The following is satirical.
Robert Mueller is testifying before the House Judiciary Committee today. Earlier this morning, a Volkswagen pulled into the Capitol rotunda and onlookers watched with delight and wonder as all 235 congressional Democrats poured out of the car until committee chairman Jerry Nadler finally emerged wearing a baggy polka dot outfit, gigantic shoes, white makeup and a fright wig and announced to reporters that he did not want the hearing to turn into some kind of circus.
In a statement made by honking his nose in Morse Code, Nadler announced, “We know that people have read the Mueller Report. We know that they’ve seen the movie. We know that they watched the mini-series, read the graphic novel and received excerpts we stuffed into their fortune cookies and printed on their rolls of toilet paper, but have they really had the information pumped directly into their brains through electric wires until they cry out in agony and promise never to vote for someone we elites dislike ever again?”
Nadler then was chased away from the microphones by Adam Schiff who squirted him with water from a gigantic flower then threw a confetti bomb at him thus eliciting squeals of laughter from every five-year-old present plus the freshman congresswoman from Queens.
Schiff then made elaborate faces through his pancake makeup and told reporters, “Before this hearing, I disgraced myself and shamed my constituents by leveling unsubstantiated charges against the president without any evidence whatsoever. And since every single one of those charges was proven untrue by Mueller’s investigation, I thought it important I return here today to disgrace myself and shame my constituents by leveling unsubstantiated charges against the president. Nyuk, nyuk. Get it?”
Schiff then amazed the crowd by balancing on a barrel and rolling around the rotunda while spinning a plate on a stick.
Democrats promise the hearing will astound and amaze ladies, gentlemen and boys and girls of all ages who will not believe how long a bunch of clowns can talk without solving a single problem that affects the lives of Americans.