The following is satirical.
The New York Times, a former newspaper, has sent a cracked reporter to discover what on earth is wrong with this country — and it turns out it’s white women! I know, right? Who would have guessed? You might have thought our biggest problem was unemployment, but Donald Trump fixed that, or ISIS, but Donald Trump fixed that, or unconstitutional looney tunes taking charge of our government and replacing the structures meant to protect our liberty with racist left-wing diktats guaranteed to plunge us all into oppression and poverty, but Donald Trump fixed that too.
So what’s left? Yep, it’s those white girls. Alexis Grennell has studied these exotic creatures carefully by actually being one of them for many years, and she writes —and my hand to God I am not making this quote up: “After a confirmation process where women all but slit their wrists, letting their stories of sexual trauma run like rivers of blood through the Capitol, the Senate still voted to confirm Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. The women who voted for him are gender traitors … We’re talking about white women. The same 53 percent who put their racial privilege ahead of their second-class gender status in 2016 by voting to uphold a system that values only their whiteness.”
I could quote more, but that would be like allowing the Times to write my hilarious satire for me. Which would be wrong.
But darn it, they’re so funny, I just can’t help it. Here’s some more, in which Sweet Little Alexis tells us how she felt about Senator Susan Collins’ speech in support of Kavanaugh: “Senator Collins subjected us to a slow funeral dirge about due process and some other nonsense I couldn’t even hear through my rage headache.”
That’s right. Alexis has a headache so we have to get rid of due process.
“Hey, Alexis, how about preserving American freedoms by upholding the Constitution?”
“Not tonight, dear, I have a headache.”
I guess she has a point about white women. Some of those dames are just plain nuts.