Hollywood can’t stop woke-ifying beloved franchises.
Think “Star Wars,” the “Terminator” saga, “Charlie’s Angels,” the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and more. And, in many cases, these franchises have emerged much wobblier.
Yet, the family pulling 007’s strings have resisted that progressive siren song. As a result, the James Bond franchise — which began in 1962 with “Dr. No.” — remains one of Hollywood’s oldest and most respected. For now.
Bond’s long time producers, the Broccoli family, recently suggested to Variety the next 007 will be … different. Barbara Broccoli gave a hint of how the British Super Spy, that began in 1962 with “Dr. No.” may ‘evolve’ going forward.
“Bond is evolving just as men are evolving. I don’t know who’s evolving at a faster pace.”
That sound you hear is Ian Fleming spinning in his grave.
Daniel Craig’s Bond fell in love and embraced monogamy before his death in “No Time to Die,” his fifth and final entry as Bond. Craig’s hero still killed without mercy and risked his life over and again.
What’s next for an ‘evolved’ Bond?
Production on any new Bond adventure is at least two years away, Broccoli says, and her team haven’t given clues as to who might don the classic Bond tuxedo next. As their search continues, here’s a sneak peek at what Bond fanatics might see in the years to come, should Hollywood’s woke revolution swamp the series.
Just … Moneypenny, Thank You
James Bond loves flirting with this franchise regular, but don’t expect anything of the sort moving forward. The long-running character will be played by a trans actress next time ‘round, but the new Bond won’t be allowed to so much as glance in her direction.
The male gaze can be even deadlier than a Bond villain.
Moneypenny 2.0 will also get her hands dirty in the spy business, saving Bond’s life a time or two before the end credits roll.
Bond typically fights megalomaniacs in search of global domination or fiendish killers with crazy nicknames like ‘Jaws.’ The next Bond villain, however, will be cut from a different cloth.
He might be an industrialist whose schemes expand the chasm between the Haves and Have Nots. Or, she could plot to kill a rising socialist star eager to pave a new way for the country in question.
Either way, the new Bond won’t need any gadgets moving forward. An enduring belief in equity will be all the weaponry he needs.
The James Bond’s Apology Tour
James Bond always saves the day, which often requires retiring the Bond villain du jour — permanently.
But what about the supervillain’s immediate family? They haven’t sold their souls for global domination. They may not even be aware of their relative’s ghastly schemes. Enter the new, enlightened Bond. He’ll publicly pressure M, his stoic boss, to offer condolences to the next-of-kin along with reparations for any financial difficulties they face after their supervillain family member’s demise.
A cookie bouquet will also make a brief, on-screen appearance over the closing credits to show there’s no hard feelings from the super-spy.
The First “Bond Boy”
The Bond Girl concept is now verboten. The female stars of “No Time to Die” said as much, as did “Die” director Cary Fukunaga, who demanded the women in that film have “equity.”
Enter the Bond Boy. He’ll be buff and beautiful, and he’ll definitely catch 007’s eye.
The new supporting character won’t be romancing Mr. Bond, but the sexual chemistry will be obvious. The Broccoli family leaves room open for a same-sex romance, but vows it’ll wait for the second film in the reinvented series, at the earliest.
Neither Shaken Nor Stirred
Bond’s drinking predilection is a small, but memorable part of his brand. It’s also a chronic advertisement for alcohol that makes a dangerous impression on young viewers.
The next Bond will be a teetotaler, and he’ll nurse a club soda if the story finds him hanging at the bar.
Saving the world may do wonders for your self-esteem, but being a professional assassin leaves emotional scars. The new Bond will enter therapy, a la Tony Soprano, with his therapist becoming a recurring character.
Female, of course.
Carbon Neutral Wheels
The 007 franchise revels in state-of-the-art vehicles. Think the BMW Z8, the Aston Martin DB5, and the Lotus Esprit S1. Those gas guzzlers are a poor fit for a modern-day Bond. He must set an example, and he’ll need a fully electric car to do just that.
If it means the world goes south while he’s waiting for a recharge, so be it.
Sean Connery made the simple act of saying James Bond’s name an iconic part of the brand.
“Bond. James Bond.”
That’s about to change.
Super-fans may assume Bond’s gender, but for many people, the next Bond outing will be their first time meeting the British spy. So introductions are in order, and they better be inclusive.
Whoever gets the plum 007 gig will have to share an updated line — “Bond, James Bond. He/him.”
Christian Toto is an award-winning journalist, movie critic and editor of HollywoodInToto.com. He previously served as associate editor with Breitbart News’ Big Hollywood. Follow him at @HollywoodInToto.
The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.