Democrats Decry Attempt To Distract The Public From Their Attempts To Distract The Public [Satire]

The following is satirical.

Democrats are furious that new revelations about Obamagate are distracting the public from their attempts to distract the public from Obamagate.

The Democrats are pushing the conspiracy theory that this is a conspiracy theory which is getting in the way of their conspiracy to hide the Obamagate conspiracy.

Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer spoke to the press from the center of a flaming pentagram, saying, “It is an outrageous wrongdoing that documents exposing our outrageous wrongdoing should be released to the public when all our efforts should be focused on the urgent business of pretending we’re honest people. Instead, the Republicans want to divert the public’s attention from President Trump’s deplorable behavior in revealing our deplorable behavior. I cannot believe Trump has sunk so low that he actually reached the level where he could see what we’ve been up to.”

On CNN, Brian Stelter said he was so upset by the latest Obamagate revelations, he had to go to bed for a good cry, although he felt much better after a talk with his dolly, who can call for her Mommy and wet herself, or maybe that’s Stelter, it’s hard to tell them apart.

Stelter said, “I am very disappointed that Republicans are becoming obsessed with this meaningless Russia case we were obsessed with. We will not allow ourselves to be dragged back into the lies and distortions of the past when we have moved on to an entirely new set of lies and distortions.”

Presumptive former Democrat presidential nominee Joe Biden, who said he knew nothing about Obamagate, then said he knew about Obama but not the gate, now says he knew about the gate but never met Obama, who seems like a really dishonest guy.

Biden said, “The first thing is that this is a total distraction and that’s the second thing, and the third thing is, oh, look, I can blow a bubble with my magic bubble wand.”

More satire from Andrew Klavan: Democrats Propose 70 Vermillion Dollars Worth Of Gibbering Non Sequiturs