The following is satirical.
Hillary Clinton has endorsed Joe Biden for president. The woman who came this close to winning the presidency herself after a lifetime of sacrificing her principles, her reputation, her personal happiness and indeed her immortal soul to win that high office, and then fell just short so that she was plunged into a whirlpooling inner darkness of endless excuses and recriminations disguising an all-consuming personal hell of self-blame while she tried to ignore the specter of a wasted and essentially empty life in which she traded away the things that really matter for a grasp at ephemeral power and always-elusive fame…
I forgot where this sentence was going.
But anyway, Hillary Clinton has endorsed Joe Biden for president.
In a statement broadcast live from the bottom of a bottle of Chardonnay, the former Secretary of State and human being said, “Joe Biden is a man who blows with the political winds and says anything he has to in order to get elected to the office he wants all the while serially abusing women — and it turns out that’s just the sort of guy I go for. Man oh man, a lot of people say I’m the kind of smart woman who just makes stupid choices when it comes to men and ain’t that the truth. I supported Bill all those years, trying to maintain a thin façade of dignity while that soulless opportunist humiliated me again and again with any pile of big hair wearing a skirt and heels, and now, what do you know, here I am again, throwing away even the last wispy vestiges of my self-respect to endorse almost exactly the same person except stupid. You’d think one of these days I’d learn it isn’t worth it, but I’m just a girl who can’t say no to a guy who doesn’t need to hear yes.”
When asked if descriptions of what Biden did to Tara Reade reminded her of what Bill Clinton did to Monica Lewinsky, Mrs. Clinton responded: “Close. But no cigar.”
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