The following is satirical.
There’s a new utterly astonishing bombshell of a devastating revelation in the impeachment trial of Donald Trump for whatever the hell he’s accused of doing. The explosion of the bombshell was so loud that many people watching the trial were nearly awakened by the noise and realized they’d dozed off and missed the end of “Blue Bloods.”
The bombshell came in the form of an unpublished memoir by a guy standing on the corner of Sixth Avenue wearing a raincoat and a fake moustache and swearing up and down he’s not James Comey in disguise but someone much more honest who can be totally trusted.
In his memoir, the man who isn’t Comey but trustworthy instead says he has video of Donald Trump grabbing Joe Biden by the ankles, turning him upside down and shaking him until millions of dollars in Russian rubles fell out of his pocket, some of which were being gripped in the hand of Hunter Biden, who also fell out of his father’s pocket, where he’d been living for the past fifteen months on a small salary of a hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars a week.
According to totally objective reporters at the Washington Post, where Democracy dies in darkness on account of being strangled by reporters at the Washington Post, the new video described in the unpublished memoir by the disguised man who says he is not James Comey is absolute proof positive that President Trump is completely and totally guilty of whatever they’re accusing him of this time.
Democrats immediately demanded that witnesses be called who would condemn President Trump and that no witnesses be called who would not condemn President Trump because that wouldn’t be fair. Republicans countered that Democrats should go away and stop bothering people because it’s just annoying.
Hillary Clinton, in Cannes to promote her new 27-hour documentary entitled “Why I Lost,” said this new bombshell was as jolting as the fifteenth glass of Chardonnay or maybe even the sixteenth — she couldn’t be sure until she finished drinking it.
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