Secretary of State Marco Rubio was just outed for his love of Pop-Tarts. But in the MAHA era, we thought his go-to treat could use a makeover, so we made healthier “Pop-Tarts” in Rubio’s favorite flavors.
After defending Pop-Tarts as “one of the great American innovations in the history of the world” on “The Katie Miller Podcast,” Rubio hit up X to clear up fake news about anything other than his favorite flavor: cherry.
But while we saw the tweets, we had to reach out for the deets. An admin source close to Rubio’s snack pantry told The Daily Wire: “Secretary Rubio’s favorite Pop-Tarts flavors are Cherry and Strawberry.”
“I believe we have split the atom of breakfast,” Jerry Seinfeld’s character says about Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts in the movie “Unfrosted.” “We’re talking about happy childhoods for millions of American kids.” That’s pretty much what we’re doing over here, but with none of the processed stuff.
Yes, there are healthier toaster pastries on the market. But even if you’re cool with spending $5 per tart, they still often come with those pesky seed oils. Can we really do better than the “$1 billion breakfast icon”? Don’t threaten us with a good time. Taste-testing homemade Pop-Tarts all day is a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. So we did all the hard work to bake a pastry that hits these marks:
- No added sugar
- No synthetic dyes
- Easy to make
- And simply delicious
We’ll never be able to replicate the artificial sheen of the frosting and factory pockmarks of mass-produced food, but (humble-brag) I think we nailed a delicious version you can make at home. Promise you won’t miss the sugar rush. And hey, if you make these healthier “Pop-Tarts,” y’all better tag us in the photos.
The Daily Wire
HEALTHIER STRAWBERRY & CHERRY “POP-TARTS”
*Adapted from recipes by Minimalist Baker, Two Sugar Bugs, and Low-Carb Hoser
For the filling:
- 8 ounces frozen strawberries or cherries
- 4 tablespoons allulose powdered sweetener
- 1 teaspoon date syrup
- 2 teaspoons water
- 2 teaspoons cornstarch
For the pastry:
- 2 cups all-purpose flour (or 1 cup AP and 1 cup whole wheat pastry flour)
- 1 pinch salt
- ⅔ cup (10.5 tablespoons) cold unsalted butter, cubed
- 5 tablespoons ice water
- 1 egg, whisked
- Optional: melted salted butter for baking
For the frosting:
- 2 ½ cups allulose powdered sweetener
- 2 large egg whites, room temperature
- 2 teaspoons lemon juice
- Optional: freeze-dried strawberry and cherry crumbles
Method:
Prepare the filling. Whisk cornstarch with water in a small bowl and set aside. Add frozen strawberries or cherries, allulose, and date syrup to a small saucepan, and cook over medium heat until berries soften (about 5 minutes). Add cornstarch mixture, boil for 1 minute, then remove from the heat to cool.
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit, and line a baking sheet with parchment. Start the pastry by combining flour and salt in a large bowl. Next, cut butter into the flour mixture using a fork or pastry cutter until well-incorporated. (Work quickly to keep the pastry texture light and fluffy.) Add two tablespoons of ice water, and mix with a wooden spoon. Add up to 5 tablespoons of water — enough to form the dough into a ball that isn’t sticky or crumbly.
Turn the pastry out onto a floured surface, and shape into a disc. Cover with a sheet of wax paper, and roll into a rectangle, about ¼-inch thick. Using a pizza cutter or knife, slice into 8 rectangles, then carefully place them onto the baking sheet. Whisk the egg, and using a brush or your finger, coat the perimeter of the bottom pastry layer with egg wash. Add 2 tablespoons of the filling to the layer with the egg wash, then place a second pastry layer on top. Gently press a fork along the edges to seal the pastry. Poke a fork or sharp knife into the top layer to allow steam to escape. Brush with an optional light layer of melted salted butter. Bake for about 25 minutes until the pastry is golden brown.
The Daily Wire
Remove the pastry from the pan to a rack to cool completely. Then make the frosting. In a completely clean bowl of a stand mixer (can also use an electric hand mixer), whip egg whites until frothy. Add lemon juice. Then, slowly add all of the allulose sweetener for a “royal icing” texture. Color it by adding a few teaspoons of the leftover berry filling (skip the strawberry seeds and cherry skins), and frost the pastries. Sprinkle with crumbled freeze-dried berry “sprinkles.” Serve immediately or allow the frosting to air-dry for up to 8 hours to completely set.
The Daily Wire
NOTES:
- Allulose is naturally found in figs, raisins, and maple syrup, and is roughly 70% as sweet as table sugar. It’s a great substitute for baking because it flavors, browns, and caramelizes like granulated sugar. It has zero calories, but it may cause bloating in large amounts, so it’s best enjoyed in moderation.
- I tried this recipe with all-purpose flour and whole wheat flour. I felt like all-AP lent more of the “Pop-Tarts” vibe, but both options work.
- This recipe makes about four to six tarts, depending on how you roll out the dough. Cheers!
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