The following is satirical.
Democrat Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren is now saying she was fired from her first job by genocidal white males who didn’t want a pregnant transgender homosexual to bring another Native American into the world.
At a speech before the National Association of Outrageous Panderers, Warren said, “In those days, people just assumed if you were married and pregnant you must be a woman, and so at first my employers were happy for me and threw me a big party where I was given many presents including a plush solar system mobile that spun around to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. But when I announced that I identified as a man and was only sleeping with my husband because I was homosexual, the work atmosphere began to darken.”
“Then when I went to my employers and explained that my child would be Native American and that therefore they had to turn over their houses to him because the white man had burned the village where my maw-maw and paw-paw had their teepee, their whole attitude changed,” she continued. “I began to suspect I was a victim of discrimination when two security guards grabbed me under the arms and carried me off the premises, throwing the solar system mobile after me so that I lay sprawled in the parking lot tangled up in plush toy planets playing a tinkly tune.”
“That’s the way men of color with vaginas used to be treated in this country, so I dedicated my life to bringing about change for spectacularly privileged white women who chose to stay home with their children while their husbands supported them and then gamed their ways into elite universities by pretending to be oppressed minorities, and today it’s possible one of them could become president,” the Democratic frontrunner concluded.
CNN responded to Warren’s speech by staging a 17-hour town hall celebrating mentally ill parents who dress their white 6-year-old sons as Indian women so the boys can grow up to be tolerant adults who hang themselves.
Related: Warren 2011 Interview Casts Even More Doubt On Her ‘I Was Fired’ Story