In today’s wild and wacky world, the politically correct police have somehow connected the death of a peanut company’s mascot with the death of a basketball legend.
Planters created Mr. Peanut, the debonair legume who wears a top hat, a monocle, white gloves and spats, in 1916. The cane-carrying mascot once stood as a representative for the whole peanut industry, but in the 21st century, Planters has decided to kill off the icon.
Literally.
Instead of just letting him retire, Planters ordered up a commercial, set to air during the Super Bowl, that shows Mr. Peanut with actors Wesley Snipes and Matt Walsh (not The Daily Wire’s Matt Walsh) being ejected from the Nutmobile in a violent crash (the peanut vehicle does not appear to be very safe on the highway). All three are hanging on a tree branch when it begins to break. Snipes tells Walsh to let go, but he refuses. Then Snipes says, “Mr. Peanut, No you don’t. Don’t do it.”
But Mr. Peanut lets go of his cane and plunges into a canyon, landing on top of the Nutmobile. “Maybe he’ll be alright,” Snipes says. The Nutmobile then explodes into a massive fireball. “Maybe not,” Snipes says. It’s all very pleasant, and perfect for a family event like the Super Bowl.
Planters plans to show a follow-up commercial in the third quarter of the game that will feature Mr. Peanut’s funeral (we don’t know if it’s an open or closed casket).
Then the P.C. police showed up to decry “similarities” between the death of Mr. Peanut and the death of Kobe Bryant.
The plan to air the ad “will continue as planned, despite the ad’s similarities to the death of basketball legend Kobe Bryant, a Planters spokesman confirmed Monday,” The Washington Post reported. (Uh, Bryant died in a helicopter crash, Mr. Peanut in a Nutmobile crash. Also, Bryant was a human being, Mr. Peanut is a cartoon. But perhaps that’s splitting hairs.)
Planters felt compelled to release a statement about the death of the 104-year-old Peanut.
“We are saddened by this weekend’s news and Planters has paused campaign activities, including paid media, and will evaluate next steps through a lens of sensitivity to those impacted by this tragedy,” said a Planters spokesman. “At this point, the pause impacts only paid advertising (on channels like Twitter and YouTube), and some other outreach in the immediate wake of this tragedy. No change has been made to our plans for Super Bowl Sunday.”
“Ad Age first reported that the company was rethinking its marketing leading up to the Super Bowl,” the Post wrote. “A social media campaign had encouraged people to ‘pay your respects’ with the hashtag #RIPeanut, and Planters changed its Twitter handle to ‘The Estate of Mr. Peanut.'”
But at least some could separate the death of a basketball superstar from the death of a cartoon peanut. In a “Saturday Night Live” bit featuring President Trump lawyer Alan Dershowitz (played by comedian Jon Lovitz) being interviewed for Satan’s podcast in hell, a few others in hell come by to greet him: Convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, the musician who wrote the “Baby Shark” song, and Mr. Peanut.
“You ended up in hell?” a surprised Dershowitz asks Peanut.
“Well, I took out a lot of first-graders with peanut allergies,” says Mr. Peanut. “Plus, I never wore pants.”