The following is satirical. Warning: Real quotes from CNN below.
CNN has published an article about everyday words and phrases that might be misconstrued as racist by CNN.
The one-time leader in cable news and current punchline to the old joke: “What starts with C and ends with N and is dishonest?” issued the article in the hopes of filling the space between two other articles, one entitled “I Hate Trump So Much I Think I Gave Myself a Hernia,” and the other a public service featurette on how to tell the difference between Jim Acosta and a lawn gnome.
The article starts off by pointing out the tragic link to slavery in the phrase “Master Bedroom.”
And yes, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Klavan, you incorrigible rapscallion, we know you regard CNN as a steaming pile of CNN, but that’s no reason to make up stories that are even stupider than the stories on CNN.”
But no. This is absolutely true.
The article says of the term master bedrooms — and this is real quote — “While it’s unclear whether the term is rooted in American slavery on plantations, it evokes that history.”
Now you may laugh while rolling over and over on the floor, clutching your stomach and shouting, “Ma, come in here and look at how stupid CNN is.” But who can deny that when one thinks of the phrase master bedroom, one can’t help but imagine the miserable rows of enslaved bedrooms singing bedroom spirituals as they labor tirelessly in the bedroom fields?
CNN also cites the terms blacklist and white list, saying, in another real quote, “Though the origins of those terms don’t appear to be directly connected to race, some argue that they reinforce notions that black=bad and white=good.”
After reading the phrase “some argue,” we at The Daily Wire actually went in search of someone who would make this argument.
The hunt ended at a small patch of grass outside the CNN building, where we encountered a lawn gnome. Or possibly Jim Acosta.
More satire from Andrew Klavan: Leftists Pledge To Propose New Police Reforms Until Country Is Laid Waste