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Wild Boars Trample ISIS Terrorists To Death

On Sunday, three ISIS militants were killed and five others were wounded after being attacked by wild boars in the Iraqi city of Kirkuk.

“The animals went on a rampage near a farmland in al-Rashad region, an Islamic State pocket 53 kilometers south of Kirkuk,” reports Iraqi News. “They attacked the militants and left three killed, according to the source.”

Sunday was supposed to be just your average day of boar-hunting and infidel-slaughtering. ISIS fighters were attempting to ambush the wild boars and kill them before they destroyed the cornfields nearby. However, the boars overwhelmed the religious warriors, killing three and injuring five others. “Daesh (Islamic State) militants took revenge at the pigs that attacked the farmland,” reports Alsumaria News, citing a source familiar with the incident. The source did not elaborate on the methods used to track down and slaughter the pigs.

The incident occurred in the battle-hardened area of northern Iraq, where Iraqi troops have been pounding away at ISIS strongholds. Since seizing power in 2014, the Islamic State has carried out summary executions of Iraqi civilians in Kirkuk on a regular basis.

While local tribesman have urged Baghdad to expedite operations to liberate Kirkuk from the claws of ISIS, the vast majority of military resources have been deployed to Mosul as part of an ongoing operation to root out the last remaining holdouts of ISIS resistance in what was once the terror group’s de facto capital in Iraq.

Thus, the stampede of wild boars did what the government would not do: carried out an attack against the Islamist warriors of the caliphate on behalf of their country. It’s unclear if these nimble navigators were in direct contact with Iraqi intelligence services; the Mother of All Boars has yet to comment on the targeted strike. So far, ISIS religious experts haven’t issued any fatwas against the boars and have yet to announce whether the terror group’s devout fighters will receive their 72 virgins given the swine-led massacre.

Nothing captures the essence of the Islamic State’s much deserved reckoning better than this charming nursery rhyme by Neil Gaiman:

This little piggy went to Hades

This little piggy stayed home

This little piggy ate raw and steaming human flesh

This little piggy violated virgins

And this little piggy clambered over a heap of dead bodies to get to the top

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