Harvard Ends 24-Hour Search For Replacement President
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Satire

Harvard Ends 24-Hour Search For Replacement President

Andrew Klavan

Harvard University has announced that university president Claudine Gay will not resign her position because even though she’s an untalented, small-minded, plagiarizing, vengeful, and conniving anti-Semite, she’s black, so that’s okay. Black Miss Gay came under fire after her recent testimony to Congress when she gave the wrong question to the answer, “Hey, let’s slaughter the Jews,” by saying “What is freedom of speech?” She then chose “Toxic Philosophies” for 200 when the only category left was 80’s Rom Coms, then bet all her winnings on Final Jeopardy and was forced to leave her answer blank when the category turned out to be “Useful Information.” 

Miss Gay, who is black, also became the center of controversy when journalist Chris Rufo revealed that lengthy segments of her PhD Thesis had been copied from other works, like “Mein Kampf” and “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion,” thus violating Harvard’s anti-plagiarism policies.

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