The following is satirical.
A congressional impeachment hearing devolved into silent nothingness yesterday when Democrats suddenly realized they were engaged in a meaningless charade and became paralyzed by existential despair. The hearing ended after Jerry Nadler, Chairman of the House Committee on Meaningless Charades and the Resulting Existential Despair, suddenly fell silent and began to stare glassy-eyed into the distance while a single tear rolled slowly down his cheek.
Nadler had been interrogating former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski when apparently a revelation came to him. In a statement to a collection of lawn gnomes he mistook for a Nadler family reunion, the congressman said, “I was just sitting there trying to think of some useless collection of non sequiturs to throw at this guy who couldn’t possibly know anything about anything of importance, and all at once, I found myself thinking, ‘Is this my life? Is this really my life?’ I began to remember how as a child I dreamed of doing heroic deeds and leaving a mark on history and here I was now, a fat, ugly little man wasting the American people’s time and money with an elaborate kabuki show that couldn’t possibly have any useful outcome. A pit of darkness seemed to open at my very core as I realized I had squandered the precious time given to me on an exercise in deception and futility.”
Nadler then broke out in an off-key rendition of “What Kind of Fool Am I?” until he was carried out of the capitol by a pair of security guards because, let’s face it, he’s no Sammy Davis Jr.
As Nadler was taken away, he shouted orders to subpoena a Tibetan monk so he could question him about the meaning of life, while several other Democrats began howling at the ceiling, driven mad by the frustrating absurdity of constantly investigating a president who hasn’t done anything wrong even though they hate, hate, hate him.
So basically, it was another average day in the House of Representatives.
Related: ‘PRESIDENT SWALWELL’: Lewandowski Mocks Swalwell During Hearing