Anonymous Sources Confirm Anonymous Sources Saying Anonymous Sources Don’t Like Donald Trump [Satire]

   DailyWire.com
Country singer/songwriter Johnny Cash performs onstage with an acoustic guitar in Sun Records publicity shot in 1957. (Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)
Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Four separate anonymous sources have told The Atlantic magazine that Donald Trump killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Though some have protested that a story based entirely on anonymous sources is inherently not a work of journalism, The Atlantic says the four anonymous sources have been confirmed by three other anonymous sources although some of them may be the same sources. It’s hard to tell because they’re anonymous.

Never Trumper Bill Kristol, editor of the commentary website called the Remnant Behind the Bulwark Behind the Ramparts Amidst the Ruins of Bill Kristol’s Credibility, says that while the Atlantic story should not have been published because it was completely without value, he absolutely believes every word of it, because killing a man just to watch him die is exactly the sort of thing Donald Trump would do in Bill Kristol’s imagination after Bill has had a couple of drinks while listening to his favorite Johnny Cash album.

On Fox News, correspondent Jennifer Griffin says her anonymous sources confirmed the anonymous sources who confirmed the anonymous sources at The Atlantic, saying that while Trump has never been in Reno and never killed a man, the bulk of the Atlantic article was otherwise completely correct.

Joe Biden immediately made a campaign stop in Reno where he faced a barrage of tough questions from an Atlantic reporter, who asked, “How bad is it that Trump killed a man in Reno to watch him die, and aren’t you a much nicer person?”

Biden answered that whatever they were talking about was very bad, and that’s why he had come here, wherever it was.

Like the story about Trump saying there were good people among the white supremacists at Charlottesville and the story that Trump called American war heroes suckers, the story of Trump killing a man in Reno was immediately treated by the left as Gospel truth, in the sense that they don’t believe the Gospel either but are willing to cite it if it gives them some political advantage.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: Washington Post: Vote For Biden Or We’ll Kill You

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