The following is satirical.
Many of you may have noticed an annoying grinding sound going on and on in the background and yes, the impeachment hearings are still underway. According to CBS News, the latest testimony was a bombshell, although according to ABC it was really more of a bombshell, though on NBC they felt it was either a bombshell or possibly the shell of a bomb.
The bombshell testimony that was a bombshell came from Gordon Sondland who used to do something or other before he did something else. Sondland’s explosive bombshell was that he kind of assumed everyone thought that it was pretty much suspected that President Donald Trump wanted Ukraine to investigate corruption that might have involved Joe Biden and that someone heard a lot of people were saying that Rudy Giuliani told a guy that the president wanted a quid pro quo which is Latin for something.
The amazing bombshell continued when Sondland testified that he called the president on the phone and asked him if he really did want a quid pro quo from Ukraine and Trump said no. So that was a very explosive bombshell that exploded bombshell-like during the hearings which were bombshellian in the extreme.
There were several casualties when the bombshell exploded, including the idea that Trump was asking Ukraine for a quid pro quo. Also the idea Trump committed an impeachable offense was killed, likewise the notion that these hearings were anything besides a corrupt waste of the public’s time and money. The bombshell also destroyed that weirdly effeminate smirk on the face of Adam Schiff, which is probably just as well.
According to Norah O’Donnell at CBS, the bombshell was so explosive it was devastating, while according to NBC Anchorman Lester Holt it was so devastating it was explosive, while according to ABC Anchorman George Stephanopoulos anything was better than finding out who killed the Jeffrey Epstein story not to mention Jeffrey Epstein.
The impeachment hearings will continue with more devastating bombshells that won’t mean anything either.
Related: Impeachment ‘Is Now Over’: Trump Highlights Key Testimony That Strikes At Heart Of Dems’ Case