Presidential Candidate Kamala Harris has selected Mostly Peaceful Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as her running mate. Mostly Peaceful Walz won the spot after Kamala rejected Pennsylvania Governor Joshua Shapiro. The rejection of Shapiro was not due to anti-Semitism according to DNC Spokesman Mohammed Akhbar Jihad Mohammed Jihad Akhbar. Akhbar said Kamala was just worried Shapiro might be mistaken for a Jew by Democrats and other people who don’t like Jews.
Shapiro had tried to circumvent the issue by changing his name to O’Connor and publicly eating a ham and cheese sandwich but his efforts failed when Democrat operatives discovered an op-ed he had written in college in which he said a Palestine-Israel two state solution might be difficult since everyone in Palestine has sworn to murder everyone in Israel. Between bites of his ham and cheese sandwich, Governor O’Connor apologized for the op-ed, saying he had written it when he was young and still believed honesty was the best policy. He also apologized for serving in the Israeli Defense Forces under the mistaken impression IDF stood for International Disney Funhouse, and he apologized for praying in Hebrew saying he could have sworn it was Latin. But after much thoughtful deliberation, Democrats still felt there was just something a little Jewy about the guy, and sent him home, saying his integrity would be returned to him at a later date, if they could find it.
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