The Ivy League ISIS Has Got It From Here, Dad!

Picture this: a father idles at the airport curb, his daughter beside him. Before she steps out into the next chapter — college, adulthood, the real world — he chokes out with tears brimming, “I’ll see you at Thanksgiving.” She smiles and thanks him for everything.

Then the honking starts.

A white Toyota pickup pulls up. AK-47s strapped to chests, masks on, beards long. “Dad, it’s just ISIS,” she says, tossing her luggage in the truck bed, climbing into the terror Toyota. “Death to America,” the ringleader whispers to Dad. She beams back compassionately. The squadron peels off, yodeling, cheering, and firing rounds into the sky.

“ISIS has got it from here, Dad.”

A Saturday Night Live sketch from 2015? Or a Tuesday on America’s most prestigious campuses?

Both.

Eleven years ago, the skit mocked moronic parents and willful idiots. It was satire then. It isn’t anymore.

Now it’s an accurate description of what’s unfolding on college campuses right now: young, liberal, mostly white, mostly female students, cheerfully indoctrinated into their own demise. And instead of shunning these people, we’re handing them megaphones and positions of power.

I know we’re all sick and tired of hearing about Abdul El-Sayed, the terror-sympathizing, Sharia-loving, Lenin-like Michigan Senate nominee, so let’s give the floor to his half-sister, Eman Abdelhadi. A radical artist (they’re all artists) and now-professor at the University of Chicago, she’s unironically living out the SNL sketch, minus the cuteness.

She was an anchor baby: born in Columbia, Missouri, to an Egyptian mother and Palestinian father, then flown straight back to the Middle East, where she grew up shuttling between Egypt and Saudi Arabia. When the family moved back to the States at age nine, she did the opposite of assimilate. Her household didn’t allow for English and was strictly revivalist Muslim; a movement built on returning to the Quran with an “all or nothing” reading of the faith.

Translation: Everything she lives, breathes, and dies by is wholly incompatible with Western civilization.

Her household, by her own account, was “rooted in anti-imperial ethics.” Which is a nicer way of saying they despised America. She said the Second Intifada inspired her first protest for Palestine; the period when Palestinians deliberately bombed, shot, and murdered Israeli civilians after Palestine walked away from a peace deal.

It takes five seconds of research to know she’s clearly on the wrong side of that argument. But I have a feeling she’s never spent the five seconds, and never will.

Because she views the world through the lens of backward victimhood. What do I mean? Well, she’s still mad at America for giving her family funny looks after 9/11, saying she “did not feel safe to leave the house for several weeks.”

Oh! I was in my mother’s womb when 19 al-Qaeda hijackers flew planes into American targets and killed 2,977 people…but on behalf of all of us colonizers, we’re deeply sorry that “revivalist Islamists” caught a few side-eyes in the aftermath. For your troubles, we promise to tear down every American institution, import the third world, and let it replace what’s left!

I’m being tongue-in-cheek. She is not. On social media, she’s said she wants “the whole world to rise against US empire,” hopes “all the empires fall,” called America “a pretty evil place that hates indigenous, Black, brown, trans, queer and poor people,” mocked people for “celebrat[ing] the transfer of stolen land from one colonizer to another. #July4th,” and says we can’t have nice things under settler colonialism — which is why she skips Thanksgiving.

She doesn’t just hate America. She hates white people, categorically. Some of her greatest hits: “The most offensive thing about the fascist demo is all the white ppl trying to dance. Smh.” “White Supremacy, historically, is the bloodiest ideology of terror that’s ever plagued this earth.” (It’s actually the Islamic conquests, but who’s counting.) And: “White people talking about entitlements, but apparently referencing people of color trying to survivve. Irony lost on all.” She spelled “survive” wrong. Some ironies write themselves.

She cheered the murder of innocents. On October 7, she called for a violent student uprising, writing: “Let Palestine break this country wide open. Long live the student intifada” (that’s violence against non-Muslims, which we are all too familiar with now), then posted a celebration video opening with “I wanna start by saying Allahu Akbar.”

Hm. Where have we heard that one before?

This gem of a woman was arrested in October 2025 and hit with two felony counts of aggravated battery on a government employee, plus two misdemeanor counts of resisting arrest, after spitting on an Illinois state trooper during a riot at an ICE facility outside Chicago.

Not great, Bob.

And she’s still on the University of Chicago payroll even after being caught on tape saying: “F*ck the University of Chicago, it’s evil, it’s a colonial landlord.” But she needs the colonial landlord, because though her movement has already convinced the American populace to be “sympathetic to Palestine,” she says they still lack power. And the university gives her the perfect platform to seize that power, “organize, and build.”

This is who your daughter meets and gets corrupted by when you ship your little bunny off to the $80,000-a-year institution to learn life skills. This is why she comes home for the “colonizing holiday” of Thanksgiving, having learned nothing except how to hate herself and her country, spitballing semantics that never add up to a coherent point.

My toxic trait is thinking that if I got one week with Abdelhadi, I could fix her. Take her to church, do her nails, wash her hair, get her outside to touch grass, sit her down with an elderly veteran, hand her a baby, take her to a football game, put her to work on a farm. I genuinely believe it would make this decrepit, vile dirtbag marginally less so.

So how does someone get this far gone in the first place?

Simple. We imported the third world, let them weaponize our empathy against us, funded their grievances, then handed the most radical exports among them the keys to our institutions. All while congratulating ourselves for our boundless compassion.

For decades, America flung open the doors to mass immigration from cultures that explicitly reject Western norms; revivalist Islam; anti-imperial grievance politics; the whole package. Then subsidized the universities, NGOs, and media ecosystems that turned those immigrants’ children into professional agitators. We funded the Middle East studies departments, the “decolonization” curricula, and the endless stream of soft-power grants that reframed jihadist violence as “resistance” and American success as original sin.

Meanwhile, the same people who demand we feel their pain after 9/11 weaponize that empathy right back at us: cry Islamophobia the second anyone notices the incompatibility, demand safe spaces while cheering “intifadas,” and accuse the host society of fascism for enforcing its own borders or laws. That is how you end up with a professor who grew up straddling Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Missouri, now collecting a six-figure salary at one of America’s elite universities to teach students that the country that gave her family asylum is an “evil empire” that must be broken open.

I think liberals are masochists. It’s the only theory that fits.

They didn’t just import people; they imported an ideology that treats our civilization as Satan incarnate. And now we’re supposed to act shocked that this new generation of idiots is cheering the murder of innocents and spitting on cops?

These elite, stuffy, highly educated theatre kids claim to have knowledge. But they lack wisdom, which is the ability to exercise good judgment. Why? Because they don’t fear the Lord. They only fear capitalism and white people. That’s the whole hierarchy.

So, oddly enough, SNL called it. Dad waves through tears. Daughter climbs into the white Toyota. The squadron zooms off, yodeling, firing into the air. Only this time, “ISIS” isn’t a punchline from 2015. It’s the faculty lounge, the student union, the tenured radical still drawing a paycheck while calling for the country to be broken wide open.

ISIS has got it from here, Dad.