On Tuesday night, Jimmy Kimmel presented a skit in which he conversed with God (played by Billy Crystal) and Satan (played by Dave Grohl) to decide whether Ted Cruz should go to Hell.
Ultimately, Crystal and Grohl played “rock, paper, scissors” to determine Cruz’s fate, as neither of them wanted him, and Crystal issued some insults directed at Cruz.
Cruz fired back on Twitter, writing, “Really getting into the Christmas spirit, Jimmy Kimmel just aired a skit with ‘God & Satan’ arguing and eventually deciding that I should go to Hell. It’s almost as if Jimmy’s feelings are still hurt that I kicked his ass at hoops.”
The segment began with Kimmel discussing an exhibit currently on display in the Illinois state capitol in Springfield that came from the Satanic Temple of Chicago. The statue, called the “Snaketivity,” displays a woman’s arm, with a snake curled around it, while the arm holds an apple aloft, to represent the Biblical tale of Eve and the serpent.
Kimmel stated, “When things like this happen, I go directly to the top; I don’t mess around, and in this case, that is God, so, God, are you there?”
The screen behind Kimmel then showed Crystal as God, prompting a conversation. After some bantering back and forth about Chicago not being the capital of Illinois, Kimmel asked Crystal if he wanted the statue removed from the building. Crystal replied, “Removed? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’m fine with it. Me and Satan, we’re cool.”
Kimmel asked, “What do you mean, you and Satan are cool?”
Crystal: “We made up.” Crystal then called Grohl, dressed as Satan, to join him. Crystal said he and Satan occasionally had brunch together, prompting Grohl to remark, ”And then we figure out who goes where.”
Crystal: “Yeah, yeah. That’s our big game. Who goes where.” He turned to Grohl, saying, “So, uh, which one of us is gonna get Ted Cruz?” They both made faces; Grohl suggested, “Rock, paper, scissors?” Crystal won, then chortled, “Rock, paper, scissors; he’s all yours!” Grohl countered, “Wait, you won! He’s all yours!”
Crystal: ”No, no, I don’t want him.” Turning to Kimmel, he continued, “Jimmy, that face? For eternity? Ew.” Grohl, protesting. “I don’t want him either! I don’t want him either!” Crystal: “Tough luck, buddy, I won!”
Kimmel thanked them, saying, “Have a Merry Christmas.”
Kimmel has mocked Cruz for some time; in September 2017, after Cruz’s Twitter account mistakenly “liked” a porn image, Kimmel tweeted, “Well done @ TedCruz using the power of ‘like’ to illustrate the evils of porn.”
Cruz got even, though; in June 2018, after Kimmel joked that Cruz resembled a blobfish, as the Houston Chronicle reported. Cruz challenged Kimmel to one-on-one in basketball for charity and beat him, 11-9. As The Daily Wire reported, “Originally, the game was supposed to be a first-to-fifteen points contest, but after an hour of dribbling, missed shots, and air-balls, the pair of contenders agreed that the game would be won by the first man to reach 11 points, with a two-point lead over their opponent.”
Video of Kimmel, Crystal and Grohl below: