Democrats have hired a consultant in reputational restoration to help them bring their party back from the political wilderness into which it was recently tossed like an empty Big Gulp cup thrown from the window of a speeding 1987 Chevy Camaro.
The reputational restoration expert is named Vladimir Impalier. His pronouns are woo and hoo, and woo identifies as a Questioning Nonbinary Demigirl with sidelines in interior design and sensual massage. Le Grand Impalier, as he’s known to his friend, was most recently employed to engineer Meghan Markle’s comeback, as well as to secure the Kansas City Chief’s legacy with a third straight Super Bowl win, which he arranged by replacing the Chief’s offensive line with store mannequins so there’d be more men free to serve as downfield receivers for the late Patrick Mahomes.
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