As we all know, in last November’s presidential election, Donald Trump defeated what’s-her-name and left Democrats trailing Republicans in popularity by a margin of approximately everybody to nothing. Now, Democrats are trying to find a new way forward that does not involve finding a new way forward. Democrat National Committee Chairman Mao Tse Muhammed Jihad Vladimir Muhammed Allahu Akbar Stalin Jihad Mohammed recently addressed the subject in a speech entitled “How Can They Hate Us When We’re So Hep?” The Speech was delivered to the annual meeting of the Future Illegal Alien Terrorists Who Hate America of America, or the FIATWHA – and then another A. Mr. Jihad, who goes by the name of Miss Jihad and uses the pronouns He and Be, as in the sentence “He be giving me the heebee geebees,” told the gathering, “It’s time to face up to the truth. We Democrats instigated fatal riots and then pretended they weren’t happening, we opened our borders to criminals and terrorists and pretended that wasn’t happening, we sexually mutilated children in the name of a perverted fantasy, we censored anyone who disagreed with us and tried to put our political opponents in jail, and we acted with such weakness and incompetence overseas that it inspired our enemies to begin wars in both Europe and the Middle East. Now we must ask ourselves, since we’re doing everything perfectly according to plan, why the hell doesn’t the public love us like they should?”
In an attempt to refresh the party’s image, the Democrats have turned to 83-year-old Senator Bernie Sanders, a man who lived through the Communist gulags of Russia, the Communist enslavement of Eastern Europe, the Communist slaughter in China, and the Communist genocide in Cambodia without once changing his opinion that Communism works great, especially in Norway, where they don’t have it. Sanders has been declared the new face of the Democrat party and has been teamed up with Alexandria Ocasio Cortez who has been declared the new rack of the Democrat party. Asked about this arrangement, Sheldon Whitehouse, the Junior Senator from the State of Unbelievable Corruption, said “With Bernie Sanders as our new face and AOC as our new rack we will have a hideous old face with a great rack and that’s a winning combination because when you have a great rack, no one looks at your face.”

Democrats Turn To 83-Year-Old Communist Bernie Sanders For Image Makeover

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The Strait of Hormuz officially opens for business (kind of), the Pope makes “shocking” comments on immigration, and President Trump promises UFO disclosure at TPUSA. 


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Ep. 1275 - Dumb, Dumber and Progressive

President Trump announces a 10-day ceasefire between Lebanon and Israel, a murder-suicide involving former Democratic Lieutenant Governor Justin Fairfax shakes Virginia, and France and Britain hold a conference to secure the Strait of Hormuz – after the Iranian conflict ends. Get the facts first with Morning Wire.

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Ep. 2738

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U.S. Expands Hormuz Blockade & VA Fairfax Deaths Investigated | 4.17.26

U.S. Expands Hormuz Blockade & VA Fairfax Deaths Investigated | 4.17.26 [Member Exclusive]

A ceasefire goes into effect between Israel and Lebanon, a tragic murder-suicide rocks Virginia, and Dairy Queen deploys AI in the drive-thru. Get the facts first with Evening Wire.
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Ep. 2737
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Evening Wire: Lebanon Ceasefire Begins & Murder-Suicide Rocks VA | 4.16.26

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Democrats Turn To 83-Year-Old Communist Bernie Sanders For Image Makeover