Democrats have been trying to come up with a fresh, original way to express their political positions and this week they finally found one: a sit-in! An idea so fresh and original, no one has thought of it since 1968, when leftism was still cool — because everyone was taking hallucinogens, so not only was leftism cool but there was also a giant pink rat eating your feet while you screamed for mercy.
The twelve hour sit-in on the steps of the Capitol came on the heels of an eight hour sleep-in where individual protestors expressed their views by lying unconscious on their beds at home for an entire night, followed by a 45 minute eat-in where the group gathered at various coffee shops and restaurants to defiantly drink coffee and eat some eggs and bacon with buttered toast and maybe a touch of strawberry jam. They then proceeded to the Capitol steps and, in a stunningly brave statement of opposition to something or other, actually sat down and continued sitting, in a way that would have made it very difficult for people to walk up the Capitol steps if they hadn’t been on their way to Michigan for the Trump rally.
The event was intended to inspire more support for Democrat policies like allowing gangster illegals to remain in our country, cutting the testicles off little boys so their mentally ill parents can pretend they’re girls, reading perverse pornography to kindergartners in public schools, and destroying our energy supplies and replacing them with gigantic windmills so that when China takes us over, they won’t have any electricity either.
To raise the inspiration level to even greater heights, the sit-in included a homosexual rabbi who led a sing-along while everyone around him joined in by averting their eyes and pretending they were someplace else where something different was happening.
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After the sing-along, Cory Booker, the Senator from the state of completely ridiculous, made a speech to the imaginary multitude who would have been there had they not been on their way to Michigan. Booker said: “First of all, I want to thank the rabbi for violating every Old Testament precept to show his support for homosexuality today. It takes tremendous courage for a Jewish man to stand up in opposition to the law God gave to Moses since in the past that has never worked out very well. Even now, there’s a man with a ‘Free Palestine’ sign sitting right behind him so things are not looking good because, as we all know, the Palestinians would happily behead the homosexual rabbi and everyone he loves given half a chance. And so thank you for your courage, homosexual rabbi, and I say this even though I myself am not at all homosexual. In fact, I have a girlfriend in Canada where I sometimes visit her to have sex in a very manly male to female way that it is not homosexual at all. Because I am Spartacus, or at least I enjoy wearing a short leather skirt and prancing around without my shirt on, which amounts to the same thing in my book, a book that should be read to every five-year-old in public schools across this country so we can begin to change our culture until I don’t have to live this lie anymore. But in the meantime, let me just say: This is a moral moment. And no, I don’t know what that means exactly either, but it makes me sound very strong and masculine, so I guess it’s sort of like having a girlfriend in Canada. And in a moral moment like this moral moment, it is time for everyone to sit down like we’re doing here today and then continue sitting down until we have been sitting down for a very long time. That will surely improve the messaging for our insane and evil policies.”
After Booker’s stirring speech, the sit-in continued for another half hour, during which President Trump deported more gangsters, killed more terrorists, brought down prices, isolated China, ended government censorship, dismantled racialist hiring practices, protected women’s sports and lifted an ABC anchorman by the ankles then dipped his head in tar. But the sit-in was important too.
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This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan
Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fourth installment, “A Woman Underground.” His most recent nonfiction release is “The Kingdom of Cain: Finding God in the Literature of Darkness.” (May 2025, Zondervan/HarperCollins).
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