Fulminating on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” on Monday night, Jimmy Kimmel offered his own elegant views regarding President Trump’s tweet in which he wrote that he had the capacity to pardon himself, saying of the president, “Is it possible he thinks pardon myself is another way to say masturbate?”
Kimmel started his rant with this:
The president also weighed in today on the subject of his omnipotence. His lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, has been going around claiming that the president has the power to pardon himself. In other words, he could commit a crime and absolve himself from any punishment for the crime.
And it turns out the president agrees with that assessment. He wrote, “As has been stated by numerous legal scholars” that he saw on Fox News, “I have the absolute right to pardon myself. But why would I do that when I have done nothing wrong?”
Kimmel continued, “Is it possible he thinks pardon myself is another way to say masturbate? Because otherwise — can you imagine how Donald Trump would have reacted if Barack Obama said he had the right to pardon himself? That shelf of hair on his head would pop open like a hatch and a little Trumpelstiltskin would jump out in a fit of rage. His beady little eyes would bulge out of it until they burst like two gerbils in a microwave. Spinning and screaming until they turned bright purple with rage and stomped a chicken bucket-sized hole in the president’s head. That’s how it would go if Obama said he could pardon himself.”
Kimmel concluded, “Don says he can do it; he’s allowed to pardon himself, which is definitely the kind of thing people who are not guilty say.”