Satire

Mean JD Vance Makes Germans Cry

That’s not nice. After all, the Germans are our allies when they’re not trying to lay waste to human civilization.

Andrew Klavan
Mean JD Vance Makes Germans Cry
Screenshot: YouTube.com

Now I know that many of you are feeling happy about the work the Trump administration has been doing so far. And I can understand that. They’ve accomplished some great things. They’ve rendered the lies of the news media as irrelevant as the maunderings of a mentally deranged man wandering the sidewalks shouting his paranoid delusions into the empty air until suddenly you think to yourself, ”Oh hey, look, that’s Brain Stelter.” They’ve protected girls from hulking predators who think they’re women instead of what they are, which is hulking predators who think they’re women instead of what they are. They’ve begun to ferret out government waste and fraud causing Democrats to pour into the streets crying “Give us back our waste and fraud!” which is even funnier to watch than that time Joe Biden fell down a flight of stairs and the news media told us this was the best and sharpest Joe Biden ever, which might have actually been true, which is part of what made it so funny, but still not as funny as watching Democrats protest the end of waste and fraud. Just in general, the Trump administration has fought back against the vast leftist conspiracy to dismantle western freedoms, so leftists can get back to doing fun leftist things, like in the sixties when they sang rock songs and used drugs and celebrated free sex until they realized, “Oh no, we’re in the Manson cult.” Those were the good old days, for leftists.

And yes, many of Trump’s actions have made ordinary Americans watch the news at night and then dance around their bedrooms in their underwear as if they were in some Chippendale revival of Riverdance or an underwear version of some big Broadway musical production number where everyone forms a kickline and sings about the brotherhood of man until your wife tells you knock it off and come to bed before you wake up the kids and anyway you look like an idiot.

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