The following is satirical, if by satirical you mean exposing the Democrats’ propensity for throwing cash at useless garbage then lighting it all on fire in a fit of demoniacal jubilation.
Senators continue to debate a new relief bill to deal with fallout from the Chinese Flu, or Wuflu, or Kung Flu, or Flu Manchu, or Chinese Act of Bacteriological Warfare, or as they call it in Hollywood, “Thank You For The Covid 19, Mr. Producer Sir.”
The Republicans are offering a bill that would provide stimulus for damaged businesses and allow workers to return to their jobs.
The Democrats, conversely, are proposing a bill that would pay each worker two thousand dollars more than his highest salary to stay home in order to prevent anyone from going to work and recovering his dignity as a human being when they haven’t even finished watching the entire catalogue of videos on Porn Hub.
The Democrats then propose to gather up all the make-believe trillions of dollars they’ve been spending on useless garbage for the last 27 years, set it on fire, and use the flames to burn down every city in the country while blaming it on the evil principle of whiteness that has stifled the hopes and dreams of every black man in their imaginations.
The Democrat bill would further impose an indefinite moratorium on singing in church, praying at home, yearning for human freedom, experiencing individual joy and anything else that gets in the way of the government’s complete control of every corner of the known universe.
In a speech made while hanging upside down from the Capitol rotunda, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer demanded that Republicans add a measure to the relief bill that would defund all police protection across the country so that mostly peaceful murderers, rioters and looters might exercise their First Amendment right to drive the nation into chaos and destruction.
With that said, Schumer spread two leathery wings, erupted into white-hot flame and flew out the window accompanied by enormous bats with the faces of shrieking women before they all vanished in a green explosion of sulphuric smoke.
Republicans said they would consider Schumer’s proposal and seek to reach a compromise bill.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: ‘Trader Joe’s’ Agrees To Change Its Name To ‘Trader Cowardly Eunuch With Zero Integrity’