As Socialist Venezuela Burns, Socialists Say It’s Not The Socialism [Satire]


The following is satirical.

Socialist Venezuela is going up in flames, and as socialist tyrant Nicholas Maduro sends his socialist army to run socialist trucks over anti-government protesters, socialist Democrats here in America are saying that socialism has nothing to do with it.

At The New York Times, a former newspaper, socialist editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication the Third explained Venezuela’s collapse to a gathering of socialists over champagne and caviar at the Socialist Yacht Club on Park Avenue and 46th Street, saying, “The problem is, lads, they did the wrong socialism, doncha know. They did the sad socialism with breadlines and all that nasty oppression. What you want is to do the happy socialism with rainbows that shower chocolate caramels filled with magic money that pays for your health care. Then everything’s just peachy.”

Socialist Alexandria socialist Ocasio socialist Cortez streamed a video on Instagram during which she prepared socialist carrot rosettes on a bed of socialist marzipan while swigging a socialist Rombauer Chardonnay with enticing aromas of socialist vanilla. In the video she explained, “What the Venezuelans didn’t understand is that socialism only works when you move your hands around a lot and speak very passionately to people who know absolutely nothing about economics or history. It’s only when you start actually doing it in real life that you wind up roasting cats over a trash fire.”

Socialist actor Sean Penn, who supported socialist dictator Hugo Chavez who helped send socialist Venezuela on its socialist path into socialist bankruptcy and disorder, says he actually meant to support Hugo Boss, who made the great, great suit he’s wearing. In a statement released by his sobbing agent, Penn said, “At the time I supported Chavez, I was playing that retarded guy in I Am Sam and I guess I got a little too into the part, if you know what I mean.”

Socialist Bernie Sanders said he didn’t know what everyone was so upset about. Then he and his wife flew to Caracas for their second honeymoon.