indignation to the point where they start hurling rotten vegetables at these former so-called journalists so that they not only float out to sea forever, but float out to sea covered in decaying lettuce and onions and good riddance, now maybe these stinkers will learn to tell the truth once in a while.

But of course that’s only the opinion of some people. Other people just aren’t paying attention or they’re standing in the rain shaking their fists at the sky and shouting at the Jews to stop sending all these hurricanes.

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