Iranian Leaders: We Have The Americans Exactly Where We Want Them

According to the New York Times, a former newspaper, American forces are in deep trouble in Iran as the wily Iranians continue to attack our bombs with their leaders. According to the Times Middle East Bureau Chief, Omar Jihad Mohammed Jihad Jihad Mohammed, wave after wave of American bomb and missile attacks have been repelled by an Iron Dome of Iranian leaders, so that the weapons explode harmlessly against their bodies, destroying nothing but the Iranian Army, Air Force, Navy, missiles, drones, radar and, of course, the Iranian leaders, who are more than willing to sacrifice their lives to protect those Iranian people they haven’t yet murdered themselves.

In an exclusive interview at an undisclosed location, the New York Times’s Middle East reporter Omar Jihad Mohammed Fatwa Mohammed interviewed Iran’s Chief of Police Fatwa Mohammed Jihad Omar Mamdani, who said, “We have the Americans exactly where we want them since…” and while he was unable to finish his sentence because he was assassinated by Israeli Defense Forces, he was immediately replaced by his younger subordinate Allahu Akbar Mohammed Tucker Jihad Jihad Mohammed, who said, “As my predecessor was about to explain…” but he was unable to finish his sentence because he was assassinated by Israeli Defense Forces.