Coming off a week of gun coverage that was bizarrely fascinating at best, and completely dishonest and intentionally misleading at worst, CNN has decided to use its panel time at South by South West Interactive festival to tout its commitment to complete veracity in its reporting, embracing it's "#FactsFirst" mantra with an apple-themed blowout starring David Axelrod and an "apple old fashioned."
In an email to SXSW attendees this morning, CNN outlined its grand apple-themed plan.
Let's unpack this, shall we?
The network that has spent the last week (if not longer) telling half-truths and outright lies about gun policies and guns themselves, and, just for good measure, giving embarrassing tutorials on how to hold and shoot an AR-15, is so enamored with its own honesty, it's taking an entire Austin restaurant and turning it into a Red Delicious nightmare (and they're also serving Red Delicious, the blandest of apples).
As guests enter Market, they'll be confronted with a two-story wall of apples. They will then be fed apples. After which, they will be pushed, Willy Wonka-style, into a faux apple orchard, where they will be plied with alcohol and forced to listen to a lineup of CNN's best and brightest — including, but not limited to, a man who hosts a show called "Reliable Sources," but who has spent much of his time since the Parkland, Florida school shooting, spreading bizarre NRA conspiracy theories on Twitter.
Surrounded by "lush greenery," which takes the place of padded walls but offers much the same in the way of protection, some very lucky CNN fans will also get to mingle with CNN stars while they imbibe on themed signature classic cocktails that have no business ever being apple-flavored.
By the time guests leave, they will be so horrified by the mere thought of another apple, they'll finally understand what it feels like to truly watch the cable news network.
We'd suggest the soiree is embarrassing, but, well, it's already CNN's. #FactsFirst